Loving me

Lies

"The only downfall in having a good heart is that you are constantly looking for angels inside of demons. And they wonder why the good knows so much pain." R. H Sin

"I love you." I whisper again. "I love you as the little boy who fought with me over his sister. I love you as the boy who would curl up in his bed crying because his parents brought out the word divorce, I loved going under his covers and hugging him and telling him that it was just a word that was said but meant nothing." I have tears running down my face. "I love you so much that I forgave you for everything."

"I love you too." He says to me as he wipes the tears running down my face.

"I know you do. I know you love me the same way I love you." I get up from the bench and I grad Sofia's things. "I love you as much as I love Vanessa, as much as I love my brothers, I love you as a brother." I walk to the car leaving him there, looking at me shocked.

I get to the car and put Sofia in her car seat. I walk to my door and I get in, while I'm putting my seatbelt, my cellphone rings.

Cara.

Your parents told me you were back. Why didn't you call me??? Why does it seem that every time I do something with Alexander, Cara always wants to talk,soon after? Our brains are somehow connected.

I'm sorry. A lot has been going on. Didn't have time. Wanna hang out now??? I'm free, and I need a best friend right now! I reply to her text.

I twirl my phone in my hands, something that I do when I'm anxious. I really need someone to talk to. I can't believe I just realized something this big and I said out loud without thinking it through.

My phone rings again.

Sure!!! Where???

Where can we meet? Think, Mia.

PB? I haven't gotten there since I came back! Meet you in 20.

PB is my favorite bakery, I love the tarts and coffee there. My parents use to take me there because they knew I loved the tarts, but once I tasted coffee, I never wanted to leave.

Be there soon.

Right when I'm about to start the car my phone rings again, but this one signalizing that I have a call. I look at it and Enzo's name pops on the screen. It is not the right time! I answer the call.

"Hello?" My voice is soft, I won't be surprise if he didn't hear me.

"Mia? Are you okay?" Leave it to Enzo to read me like a book, even through a phone.

"I did something bad." I whisper. How do I tell Enzo that I talked to Alexander? How do I tell him that I confessed my feelings about both men? "I... Enzo. Can I tell you later when I get back to the hotel? I'm going to have lunch with Cara." I inform him.

"Sure, but are you and Sofia Okay?" He sounds worried. Why would he be? You are acting strange.

"Yeah we are both fine. We will see you later."

"Drive safe. Love you."

"Love you too." I sign. I end the call.

******************************************
Once I got to PB, Cara was already seated. She was sitting in a corner, reading a book. As always. Next to her a little girl, her too, is reading. I make my way to the table, with Sofia in my arms. As I get closer she notices me, she gets up and gives me a hug.

"Mia! I can't believe you are back!"

"I can't believe I'm back, too." I tell her. We pull apart and I make my way to the table she was sitting on.

A waiter comes over with a highchair for Sofia. I sit her down and I get a small toy from my bag and I give it to her.

"Tay you, Ma." She thanks me.

"Ma?" I hear Cara ask, I look up to Cara.

"Um I kind of wanted to teach her my name and she got the 'M' part and the 'A' part but not the 'I'." I explain to her. I look to her side and I see the little girl, still reading. "So don't I get a welcome hug from my favorite little girl in the world?" I say, still looking at Katie, Cara's daughter.

Katie looks up from her book and sees me. Her eyes get big and she puts her book down, she gets up her seat and runs to me.

"Mimi! I missed you." She tells me as she gives me a hug and a kiss on my cheek.

"Good because I was starting to feel ignored by my favorite Katie." I look at her as I speak.

Katharine is 3 years old but just like her mom, she reads none stop. Katharine has dark brown hair like her mom and really pretty brown eyes like both her parents.

"I would never, Mimi." She says as she gives me one last hug before going back to her seat.
"So, what's going on? You've been here for who knows how long and I haven't heard from you until today." Cara sounds a little angry.

"A lot of things have been happening. Um..." I stop talking as I see the waiter come our way.

"Good morning are you ladies ready to order?"

"Yeah can I get a berries tart, an ice mocha and an overturned Nutella." I order.

"I'll have the fruit pastry, a green tea latte, a mini fruit pastry and a glass of milk." Cara orders for herself and Katie.

The waiter writes everything down and leaves to the kitchen.

"Continue."

"The minute I got back I saw Alexander and later Vanessa. They think Sofia is my daughter. Then a day later Alexander almost kissed me which got Enzo mad. He was about to go back home. But I stopped him by telling him my feelings for him." I look at Cara in the eyes. I want her to see right through me, like she always did. "I was so scared, I thought that I had lost him."

"Poor Enzo, I could only imagine how angry he felt. Here he is trying to prove his love to you and the guy that broke your heart in the first place is getting a better chance." Leave it to Cara to make me feel like the worst person alive.

"I didn't mean to. I don't know why but when I'm with Alexander I forget who I am. I forget that I have to be in control of everything in my life. I forget to think before I speak, I forget how strong I really am. I forget the pain that once lived in me and I forget that Enzo made it his job to make me happy." I say in a raspy tone.

"Don't you think I know that, Mia. I was there every time he called you worthless, even though you were smart. I was by your side when you excused his behavior by saying he was 'just in a bad mood'." She takes my hand.

"I saw you forgive him day after day, insult after insult." She stops talking as the waiter canes back to give us our order.

He puts the drinks and pastries on the table and leaves. I grab the Nutella overturn and I give Sofia a piece, Cara grabs the mini pastry and gives it to Katie.

Cara continues talking.

"I thought that once you saw what it was like to be in a healthy relationship, that you wouldn't want to go back to him."

"Cara, I don't want to go back to him. That's why I lied today. I told him that I loved him as a brother."

"Do you? Do you love him as a brother?" She asks.

"I don't know."