Loving me

Out of Hand

"And she always had a way with her brokenness. She would take her pieces and make them beautiful." R. M Drake

"What do you mean 'you don't know'? You are suppose to know these stuff." Cara is really angry.

"Like I said before, when I'm near him I forget all of the insults, the threats and I become putty on his hands. He was my everything, he was my Edward, my Chuck Bass, my Johnny, my Ky, he was the one that took my life and turned it into an adventure. With him I learned about myself, I learned that I wasn't all innocent, I craved trouble, everyone would always say 'Mia is too nice to lie' 'Mia is too innocent to curse' 'Mia is too this to do that.' Everyone treated me like a princess, to everyone I was delicate flower,who knew no wrong, but they didn't know me. He did, and sometimes he liked those parts of me, the not-so-innocent me, the not-so-perfect me, and when he comes near me those parts of me want him." I'm looking straight at her as I continue speaking . "But he also turned me into a person that I fought so hard to never be. I became bitter towards life, I hated life because it took and never gave, but now I realized that it was him, he made me fear days because I didn't know which side of him I was going to have to encounter, he made me bitter because he made me depend on him, so when he wasn't around I felt lost, life always gave back, but I was so infatuated by him that I never saw the good things I was given." I'm so angry with myself, with Alexander. "Life gave me friends to help me get through it all. I think I would have gone crazy if I didn't have had you and Cassia."

"You still hope." Cara interrupted my rant.

"What?" What is she talking about?

"There is a part of you that hates him for hurting you, but the other part hopes that he will man up and mix you." I take a deep breath. How can she read me so well? She continues talking. "A small part of you wishes Enzo was Alex. You wish Alex would do what Enzo has been doing since he met you. You want Alex to save you, but he is NEVER going to fix what he broke." The last part she says through her teeth.

"Don't you think I know that? I was the one waiting, praying, wishing, until Enzo came into my life and made me smile, made me forget all the hurt and resentment I had inside of me." I want her to know that I do love Enzo, that it might be too soon, but he make my heartbeat go fast and I feel a zoo in my stomach when I'm near him. "Enzo makes me feel whole again. I. . " I am interrupted by my phone ringing. I take my phone and I look at the caller ID.

Enzo.

I slide to answer.

"Hey, Enzo." I try to sound normal.

"Hey. What's wrong, love?" He asks.

"Oh nothing, I'm just talking to Cara. Catching up on life."

"When are you coming back? I'm done with my errands." He asks.

"Soon. I promise."

"Okay. I'll be waiting for my girls. Please keep Sofia safe."

"Always."

"Love you." Hearing him say that makes my heart skip a beat.

"Love you too." I hang up and I turn to Cara.

"What are you going to do then?" She asks me.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Mia you need to tell him how you are feeling. He needs to know that there is a possibility that you might go with Alex."

"I'm not choosing Alexander. That's why I lied to him, we are toxic to each other."

"If you want to have something with Enzo you have to start clean and keeping secrets is not a good way to start." She tells me. Doesn't she understand that I know that. "I'll take Sofia so you won't have any distractions."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want you to be happy and I know that the only way you can is if you let everything out. You won't be able to let everything out of Sofia is there."

"Okay." I say in a small voice.

We spend the next hour talking about her life. She told me that she has finished her degree in art and psychology and she will start. Next week with children with art therapy. She seems to be very excited about working there.

We finish talking and she takes Sofia into her arms.

"Go talk to him. I'll take good care of her."

"Thank you. For everything."

"Always."

I walk away and I get into my car.

I take a deep breath.

Here goes everything.