Loving me

Yesterday's pain

"Sometimes you don't realize your own strengths until you come face to face with your greatest weakness." Susan Gale

I still have those dreams, the ones with my angle. I still picture it in my head, Angle, Alexander and I being a family, but every single one of those dreams end with Alexander hurting us.

I wish I could go up to him and let him in, show him that there still is a part of me that loves him. I don't know if that part of me loves him because he was family for 12 years of my life or if I love him because of everything he made me feel.

I've been walking around the park, near my parents house, thinking about subjects that I have been avoiding for the past 4 years. Also the subject I've been avoiding for the past month and a half, Enzo.

"Mia!" I am brought back to reality by Alexander's voice. I turn to him.

"Alexander." He walks closer until he is a few inches away from me.

"Mimi, please don't call me that. The only name that should be coming out of your lips is Alex." He says as he puts his hand under my chin and his thumb touches my lips.

I am in a daze, I can't seem to turn from his eyes.

"Alex." I whisper. Alexander leans closer, his thumb have disappeared and was being replaced by his lips.

Right when our lips were about to touch, Alexander is pulled from me.

"Don't you fucking dare to touch her again." I see a very angry Enzo. He is is now grabbing Alexander by his collar.

"Enzo. Please." I say as I put my hand on his chest, wanting him to calm down. Both man are staring at each other.

"Papa." I hear a cry. I turn to see Sofia in her stroller. I turn to Enzo, waiting for him to let go of Alexander to go with his daughter, but he doesn't move. It looks like he too focused on making sure Alexander doesn't come near me.

I turn to Sofia and I remove my hand from Enzo chest. I walk to her and I pick her up.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" I say as bounce her, trying to calm her down.

"Papa." She extends her hands towards Enzo. She wants her dad to hold her.

"Sweetie, right now your dad is angry, I don't think you wanna be near him." I say. I know she doesn't understand, but talking to her is helping me relax.

"Papa." She repeats but this time she rubs her eyes. She is sleepy.

I lay her in my arms and I start rocking her.
"A la nanita nana nanita ella, nanita ella, mi niña tiene sueño bendito sea, bendito sea." I start singing to her. Both men look my way.

Enzo let goes of Alexander's shirt and walks toward us. Alexander is there, in shock.

In seconds Sofia is asleep. Enzo grabs her from me.

"My angle is asleep." Right when he says those words I see Alexander's face go from shocked to angry.

"So, I see that you have replaced my daughter so easily." He says through his teeth. He is beyond angry.

"I..." I try to speak. To tell him that Sofia isn't a replacement.

"Don't try. I've been beating myself since that day and you are over here forgetting her." He says before walking away.

I'm just there, watching him as he walks away.
"What is he talking about." Enzo says.

"Angle is what I use to call my daughter." I say in a small voice.

"Mia, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." He sounds worried.

"He thinks about us." I whisper to myself.

"Go after him." I hear Enzo say. I turn to him.
Is he done with me? Doesn't he want me no more? "Tell him the truth, that you don't like me enough to be my girlfriend, that Sofia is only my daughter."

"I..." I try to speak.

"Go before it's too late." I turn to the direction that Alexander left.

I start to walk. I see him in the distance. I see a car pull to a stop right next to him. The person in the car gets off and walks to him.

Gabrielle.

She goes to him and gives him a hug, I'm close enough to here them speak.

"What are you doing walking, babe?" She asks him.

"I just needed to do think somethings through." He responds.

"Is it about the wedding? Are you having second thoughts?" Wedding? He is getting married?

"I would never have second thoughts about marrying you." He says before giving her a kiss.

Gabrielle sees me.

"What are you doing here?" She sounds angry.

"I came to talk to your fiancé." I say in a hard voice.

"Can't you see how much you have hurt them? They loved you like family and you hurt them." She tells me.

"I hurt them? I was the one that was hurt. I was the one in a hospital room mourning my angle, while he was fucking you. I was the one hurt when his sister humiliated me and he did nothing. I was the one hurting when he imprinted the word 'worthless' into my head." I turn my eyes to stare at Alexander's. "They aren't hurting, the are regretting. There is a difference."

"Well... Um." She can't seem to find a comeback.

"I just came to tell him to leave me alone. That if he tries to kiss me again that my boyfriend will beat him. Me and Enzo are happy with our daughter." I get closer to Alexander. "God has given me another chance to be a mother and I'm not going to let you take that from me again." I tell him and then I walk back to where Enzo was.

I look around but I can't find them, maybe they went back to the hotel we have been staying at.

I get into the car that I rented and I make my way to the hotel.

When I get there, I see both Sofia's and Enzo's bags on the bed. Enzo walks out of the closet with more clothes.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm going home." He responds dryly.

"Why?" I ask in a small voice.

"Because I can't stay here and see you with him, Mia." He comes closer. "Because I can't see how easily it is for him to touch you like that, when it has been taking me a month and a half." He voice lowers. "Because I can't see the girl that I'm falling for, love someone else."