Mirror Mirror Can't You See, What You Show Is Killing Me

I Don't Want To Waste Another Minute Here [Chapter 12]

I'm over getting over.

That's from Weightless, by All Time Low. Funny how some songs seem as if they're written just for you. So thank you, Alex Gaskarth.

I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here. 

How true, I hate spending my time on something pointless. I'm going to spend as much time as I can with Ky before. . . well, you know. 

I pick up my phone and tap on his contact. Call.

"Hey Caia cat," he picks up.

"Hey Ky. Did I ever tell you I love you?" I respond.

"Only about a million times. But I love you too crazy." Ky can be so sweet. I wish he wouldn't do this, he deserves better.

"Ky you don't have to go through with this. Suicide isn't the answer." I reason, a futile attempt to get him to change his mind.

"Do you even realize what you just said? I can't live in a world without you Caia. And what's the good of a suicidal kid telling another suicidal kid that suicide isn't the answer?" he questions.

"I don't know Ky, all I know is that I'm a mistake, I never should have been born. Then I wouldn't have to hurt all these people by dying." I admit.

"You could always back out." he hints.

"No, I can't Ky. I need to see them again. I don't even feel human half the time, I'm not meant for this world." I shrug.

"Suicidal people are just angels that want to go home." he murmurs.

"Where'd you hear that?" I inquire.

"Where else? Instagram." Of course, what can't you find on Instagram?

"I like that, imagining that there's a reason I feel." I smile.

"Don't you hate it when you're sad for no reason?" he sighs.

"Yeah, more than you know." I exhale.

"Caia, you mean everything to me." 

"You've told me that."

"Just wanted to make sure you remember that. Wherever we go after this, I want us to be together. I really care about you Caia."

"Then live!"

"Only if you do." He states, and my heart drops. I was clinging to the hope that he would maybe, just maybe agree to let me go by myself.

"It seems we've reached an impasse'." 

"It seems we have." 

"New topic." I blurt out, I can't stand the thought of no more Ky in the world.

"How are we going to do it?" He presses.

"Oh. I was thinking, we could go out like they did." It would be fitting, they are the cause of this. 

"Sounds reasonable. But. . ." he trails off.

"But what?" I sit up straight, maybe he doesn't want to.

"Still just wishing you wouldn't do it." I slump over. I guess I'll have to resort to other means.

"Ok, I won't." I lie.

"Wait what?!?! You're not going to do it?" He practically screams. 

"Nope, I was hoping that you would give up but since you're not. . .I guess I'll have to stick around until you get tired of me." I shrug. If I die, and he finds out a little bit after, maybe he'll reconsider. It was never a part of my plan to let Ky die with me.

"Thank goodness. Caia, I was so scared of dying." He breathes. Hope rises, he won't be able to go through with it after I'm gone.

"Then why did you say you wanted to?" That still confuses me.

"I was more scared of living without you." How could I even begin to deserve someone this perfect?

"Ky. . .I love you more than it should be possible." I want him to know that. I may leave him, but he's better of without me. They all are. I only remind them of everything they lost. They don't have to hate me for surviving anymore.

"Everything's possible in a world where a kid's life is so worthless, they're treated like dirt until they end it."