Survive ( twd carlgrimes)

Chapter 105

MADISONS POV.
As the bottle explodes my heart shatters into a million pieces. This can't be happening its not. I stare at her now limp body. Only a few seconds has passed but its felt like years. My hands are on her face then her waist and then finally I try to shake her awake. I grab her shoulders harshly and shake her violently but she wont open her eyes. I don't know im crying until my vision goes blurry and I have to blink over and over to see a proper image. Im screaming too but I don't really know what Im screaming. My brain is seperate to my heart and they're both seperate from whatever noise is coming from my mouth. My eyes are glued to her pale face and her blood that has stained her beautiful long, brown-blonde hair.
"WAKE UP! WAKE UP ABBIE, WAKE UP!" Thats all I hear and I realise its me thats screaming the words. I pull her tiny body up to rest her head in my lap. I smear the blood away from her face.
"Your not de... Come on.... Come on... Please, please just wake up." I cry.
I watch her and wait for her to twitch her tiny hands and sit up and smile then she will give me a hug and we will go and look for a safe place we can spend our life together as sisters and grow old with gray hair by our side as we're surrounded by each others grandchildren, just like it should be. I squeeze her small hands trying to push some life into her but nothing happens. I turn to see nearly everyone in tears. Maggie is a mess on the ground crying, I can't imagine I look any better.
"Somebody help me... Please... Help us." I cry but everyone just hangs their heads in shame. A hear a funny noise and I notice my chest is rising too fast and horrible noises are escaping me.
I turn to Luke who has had more medical experiance.
"Luke... Please..... Help me!" I beg. He walks next to me and squats only to reach towards Abbie's face and close her once warm, kind brown eyes.
"NOO!" I scream pushing him away from us.
"Wake up." I whisper. Then I get more paniced and frantic.
"WAKE UP!  WAKE UP!!" I dont know if im screaming at her or to myself.
My body shakes and I can't stop.
"Please, no... Please, please don't leave me." I cry into her ear.
I feel my body being lifted from the ground but by who I have no clue. I kick and scream until whoever it is lets me go and I scramble back to Abbie. I desperately beat down on her chest fast and even, trying to restart her heart. Rick moves close to me and sits on the ground next to us. He doesnt say anything, he just sits with tears streaming down his face.
I just got her back and i've already lost her again.... I, I lost her.
I gasp and I stop my attemps at first aid.
Realisation hits me like a truck.
"Oh my god, Rick! Shes.... Is she? She... Abbies dead. Shes dead."
He heaitantly nods his head. I look back to see everyone avoiding eye contact.
Shes dead. She's really dead because I couldn't look after like I was meant to.
My tears pour down my face now with no end and everything inside me screams for just one more hug, one more word, one more glance... Just one more.

From the corner of my eye I see Carol whisper something to Rick and he nods but all I can focus on is how cold Abbie frail hands are. My baby sister never got to live, she never got to be my baby sister. She grew up in fear, but now its all over, now shes at peace and its selfish of me to say but I'm scared, jealous and angry that I never will be. I'll never be at peace now, knowing that shes not here with me. I can feel it tearing me apart right now and I cant bear it.
The emotions that swirl around my being is unrecognisable. Fear, saddness, anger, grief, lonliness... Too much.

Nothing matters anymore. I don't try to revive her. I know shes dead now I just sit and stare at the body that my sister used to bounce around in. I hold her hand that is too cold and lifeless. Thats how I feel now. Like part of me had died with her. The tears have stopped now. I don't know if its because if cried myself dry or if im just done trying with life. My body is stiff and my eyes sting. From the lack of blinks, as I take in the image of her dead body. A voice speaks from beside me.
"Mads, we have to do something now, she'll wake up soon, we don't want that... Nobody does." They whisper. I can't move. Im just frozen in time, I can't move to nod my head I just keep starring forward at her body. They take that as a yes and I see Carol appear with a knife in her hand. My expression doesn't change but my heart beats at one hundred miles per hour and instict is to protect my sister from the knife.... But shes dead. I watched as the knife is gentaly slipped into the bass of her skull, finally putting her to sleep. The last and final tear slips from my eye and rolls silently down my cheek.
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CARLS POV.
No no no!!! This can't be happening. Abbie can't be dead... But she is. She choked on her own blood until she turned purple and too quick she turned pale and cold. I shove the palm of my hands into my eyes as if trying to push back the tears that are trying to escape. Mads lost it, but now I think she is lost. The look on her face scares me. Its like shes done trying. She doesn't move, she looks alien-like.... Or like a walker. Carol steps back after puting Abbie to peace.
"We gotta move out of here. There was too much noise here and where theres one walker there are plenty on its trail behind us." Daryl murmurs. We all nod minus Madison who could be dead for all we know. I want to go up to Madison and comfort her but i'm scared I can't be strong for her. Abbie was a sister to me too. I'm scarred to face the lifeless body of one of my best friends no matter her age. Everyone has grabbed their things and I grab mine, Madisons and Abbies. Everything that was in Abbies bag I put in Madisons. I walk up to Mads and help her put on her backpack. She doesn't help me, she doesn't lift a finger for me to put on the backpack so it takes me a minute. I place the coat that was used as a blamket over Abbie and I lift Madison up and hold her to my side. I walk forward to help her move but I think she goes into shock as her body falls limp to the floor. I have to take a few deep breaths to restart my heart and then I pick her up and carry her bridle style to where ever this silently and painful journey brings us next.