Reel In Reality

SEVEN

"What the fuck?"

"Maine?" Malambing na sabi ni Aspen habang hawak ang mga braso ko. "Maine..."

Matagal na rin simula noong huli akong nagpaligaw. It was two years ago and I remember how I rejected that person. He did not deserve that kind of rejection, 'yung nakita pa ng maraming tao. I was protecting Alden, I was protecting his career that I sacrificed the happiness I could've felt if I had given that person a chance.

"I won't pressure you into something you're not ready yet, Maine."

I can't fully hear what he is saying for I am occupied with the thoughts of Alden. Again, our careers will be at stake if I will give Aspen a chance.

I looked up to see his eyes softly looking into mine. "Maine, I know and I understand what situation you are in right now and I am willing to wait."

I think of how he was always there for me when everything seems to fall apart, of how his smile can comfort me, of how his hugs bring so much ease. I think of Alden's laughter, of how that alone can make me happy.

"I am willing to sacrifice being with you in public. I can keep mum about telling the world how much you mean to me. I can do that if that's what you are worry about." Ngumiti siya at hinawakan ang mga kamay ko.

Pumikit ako at pinilit alisin ang mukha ni Alden sa isip ko. Alden is happy with his girls, why can't I let myself be?

"Aspen," Tinitigan ko ang magkahawak naming mga kamay, "you know the risks, right?"

"I do, and I am willing to adjust for you."

I kept silent, hindi ko na naman alam kung anong sasabihin ko. It is not wrong to give Aspen a chance, right? It is not wrong to let myself be happy.

"You won't get jealous when Alden pull off something for the public?" Ibinaba ko ang tingin ko sa mga kamay ko na hawak pa rin niya. Bakit parang pakiramdam ko ay nagtataksil ako kay Alden?

I heard him laughed nervously. "Bakit naman ako magseselos? Acting lang naman lahat ng 'yon hindi ba?"

I froze. Lahat ba 'yon, walang katototohanan? Lahat ba ng mga titig niya, kung paanong ramdam ko 'yung malakas na kabog ng dibdib niya, kung paanong tawagin niya ako, lahat ba 'yon peke? Gusto kong sigawan si Aspen at sabihin sa kanyang hindi lang acting ang lahat ng 'yon, gusto kong ipamukha sa kanya lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa tuwing lumalapit sa akin si Alden pero hindi ko magawa dahil alam kong totoo lahat ng sinabi niya. Walang katotohanan tong relasyon na 'to. All of these are just for the movie. For the fans.

Ngumiti ako, "Oo naman. Pagkatapos ng movie, baka matapos na rin lahat ng 'to." Hindi ko alam pero habang sinasabi ko ang mga ito ay parang pinipiga ang puso ko.

"You don't seem happy about it." Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. Magsasalita na sana ako ng tumawa siya.

"Maine, you.. You should've seen your reaction!" He said in between laughter. "I was just joking." Ginaya niya pa ang reaction ko at tumawa ng mas malakas.

I shoved him playfully to hide the embarrassment I feel. He needs to go, it's getting late.

"Umuwi ka na, late na oh." Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

"Dessert." He pouted. Napagtanto kong hindi pa nga kami pumapasok sa loob ng bahay pagka-alis ni Alden. I feels like hours had passed.

"Oo nga pala, I'm sorry!" Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko. Si Aspen pa naman ang nagdala noon at makakalimutan kong patikimin siya!