Mirror Mirror Can't You See, What You Show Is Killing Me

Stomach Tied In Knots [Chapter 19]

Gorgeous blue-green eyes are the first things I see when I wake up. De ja vu hits me when I realize that I've been here before. The memories of last night come to me in a blinding, head splitting flash. A quite literal head-splitting flash, as told by the bandages wrapped around the upper portion of my head.

Why is Ky here, at the hospital with me? Shouldn't he be off Amaya? Laughing at the ugly fat girl who thought people might actually miss her when she killed herself. 

"Ky? What are you doing here?" I murmur groggily. The pills must be affecting my mind.

"Because I love you! I was so worried, thinking you would never have woken up again! I thought I lost you," he cries. 

Something in his eyes makes me want to melt and cry at the same time. But then the cold, bitter persona is back, and I'm shaking my head. I wince, forgetting about the deep red gash that no doubt lurks behind my hairline.

"Do you enjoy hurting me?  That's sick Ky. Is it fun to lead me on, pretend to love me? Well, you don't have to anymore, go to Amaya. I don't care, I really don't," The voice doesn't even sound like mine, but somehow I know the words are coming from my mouth. 

"What? No!" 

"Ky, I'm honestly fine with you and Amaya being a thing. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm not a charity case," I try to convince him, but even I can hear how my voice is cracking. Ky stops me before I can go on.

"Caia! I'm not in love with Amaya! I'm in love with you!" He interrupts.

"What? Then why-" 

"I wasn't doing anything with her that night. I was concerned about you, I went to ask her,, get a second opinion. I knew you still planned on killing yourself, I thought she could help! I swear Caia, I was just talking to her. I couldn't tell you how I felt, I couldn't tell anyone! I've been worried about you for so long, I needed to talk to someone. Before I knew it, I was crying and she hugged me. That's all," He pauses for a moment, taking my hand and looking into my eyes, "I love you Caia, nothing could ever replace that."

"Nothing," I ask, on the verge of tears.

"Nothing," he squeezes my hand, "Ever." 

That's all I need to hear, I throw my arms around him, sobbing while I cling to him. He holds me tight, so tight my ribs my break. He kisses my hair over and over again, on the unbandaged side, assuring me that he'll never leave. A part of me doesn't want to trust him, wants me to stay cold and bitter. But it feels so good to feel, to let someone in and experience loving and being loved, completely. 

He pulls back after a moment, 

"Caia, we need to talk about something," he sighs.

"Ok," I mutter, now apprehensive. 

"The doctors, they said you're at an unhealthy weight, they said that you being brought in was a good thing," He runs his hand through his hair, "For one, the bullet only grazed the side of your head. The second, if you hadn't been brought in, you probably would have died from malnutrition. Caia, I knew you skipped breakfast and all, I even knew about the throwing up. But I didn't know it was this bad. You're beautiful, can't you see?"

I nod slowly, to show him I understand.

"Caia," He goes on, "Please try in rehab. For me, I want you to get better, I really do."

They're sending me back to rehab," I stand up a little straighter, scared at the prospect of all those nurses, rules, pills, and the therapy. The therapy was the worst, they tried to tell you how to feel, and how to think, but they never understood. They were always just cramming "healing" down your throat. 

"Yeah," he looks at me hopefully, "But maybe this time's different. They have a couple new doctors, and new policies. It won't be like before, I promise. And I'll be there, every step of the way."

"Ok," I muse, thinking about getting better. Being normal, having a life with Ky, it's all really appealing. Maybe, just maybe, this time will be my last.

"You know what they say," I grinned, "Third time's the charm,"