Dear No One | Jeon Jungkook

Chapter 25

"You made me feel like I deserved things that I didn't deserve."

Two months later- December 20, 4:34 pm

nam seolhee.

I landed my elbows on the rough surface of parapet walls' tops. Then I laid my palms lazily on my cheeks, my gaze directed towards the scenery below me. All I saw below me were the school's parking lot, the school garden and the lower rooftop of the gymnasium. The rest of the bits and pieces of the city were further away from my sight, that's all because my school occupies a whole lot of area.

I yawned and blinked my eyes twice, moving my head towards Jinshil's direction. She stood a lot straighter than I did, and nervously tapped her trembling fingers on the same surface. She looked down and she didn't even say a word, as if she was waiting for me to say something.

"Are you okay, Jinshi-"

"Stop asking me that." She hurriedly cut me off. "I'm okay, everything's okay, don't ask me that ever again. I get your concern, alright? But tell me, Seolhee, do you love Jungkook?" She turned to me right away and anticipated for my answer. I shot back into my senses and stood up straight after the question.

I repeatedly shook my head. "No, No, what are you saying? It's not that, Jinshil." I didn't hesitate to deny. I do and I still do, but I don't know what her response could possibly be.

She sighed and gave me a small smile, gently placing her hand over my hand in assurance, "It's okay, Seolhee. It's okay to fall in love, really. He was good to you. He made you feel special, he tried to help you, he tried to save you despite my efforts of trying to save you first. He did tell me that he saw his future with you. I personally thought was weird because Jungkook wasn't the type to think of the future a lot."

I looked at both of our hands as I muttered a question under my breath, "I don't know. You love him too, Jinshil, why didn't you fight for him?" I tried to suck my tears in and struggled to not let them break loose.

Jungkook, why?

"Fights suck. There will always be winners and losers, and I didn't want to be any of the both. Jungkook is his own person. If I fight for him, it just shows that I'm forcing him to love me again- which isn't right because we all know whose heart he belongs to now. I never wanted to fight for negativity, Seolhee, seeing you weak and tormented created a soft spot in my heart telling me that I should save you. To be honest, in the past I knew that you reminded me of someone, someone whom I regret taking the life of, and I just want to clear out everything that had been a part of me before." She explained and bit her lower lip. It seemed like she was trying to hold her tears back as well.

"I was a killer. I lie, I cheat, I use people, I kill- I was a lot less than human. Annulled parents, lost family members, fake friends, everything that has been a part of my life before turned me into a monstrous creature. Every person that has ever gotten in the way of me getting the things that I want, I pushed them away. As cliché as it sounds, when I first met Jungkook, I already knew that he knew who I was. He didn't care, he focused on my best assets than my flaws, he was perfect. He slowly turned me to who I'm trying to be today."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to me. She started crying, which wasn't what I'd expect to see from her.

"I'm sorry." I muttered.

"You shouldn't be sorry. I don't deserve your trust, I was nothing but someone annoying who tried to get in the way of a story that isn't mine anymore. Jungkook cared for you, Jungkook never left you even if I was in the way. Jungkook was still the beautiful Jungkook I know until things happened. I thought I changed, but maybe deep inside I'm still the same, crazy Jinshil everyone knew. Everyone who knew was a fake, I just couldn't help it. You deserve life more than I do." She said through her agonizing sobs.

"Don't say that, Jinshil. You have a good heart. It doesn't matter who you were, what I'm seeing right now is your beauty as a human. Your kindheartedness, your maturity, you're an angel to me. Don't ever think about the past anymore, none of what you say changed what I still think of you." I assured her, pulling her closer to my shoulder as I carressed her hair.

"I'm sorry for ripping you two apart. I'm sorry because I failed to save you countless of times. I'm really sorry.." She whimpered.

"You didn't break anything apart." I gently denied, "You made me feel special too, not only Jungkook, because you were there too. You made me feel like I deserved things that I didn't deserve. Who saves who doesn't matter, both of you made me feel safe more than anyone did." I forced a smile.

She laughed bitterly. "Is it funny, Seolhee? Instead of being rivals of love, here we are in each other's company, tracing over our own pasts. From when I first met you, until now, I knew that Jungkook is yours. I hope that you had taken care of him well, because I would do the same until my very last breath."

"I know I did, Jinshil, thank you." I said, fighting the urge not to cry. "We'll be strong together."

I still couldn't believe everything.

Jungkook, though not obvious, was the most beautiful person I met. He was the same one who has gotten away, but I know that he's already at peace. Instead of the two of us together, I was with Jinshil in what felt like the last time I could ever mention his name without shedding any tears.

Jungkook, I never had regrets of meeting you because if it wasn't for you, Jinshil and Yumi, I could've already died. I treasured two months of being yours, I seized every single moment because who knew? Who knew that things could end like this?

I'm serious. I did remember everything, every single moment, and every single feeling of being with you. From when you first told me you loved me, until your last, I'd like to thank you for everything.

I hope you treasured them too- our first meeting, your curiosity about me, our bike chases, our rock throwing, both of us shouting to the sea, our cliff moments, our first kiss, our first time, and our hands joined together.

I love you Jeon Jungkook.

I tiptioed, cleared my throat and raised my voice from the top of the building. "If you're hearing me now, No One, hello! Thank you for everything, Jungkook! I would throw rocks but I don't want to hit someone on the head." I held a laugh, "I just want you to know that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me! I LOVE YOU!" I shouted even higher.

I heard Jinshil chuckle after lifting her head up. Her tears were still visible when I looked, she then reminded me of what to say next. "In fact, both of us do, you're in our hearts forever."