KISS

This Sucks... Doesn't It

I think it sucks... it sucks doesn't it? The fact that I've tried to move on, you've tried to move on and for the love of who or whatever either just can't. It sucks that you're not in my life and it sucks just as much that I still carry memories of you, but it sucks the most that I smile whenever I recall those memories.

It sucks to remember when I first laid eyes on you that Sunday and the way you looked back at me. Who would've thought we would turn out to be what we happened to be. It sucked those months that passed when we denied our love for each other, playing games going back and forth like tug o war. It sucked that night that I left you on the beach didn't it? When we were that close to making a promise that just couldn't sit- just because you were in love with someone else. It sucked that it was my fault and I blame my heart, it was because of that that I fell apart. It sucked that years passed and I didn't forget you, it sucked that you didn't forget me either. I mean, you did smile back didn't you? And it sucked didn't it? It sucks now that you're this close yet so far, in this small world who would've thought we would be apart.

It sucks when I laid eyes on you in the interview. I could've kept to myself but instead I fell for that down to earth look on you. It sucks that you said hi, when I knew that you were shy. At least you were when it came to me because you talked to the other guys so free. It sucked that I had said hi back, when I knew that the friendship would quickly turn black. It sucked at the time I was right, I laughed to myself knowing that was the last I had seen of you that night. It sucked that I made that move, and kissed you for the first time in months. It sucked then because I knew I wouldn't be with you again- not a hunch. A year had passed after I promised we wouldn't see each other again, yet it sucked when I found myself at your door that month end. I know it sucked when you saw that I saw the shocked expression on your face, it sucked that I smiled back and evened our hearts quick beating pace. It sucks now that you have someone else, and it sucks even more that I'm okay with that. It sucks that you know that I have what he lacks. It sucks now that you're this close yet so far, in this small world who would've thought we would be apart.

It sucked that day I saw you sitting by the window, the sun like an aura around you. It sucked that I did what I didn't mean to do. It sucked that we sat and talked and got to know each other. Why didn't it suck when you said you didn't want to know another. It sucked that you pinned me against the wall, hands over my eyes and kissing me strong on the lips. It sucked that I liked it and gave back, it sucked when you started grinding your hips. It felt like love, I knew we were in love and that sucked, because along the line I knew that we couldn't be together and that idea was well ******. It sucked the months we went without hearing each other, it sucked even in the moments we did. What sucked the most was when your mother sat us down to talk and you put in your bid. I felt twisted and betrayed when you said you wanted him, and it sucked when I smiled on the outside when I knew I was dying within. It sucks now that you've gone back home, it sucks just as much that I don't miss you. Who am I kidding? It sucks I'm lying to myself and can't be true. It sucks that you're still close yet so far, in this small world who would've thought we would be apart.

It sucked nine years ago that I looked at you, it sucked I didn't move fast enough and you noticed me. I was such an idiot for trying to find you after then and you not wanting me is what I couldn't see. It sucks that I tried for years and it sucked even more when you said no. I'm glad it didn't suck when I ignored you for a year but it sucked when I came back with an interest to show. It sucks now to know that we grew so close, I cringe when I think back on asking you to marry me. It sucks to know I went along when you said yes and it sucked when the bomb hit that we couldn't be. You left me on a mental altar, embarrassed by guests and friends alike. It sucks that I held onto a dream so childlike. It sucks that you're so close yet so far, in this small world who would've thought we would be apart.

It didn't suck then when I met you last summer, it sucked when it came to a close and that was the bummer. It didn't suck as much when you laid your plans for the wedding, but when you mentioned time and became pushy it sucked for you that you had me packing. Everything was actually going fine and that didn't suck. The love, the laughs, the smiles, the sex but when you sped up I was like ****! It sucks that we became this now though, and I don't think it would suck if we got back together. It does suck that you give me these doubts and it sucks if this time you use a stronger tether. It sucks that you really are this close yet so far, in this small world who would've thought we would be apart.

It surely didn't suck that night I saw you on the 21st, what sucked was the lust you had for me- your thirst. Granted if I was a different guy I would've surely welcomed the sex, but it sucked for you that I'm not that type of guy and our relationship quickly went west. I mean everything was good, goddamn near perfect! It sucked that you didn't want to wait and sent our ship into a stupid wreck. It sucks that I still check for you, and it sucks that you still feel the way you do even with him. It sucks that we aren't together because you let it all be wrapped up by sin. It would suck if you leave him and come to me, cuz who's to say you wont do the same and be on a cheating spree. I still believe we could work out... it would be very suck-y if these were my feelings talking. It sucked to say that I love you too, it sucked that this wasn't thought through. I hate you're with him and it sucks that you are this close yet so far, in this small world who would've thought we would be apart. 

It didn't suck at the time when I found out you lived next door. It sucked like hell what I found out when we were four. It continued from there, and it couldn't suck any more or so I thought. It sucked then that I let you slip through my hands and I could've fought. It sucked to see over 6 years passed and you loved only him, it sucked and I was the ass in part that let my emotions run over the brim. It must've suck for you when the two of you broke up right? It probably sucks more now that I care less and our friendship is slowly moving out of sight. It sucks that after all these years I was a fool for you. But now in your time of need it doesn't suck at all for me boo! You probably hate me, and it will suck that I don't care, cuz wherever you go, I sure as hell don't want to be there. It sucks that you're still so close and I wish you were far, in this small world I knew we would always be apart.