Girl in the shadows

Panic all day

Ant's POV
The doctor left the room and there was deafening silence. All I could think about was Dec. Now he was paralysed, nothing would be the same again.
"Why didn't I die Ant? Why couldn't you have left me like I told you to?" Said a weak and tired Dec. I don't know how to reply to that. I don't know why he would ask that because he all ready knows what I'm going to say.
"I didn't what you to die." I said quietly.
"You don't understand do you Ant! You don't know what I've been through all my life!" He told me with an angry expression on his face.
"I know what you've been through! You told me everything and I said I would help you and that you would find a way out of your problems! But trying to kill yourself, that not the best way!" I told back to him.
"Listen Ant! I make a choice to die! All my life I've been dreaming of that moment, the moment I leave earth and go up to the clouds where I'd be in peace and I'll my problems would go away! But you stopped me from that! I don't even love you anymore! In fact, I don't even like you!" Said Dec, turning around in his bed so that his back was facing me.
"You don't really mean that do you?" I said, praying that it was some sort of joke.
"Yes Ant! I actually do mean it! So get out! I didn't want to see your face, or Sophia!" Said Dec.
"What? Dec come on!" I said. But no, he didn't listen did he.
"I SAID GET OUT!" Yelled Dec.

Dec's POV

They both walked out of the room. I've never seen anyone so desperate to leave me like that. Now that I was alone, I started to get pretty lonely and bored. I guess that everyone hates me even more so obviously no one is going to come to me. I guess it's just me and myself. Time went by really slowly. No one came back for me. Even the doctors hated me because they didn't seem to come to me. I bet Ant told them what happened. Then I started to think about Ashely and Melissa, what they where up to. I knew that Ashely said she was busy and so did Melissa. But then I remember how I have feelings for both of the and I still haven't decided. Coming to think of it, I heard Melissa talking on the phone to someone when she said she was going to the toilet. She could have said she needed to take a phone call but she didn't. And Ashely, well she didn't do anything bad apart from arguing with me and having a fight with Melissa with all the food. That day was horrible during that time but coming to think of it, it was pretty hilarious.
"Mr. Donnelly? Is it ok if I give you your medicine?" Asked on of the doctors and he walked in. My heart suddenly started to race. I started to panic.
"No!" I yelled. I hid myself under the covers.
"Declan! Please, do you want to get better or not?" Said the doctor.
"No I don't want to get better! I want to die, just go away!" I cried. I had no idea what I was doing, it was like I was scared of everyone and I felt like everyone would judge me.
"Declan! I'm here to help you! If you take this medicine...." Said the doctor but I cut him off.
"Please, don't hurt me!" I cried.
"I'm not going to hurt you. Listen, I'll leave your medicine next to you and you can take it when you feel like it, ok?" Said the doctor. I felt really bad like that I told him to leave, but I couldn't help myself. I get scared around other people, I feel like they'll attack me even though I know they won't.
The doctor left the room and I looked at the tablets. I picked up the pill and my hand started to shake. I started to sweat and panic. I managed to up the pill in my mouth and I drank the glass of water. I started to choke and I spat out the tablet. I started to get really dizzy and I felt like I was going to vomit. I held my stomach in pain and pressed the emergency button by accident.
"Mr. Donnelly! Are you ok?" Said the doctor as he rushed in.
"Don't hurt me!" I yelled. He tried to hold me to see if I was ok but I interpreted it the wrong way. I thought he was going to hurt me.
"No! Get off me!" I screamed. I started to cry so much.
"I'm not going to hurt you! I'm here to help!" Said the doctor, trying to comfort me.
"I don't...feel well." I cried, as I put my hand over my mouth. I got out of bed and fell on the solid floor. I knew I couldn't walk because my legs where paralysed but still tried to get up, even though I couldn't walk.
"Mr. Donnelly, do you need any help?" Said the doctor, trying to pick me up the floor.
"I'm..going to vomit!" I managed to say. I tried to hold it in while he rushed to get a bucket. I was told to breath in and out slowly but it didn't help. The doctor soon left the room after I became ok soon, I saw Ant at the door. I told him to go so I don't understand why he was still here.
"Dec?" Said Ant, as he walked up to me. I fell out of my bed, trying to get away from him. I used my arms to move on the floor. I started to back up into the conner.
"Dec are you ok?" Asked he asked me. I couldn't reply. I was too frightened to speak. I started to cry and I tried to breath normally but I couldn't.
"Go..." I cried. But he didn't listen. Ant grabbed me and put me back into my bed. He sat next to me and tried to comfort me but he was just making it worse.
"Dec, what's wrong with you?" Asked Ant.
"Everything.." I said, trying to get out.
"The doctor told me what's wrong with you and thought that I could help you." He said. I kept quiet but tears where still slowing falling from my eyes, my face was red and my heart was beating like mad.
"I can help you, just tell me what you want." Asked Ant, putting his fingers through my hair.
"I don't want to live. You all ready know that." I said. I could tell that Ant was fed up with what I kept saying but I couldn't help myself.
"Listen, if you decide to die, it won't be the same without you. Trust me ok, you think everyone hates you, when they don't. Everyone loves you." He said.
"People like me?" I asked confused.
"Of course they do. Me, Lisa, Sophia, Ashely, Melissa, our family, our friends and our fans." He said. I guess he was right.
"Am I normal?" I say looking at his face.
"What do you mean by that?" Asked my best mate.
"I hate my life so badly, My legs a paralysed and when I see people a feel really ill and sick, I feel like they're going to judge me and that I'll get embarrassed. I then find it hard to breathe. That's not normal." I said back to him. Ant didn't reply for a couple of seconds. I guess he was think of an answer.
"Maybe we could get psychotherapy and talk to a doctor about it?" He asked.
"I guess so." I say back weakly, starting to feel really tired.
"I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to the doctors about it and I'll come back in a bit ok?" He said.
"Ok then, bye Anth." I said quietly as I snuggled back into bed. He kissed my cheek and said good bye which made me smile. As soon as Ant left, I started to panic. Someone rushed into my room and put something over my mouth. I tried to scream for help and to move but I couldn't. But their face was very familiar. I realised who it was and I stared to panic. I had just enough power to punch her in the stomach...