It's the day I have to go home. Calum and I had a great time yesterday. We hung out with Luke, Ashton and Michael too, which made him forget his worries for a bit.
We're now standing in front of the gate. The guys, and even Liz and Jack came along to say goodbye to me. Sadly Calum couldn't be there, because he had to be in the hospital with his parents. Of course I feel a little sad about that, but we said goodbye to each other yesterday, so that's fine by me.
"Group hug!" Michael yells and before I realise it, I'm stuck inbetween a bunch of tall guys. It must look very weird, but I don't mind. I give everyone an individual hug, and then grab my suitcase. "We're going to stay in touch." I say, and they all nod. "Sara, you have spent more time with us than we'd ever imagine. You're our friend, of course we're going to stay in touch with you!" Ashton smiles and I laugh. "That's true. One day I'll come visit you again, I promise. I love you guys."
I then turn around, wave at them, and walk over to the plane. "Off to home again..." I sigh, talking to myself. It's a twenty-hour flight, so I have plenty of time to think. Think about everything.
And that I do.
Summer isn't over yet, but in two weeks I have to go back to school. That means that it will be my final year of high school, which also means that I'll have to go focus on my finals. I'm afraid that I'll lose contact with the guys, and that is exactly the thing I don't want to happen. It will feel weird though, leaving the school I've been going to for five years. I've met all my closest friends there, and even though I know it's wrong, I feel like I'm already losing them. Donya is planning on going to Med School in a city an hour away. That means she'll be moving.
And I? I have no idea. I've been looking at a few studies, and I was planning on doing Law School, but eventually I think it's not what I want. Maybe I'll go to America. I don't know. That's something I've always wanted to do, but it costs a lot of money and I'll get homesick. I know that for sure. But still, it'll be a great experience for me. Calum told me he's got an appartment in Los Angeles when they tour in America. That means if I go to America I'll have a bigger chance of staying in touch with him, but that can't be the only thing I'm holding on to.
And then it hits me. I've told Luke, Ashton and Michael that I love them, but I never told Calum. It feels like too much of a commitment to him. But who am I lying to? I have no problem telling others that don't mean as much to me as Calum does to me. Eventually I have to tell him. But do I love him?
And again, I don't even know that for sure. So I can't make up my mind based on nothing. I can't move just because Calum'll be there. All those questions I'm asking myself seem too much right now.
I'm glad I still have a lot of options, but this year is gonna go by fast. And I don't know what's going to happen. That's the only thing I know for sure.
