KISS

Why Do I Miss You

Because we broke up doesn't mean I don't think of you. I mean, not thinking of you must be the hardest thing to do. I miss you so much and it kills me that I do. I feel so hypocritical and although I wanna blame my emotions for the way I feel, The blame is all on me. 

When we were together, My heart fluttered and cheeks grew hot. I would stutter when I spoke and always giggle when I talked. I always felt so warm when I was around you and I wanted to hug you in attempt of making you apart of me. I would always stare at you as if I'd never get to do it again and steal kisses like I could never get enough.

But when we were through, it made it seem like all that love was a facade. Stereo-typically we would curse out and lash at each other, wanting to know what we saw in the next. It was all hate and fire, malice and vengeful desire. Things like I wish you were dead, but now, I can't get you out my head.

It's not entirely true that our relationship ended so badly, we just lost interest in the next, but why we couldn't stay friends is what has me vexed. Now days, weeks, months now years have passed, and you're not completely out my head. Why does it feel like I wanna take you and you'll say you still love me, Let's marry and share a bed. 

It kills me that I still feel this way, and I can't tell it to your face, especially when you're with him now, and in your life I've been totally replaced. I still think of you, it seems weak that I haven't moved on. Now I'll tell you why I wished I never met you, and wish that these feelings were gone.

1. On my daily commute I pass by where you reside.

When we used to date I would always look down your road to see if I would catch a glimpse of you, knowing those chances were a million to one. It was almost religious that I turned my head everyday just to see you on your way. 

I remember when you moved, and I could see your house from the road. I always looked at your room and reminisced the nights we talked right there and the things the moonlight showed.

2. The songs you loved

I would never delete the songs from my player, cuz I too fell in love with them when I fell in love with you. But what killed me where the heartbreak songs, and everything it sang, exactly came through. I smiled remembering the moments when we listened to those songs, I cried of what was true. I laughed through tears of what we did, I bawled at the things I didn't do.

3. Things you did and loved

I disagreed with something said one day, I turned up my nose and then recalled. You used to do the same thing with me whenever I was being a screwball. I remember the times at the beach, you would flick your hair, Now I do the same thing, wishing that you were looking on here. I would watch you dance, and shake your head in a crazy way, now whenever I'm listening to that song, I'm swaying my head everyday. Then the mini- sunflowers that grew in your backyard. You would pick the petals in decisive trial and did whatever with the fated card. I caught myself one day picking a six petal flower and trying for a bit. I got angry when I was given the answer and crushed it.

Should I talk

Should I not

Should I talk

Should I not

Should I talk

Should I ...

4. It's still there

It's funny how we ended, funny that we had even got done. Wanting more chances, but neither of us being the one. I mean, it's not like it's fully really our fault. It was the timing and our lifestyle, the roles we played. The games we tried, the bets we staked. The one who died, when the other should have stayed. It's amazing that I wrote all this and was really meaning it true, It's amazing that after all these years.... why do I still love you.

( I remember my cousin saying our souls were meant for each other...)