UnderStanding (Clexa)

Chapter Ten

The room froze. It wasn't the type of freezing when something horrible happens or something terrifying. It was the type of frozen that takes place when everyone holds their breath, waiting for someone to utter the first sound. The type of frozen where you strained your ears waiting for the sound yet not wanting it to come from your own mouth.

Octavia was the first to move, just barely. A slight tilt of her head and her eyes darted to and locked on her heda. Lexa's entire body was a statue. She couldn't even make out the rise and fall of her chest from her breaths. If not for the water she could make out in the steely green eyes and the fact that the commander was standing upright, Octavia would have been convinced she was unconscious.

She dared a glance back to Clarke, happy to see the blonde was quiet, aside from a little quicker than normal breathing, but her body was relaxed now. She looked up to meet Lincoln's eyes, begging for him to break the silence they found themselves trapped in. At any other time she would have laughed at his widened eyes and quick shake of his head, but now wasn't the time for laughter and all she could do was wait.

Echo had taken in the scene in silence like the rest, but wasn't content to let it continue. She turned slowly towards her heda and knew she had to do something and only prayed the woman wouldn't punish her for it. Without further hesitation, she slowly approached the still frozen leader and gently grabbed her forearm. Lexa's gaze didn't leave Clarke, but she did take a small shuddering breath. That was all Echo needed before she tightened her grip and pulled, dragging Lexa with her to the corner of the room quickly.

Snapping out of her shocked state, Lexa looked to the blonde quickly and then back at Echo, but rather than the glare she was expecting, Echo was shocked to see an emotion she had never really seen on her strong leader's face: fear. Lexa opened her mouth, but no sound came out and she swallowed hard, her frame now visibly shaking.

Echo stepped closer to her, still holding onto her commander's forearm, just below her elbow. "Leksa," she started slowly, hesitantly, afraid of using her heda's name, even considering the circumstances.

Lexa met her eyes, not upset, but instead looking rather relieved. She nodded once, "Leksa is fine for now. I'm afraid your heda" she bit out the word, "isn't prepared to deal with this."

"She is, but Leksa needs to first." Echo replied softly, squeezing her arm and letting go. She nodded behind her, to the small table and chairs where they could sit. Once seated, Echo retrieved some water and sat it down in front of her leader. Even though Lexa was a war hardened leader, smart, fiercely determined and strong, she had never looked younger and more unprepared to Echo. "Do you return her feelings?" She had to ask, even though she knew the answer but she wanted to hear her say it out loud.

Lexa's eyes never left the hazel in front of her as she nodded, then looking back across the room. Her panicked eyes softened as she took in the blonde's features in the warm glow of the candlelight. "I've loved her from the first moment I saw her." She grit her jaw and looked away, focusing hard on the table in front of her.

Echo tilted her head slightly, studying the words and emotions that were trying to escape and being forced to recede in front of her eyes. "Then why do you fight this? It is destined."

Lexa pinned her with her eyes, "Even if that were true, I-" she stopped, lowering her gaze. "I don't deserve someone like her. Not after what I've done."

"What you've done? What is it that makes you feel you are undeserving of her love? Of happiness?" Echo leaned forward, resting her arms on the table in front of her.

"I betrayed her alliance. I left her people on that mountain to die." She hung her head, feeling shame, something she didn't feel often. "I made a deal with the enemy."