UnderStanding (Clexa)

Chapter Four

I own nothing
Lexa - Two hours outside TonDC

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They have been riding at an average pace for the past two hours. Indra's mare keeps pace with her own, two guards flanking them. On one hand, Lexa is in a rush to get back to TonDC to try and talk some sense into Clarke, and on the other, she is terrified to see the girl she had left at Mount Weather. She knows what she did was right for her people of course, but that doesn't stop the immense guilt in her heart she has felt since she turned and walked away from Clarke. How she managed to keep her emotions mostly in check and her tears at bay she will never know.

She had left the blonde there without the help of her army. She had left her there, not knowing what the outcome of the night would be. She had hope Clarke would come out alive and somehow manage to save her people, but Lexa wasn't confident that her hope was worth much at that time.

Having Indra show up in Polis ahead of schedule had seized fear in her heart as she knew something must have happened to bring her without sending word first. Indra is nothing if not loyal and would never change plans without an order to do so unless it is important. Lexa just can't have in any way prepared for the news she received. Not only are Clarke and her people alive, but Indra explained to her that Clarke sought the trials.

Lexa swallows hard, recalling Indra's telling of the look in the girls blue eyes. How they are equal parts dead inside and writhing with an indescribable pain she'd only ever seen once before. Lexa didn't acknowledge that she knew Indra was speaking of her pain when she found Costia.

She doesn't know all the details of what happened, but Indra seems convinced that, even if Lexa doesn't agree with it, Clarke needs this. She shouldn't use her status as commander to stop it. Lexa had of course argued with her about it - she doesn't want to see Clarke physically and emotionally hurt more so than she already is - but of course Indra's reasoning won out over her feelings on the subject. Her feelings, she thinks bitterly, clenching her jaw.

"You can hide or ignore it all you want, Heda, but I know you care for her. Caring for her is not a weakness unless you let it be weakness. The greatest strength in this world can come from a single act of love."

Indra had spoken openly with her that night, sitting around the fire and away from listening ears. It is very rare for either of them to let their guards down, but they do so with each other when they know the other needs it. Indra has been a fixture in Lexa's life since her childhood. While everyone in her clan is her people, Indra is the closest thing Lexa has to family. Lexa had only nodded. She hadn't known what to say.

Now here they are, within an hour's ride outside TonDC, and her mind is racing. Evening is approaching, and with it, the trials Clarke apparently needs to endure are fast approaching. As commander, Lexa is required to be present since it is her clan Clarke will be joining if… No, not if, Lexa shakes the thought clear, when Clarke comes through. And although she has to be present, to be witness, Indra expressed her concern of Clarke becoming aware of her presence. She strongly suggested Lexa be present but not seen by the blonde, so as not to distract her in any way from the strength and force of will she will require to endure the trials. Lexa hadn't argued but instead agreed. If it is because she feels it was in Clarke's best interest or her own, she can't be sure.

As they approach the entrance to the village, Lexa nods to Indra and steers her horse to the West. Her presence will only be known to Indra, the two riders with them, and a couple guardsmen sitting in one of their lookout stands in the trees to oversee the proceedings.

The stand is a good vantage point to see enemies approaching, but Lexa will be using the view to the village to watch over the determined blonde.

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