Reel In Reality

EIGHT

I don't care

Tahimik lang ako habang nagd-drive si Aspen papunta sa condominium na tinutuluyan ko. My two rest days are almost over and it does not even feel like I had let myself relax, if anything, it had brought so much stress in me.

Hindi ko pa rin maalis sa isip ko kung gaano kalambing ang boses ni Alden habang may kausap siya sa telepono kanina. I didn't know that he has that side, palagi na lang kasi kapag ako ang kasama niya-which he has no choice kasi magkatrabaho kami-, mainit ang ulo niya at kung hindi naman ay tahimik lang siya. If only I could hear him use that kind of voice when he is talking to me.. Well, nagagawa naman niya but I know and I should always remind myself that those are all just for the show. Nothing more, nothing less.

I sighed and Aspen must have heard it because he looked at me sideways. Nakatigil na pala ang sasakyan niya at nasa harap na kami ng building. Humarap siya sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko na nakalagay sa ibabaw ng mga binti ko.

"Are you okay?" No, I'm sorry.

"Yes, Asp. Just.... Tired." I don't know if I smiled to assure him that I'm okay because it feels like I did it to assure myself.

He raised an eyebrow at me but decided to let it go. Ayoko siyang pagalalahanin, this date was supposed to be our date, at hindi ko man lang nabigay sa kanya ang privacy na gusto niya. It was supposed to be a fun, soothing day for the both of us but it turned out to be the opposite. This man in front of me deserves the best and I am not even near good.

I held his hand and he squeezed it. "Come upstairs?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko. I realized why he has that reaction so I shoved him playfully because I think my face is burning red right now. "God, anong iniisip mo?! I just want us to continue our lunch upstairs. Besides, do not lie to me about your lunch break being over. It's Sunday, for pete's sake! Wala kang pasok." Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay habang nakangiti. "Buti nga ay naniwala pa sa'yo sila Patchy." Tuloy tuloy kong sabi dahil gusto kong ibahin ang usapan. Nakakahiya!

He burst out laughing and I have to stop myself from pinching him. "Akala ko may masama kang plano. Maine, I'm not yet ready. Sagutin mo muna ako." At tumawa na naman siya. Oh my gosh I am certain that I am blushing right now. Pati tenga ko ay mainit na!

"Shut up. Tara na!" Inirapan ko siya at lumabas na ng kotse.

Tinawag niya ako at nakita kong hindi pa siya lumalabas ng sasakyan. "You go first. Park lang ako. Prepare..... Our lunch." He winked at me and I throw my heels at him pero hindi na umabot dahil pinaandar na niya ang sasakyan niya. Men, men.

I am struggling to find my room keys when I reached my floor. Saan ko ba kasi inilagay 'yon? I rummage through my bag while walking when I stumbled into something.... Or someone.

"What are you doing here?" It came out in an angry voice.

He was sitting on the floor with his head down. Para siyang lasing pero hindi naman siya lasing. He looks lost, or sad. I don't know but I feel bad for him like it was my fault so I leveled my face to his.

"RJ..." Ngayon ko na lang siya uli tinawag sa nickname niya, he flinched when he heard it. "Why are you here?"

He looks like a child waiting for his mom to come back, parang takot na malungkot. I smiled, hoping to send him some of it, too. I succeeded, but it was a sad smile. He looked for my hand and his thumb played with my palm when he found it.

Tinitigan ko ang mga kamay namin. It fits perfectly. Kung sana ay pwedeng masabi ng mga kamay natin kung sino ang para sa atin, because my hand wants Alden. It wants him to stay and pull me closer. My hands found his and I held it tight, para bang alam ng mga kamay ko na anytime ay mawawala si Alden. Ngumiti ako. Posible palang maghalo ang nararamdaman mo, no? Sobrang saya ko kahit ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko. Lahat, lahat ng galit ko na naipon, lahat ng disappointments, lahat nawala. Just with the touch of his hands.