Chapter 54

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"Arissa! Oh my goodness! You are going to do it?" Melissa yelled at her in her pajamas with a bowl of popcorn in her hands.

"Yeah...like...that's so good!" Zoe exclaimed. Melissa, Arissa and another friend, Zoe who was visiting from Texas, sat on the couch eating popcorn watchingLooking for Alibrandi.

"I mean...I can only wish to be with this guy who shows me his abs for 5 seconds..." Zoe went on about the ancient movie that had some type of spell over the group.

"We'll find your someone special...Zoe. I'll get Bruno on it." Arissa told her laughing. "But on the real....I'm scared about it."

"Why in the world would you be scared about having kids?" Melissa asked her scooping a big hunk of ice cream out of the cartoon eating it.

"I don't know....it just...you know how I've always been..."

"You hesitate, girl! You always pull back when stuff gets too intense. Remember Jared? He totally had the hots for you...even after the disaster that was prom..." Zoe told her.

"No! No he didn't!" Arissa screamed in reaction to her friend telling her about a friend from middle school.

"You're so dumb. He was so into you..." Melissa told her.

"I don't know...I can see it now. But...."

"Rissy...you're doing exactly what you did then, but now. He married you. He loves you like nothing else in the world...you want to be with him forever, right?" Melissa asked using her extra months of marriage to counsel her friend.

"Yeah...I do..." Arissa stopped to think. "But I still feel like he could be like Andy and this would be a whole fucking joke. Like I'd wake up in the morning and Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake will pop out and say 'You've been punk'd!"

"Oh my god! Arissa! You are so dumb. He was there to kick Robert's ass. He sat outside your door after you acused him of cheating on you....he practically had a mental breakdown when you got hurt in San Bernadino...what else do you need from him to be okay with this?"

Arissa looked down at her leg, still battered and bruised, in dismay. "I know he has...but everything right now seems so perfect....it's so safe..."

"Ris...life isn't supposed to be safe. You took a huge chance with him and it's paid off..." Melissa told her.

"Then why don't y'all have kids yet?" Arissa asked her friend.

"It's not like we don't try, Arissa. If it happened we'd be so excited." Melissa explained.

"That's the way it was...until I opened my fucking mouth about having kids..." Arissa told her friends about the fundraiser.

"Riss...tell him you want to be a family...but it's too much pressure."

"It is a lot...his family is so huge. I feel them looking at my no baby tummy all the time." Arissa confessed.

"I hardly doubt that, Arissa..." Zoe told her. "Really..what are you worried about? I can see there's something else you're worried about."

"Well...I mean...it is that where we are now is safe. It's perfect...but I'm also soooo worried that I won't be able to do it. Like, I never thought that I would find someone that would want to be the father to my children....and now that he's there asking....I get scared that my PCOS will stop it from ever happening. That's why I suggested the other thing..."

"To live doesn't mean you're alive..." Zoe replied.  

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