Mirror Mirror Can't You See, What You Show Is Killing Me

Sold Your Soul [Chapter 16]

I know this is weird for me to do, but I'm going to Homecoming. One last hurrah for the suicidal girl. And I love my dress, it's red with black around the waist and bottom. I had to wear black lace stocking and a leather jacket to hide scars, but that's the price of being a cutter. 

As soon as I get there, I see Ky. He looks amazing. Most guys look weird and stiff in a tux, but Ky pulls it off. His eyes sparkle when he sees me, and he wraps his arms around my waist.

 Poor boy, he probably thinks there will be much more of these. I feel a flash of guilt before I remind myself that he's better off without me. 

He offers to get me something to drink, and I smile as I ask for a water. No empty calories for me  tonight. At first the dance goes great, I see Kiara, Amaya, and Maddie. No Riley, he never comes to the dances, reminds him too  much of Cas. 

Ky excuses himself to go find his friend Evan. As soon as he leaves, the pain in my feet registers. It was worth it to be almost as tall as Ky, but oww. They hurt. I sit for a few minutes, then, bored, I get up to go look for Ky. 

The voices of couples drift out to me, happy, normal people. Oh how I envy them. I could be them. I could decide right here, right now that living is worth it. For all the moments like this. If I die, I'll never get a prom, much less a wedding dance. If I die right now, I'll never get to have kids or grandkids, never have a husband or anything.

I have all the time in the world, why kill myself? Maybe, I could. It's intoxicating to imagine living a happy life. Absolutely intoxicating. 

"She's really messed up, I need your help," hushed whispers float out to my ears.

"I know, Ky, you told me before, 2 years ago," Ky? What? I stay by the door, waiting to catch another snippet of conversation. 

"But this time it's worse," Ok that was definitely Ky's voice. What is going on here? I open the door, stunned and hurt by the picture before me.

Ky, in another girls arms. And the worst part, the girl is Amaya. He's clinging to her like a lifeline. My mouth falls open in shock, and I take a step back, the sound of my heel on hardwood alerting them to my presence. 

"Caia," Ky gasps. 

"Hey, Evan," I spit at Amaya, "I don't think we've met before. I'm out of here, and you are? Oh wait, let me guess, a liar and a dirty cheat?" My words are hastily strung together and barely mask the shaking in my hands.

Before she can answer, I turn and stride down the hallway, pretending to be cold and indifferent, but inside, I'm breaking. I duck into the nearest bathroom, and as soon as I check that no one's in there, I fall apart. Tears are streaming down my face, smearing black make up everywhere. 

How did let myself do this again? I should have known better than to trust Ky. He never actually loved me, he just wanted to take advantage of the pathetic, weak, suicidal girl. Because that's all I am right? I'm so pathetic, I can't even kill myself right.

I was going to wait for the anniversary of the day my life fell apart. Or, as I should say, the day my death fell apart. But, tonight is as good as any night right? No one will miss me, I doubt they'll even notice the day I die. 

Maybe my friends will be sad, even cry a little, for about a week, but they'll get over it. My mum, she won't even care. Just one less kid to take care of. I thought Ky would miss me, and Amaya, but they have each other. Didn't Amaya say something about 2 years? I bet they were a thing even before the suicide.

And this, dear world,, is why you can't ever trust anyone. In this cruel, twisted world, you either become cold and bitter, or you end up in a coffin. Right now I'm so tired, I just want to sleep forever. And ever and ever and ever. And I will.

I call my mum to come pick me up. She complains for a while about how I wasn't supposed to leave til later, and how I'm a spoiled brat, but she eventually agrees. 

Now's the time, thank you Amaya and Ky, for pushing me over the edge once and for all. You've done a great service to your country, yourselves, and most of all, to me. 

We all sell our souls to something, it's just too bad suicide claimed mine.