Loving me

Living the moment

"All she ever wanted was an unpredictable kisses and unforgettable laughter." Brandon villasenor

"Alexander doesn't mean to me as much as you do. Enzo, you make me happy." I wrap the sheet around me as I get up from the bed, I make my way to Enzo. I put my hand under his chin so I can try to get him to look at me.
He looks up at me and all I see is regret, he looks down again. My words are stuck in my mouth.

"I... I know I'm not pure and you probably wish that I was, but I don't want you to regret today."

"You think that is why I can't look at you in the eyes?" I nod. "I can't look at you in the eyes because I don't deserve you. I didn't make love to you, Mia. I fucked you and I enjoyed it. You deserved candlelight and romance, not a hotel room and anger." He finally looks up at me and he puts his hand on my cheek. "You are too innocent for anything but romance."

"Don't!" I say angry. "I'm not innocent."

"Yes you are. I heard you, Mia, you whimpered."

"I..."

"I hurt you. I didn't take my time with you. I didn't make you feel special."

"Yes I whimpered because I haven't had sex in four years, it felt new to me. And YOU made me feel wanted."

"You are so innocent." He whispers. For the love of all that is holy. I unwrap the sheet from myself and I let it drop to the floor.

"Wha...what are you doing?" He stutters. I look down and I can see his growing member. I move in front of him.

"I'm proving you wrong." I say as I start kissing him on his neck. I move one of my hands to stroke him, as I continue to kiss his back. I start lowering myself, kissing a trail down his body until I get to the destination.

"You... you don't have to prove me nothing." He stutters again.

Now I am on my knees, looking up at him. I pout my lips and I flutter my eyelashes.

"But I want to." I say as I lean to it and give it a kiss.

"Shit, Mia!"

******************************************

"I understand if you don't want me no more." I turn to Enzo as I speak. We have been silent for the past half an hour since I finished him off. "But you have to understand, that I still love you. I want to be with you, but you have to know that there is still a part of me that wishes for him."

"Can you please stop saying that." He is angry.
"I can't deal with knowing that I have to share you mind and heart with that 'boy',"

"I wish for him not because he owns more of my heart than you do, but, because for so long he was my savior, that it's hard to see him any other way, and I'm sorry." I sob on the last part. "I'm sorry for you having to share my heart when it should be all yours. I'm so sorry for telling you all of this, but Cara was right, we can't start a relationship that started with secrets. I did it before and I don't want that no more, not this time."

"What happened? You never told me the whole story. All I know is that you guys dated." He asks.

"We never dated. I was his fuck buddy, or as he once called me 'his two cent whore'. It was a secret no one knew, until the last few months." I get up from the bed and I start getting dress as I speak. "We were together since the begging of the summer before senior year, it wasn't official until school began, that's when he said that I was a good friends with benefits. He was very bipolar, one day he ravished me and the next I was treated like a waste. I was so use of it that it became a norm that I learned to accept. When I finally told Cassia she told me that it was bad for me, that I deserved something more than just four walls. Even though I told her that she was right, something inside my head made me feel small. I could hear him in my head telling me that I wasn't wanted, but I would also hear 'you and me, always". He made me feel small but when I was with him he made me feel big because he was there." After I put my clothes on I walk o sit on the bed. "To everyone I was this innocent perfect princess, but he knew that I wasn't like that. He knew that I wasn't perfect, that I was damaged because of two boys that wanted to 'try' what they saw their parents do. He knew that I was quiet not because I was embarrassed but because I didn't trust no one. Not even my friends. He taught me how to trust him and only him, I would get lost with out him."