The Belladonna

Chapter 45

Isabella's POV:

As the day dragged on, the weather only got worse as we got closer to landing.

The clouds were dark gray over us, snow falling as we slowly drifted across the ocean. The crew was working hard to keep the snow piles low and kept the two dead men below deck to prevent them from freezing. 

I let out a shaky breath, a white cloud of smoke in front of my face as I breathed. It was freezing and the wind didn't make it any better. But the weather we were facing fit the mood of the crew. Even after talking to Niall, that brief moment of happiness went away as soon as the snow hit.

It had slipped our minds that winter was coming because of the events that have happened over the past few weeks, but we got our reminder in full blast this morning. The snow fell in different variants; hard falling for a small amount of time before just lightly falling for an hour or so. It seemed to come out of nowhere, but around noon the clouds rolled in and before we knew it, it was a downfall.

Anyways, it was hard to stay warm or even upbeat with this dreary weather.

Everyone was bundled up in big blankets and heavy coats that were stored in the lower deck,  but even that didn't stop the cold from cutting through and chilling us to the bone. 

The day could not pass by fast enough for me. But even if I looked up to guess what time it was, it wouldn't help since the sun was hidden behind the dark clouds that seemed to cover the sky for miles. 

Letting out another sigh, I held my blankets tighter to me in hopes that it would help warm me up, even though it really didn't. Shayla was walking on deck before she spotted me, coming over to talk. 

"I'm about to freeze my butt off if this weather doesn't change." she grumbles and I let out a dry chuckle, murmuring an agreement. "I have a bad feeling that it isn't going to change much today." I say, shaking my head and getting rid of some of  the snow that had gathered on top of my head. 

"Yeah, I'd have to agree with you on that. This snow doesn't seem like it's going to let up anytime soon." she mutters and I sigh, the small white cloud of breath puffing in front of me as I did. "This all seems so unreal." I say, finally voicing my thoughts and Shayla raises an eyebrow at me.

"Unreal?" she asks and I nod my head. "Everything. These last few weeks seem like they haven't even happened...or that they shouldn't have, at least. I can't really wrap my head around how much has changed in such a short amount of time." I say sadly and she frowns, her eyes clouding over in sadness.

"Yeah, I get that." she says in a low voice before letting out a sigh. "You want to think it's just a bad dream, that it never really happened or that they aren't really gone...but then you can look and reality slaps you so hard in the face. It's horrible." she whispers and I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

"I wish I could've done something." I murmur and Shayla gives me an incredulous look. "Don't you dare start that!" she snaps and my eyes widen as I stare at her. Her eyes lit up like a flame, her red hair standing out even more so against the white snow as she stared me down. 

"You couldn't have done anything Bella! We were lucky enough that you got a glimpse of who killed Edward, and you couldn't have controlled being kidnapped, we thought we were alone on that island! You were tortured and then when you faced Harry's father, you had to do what you did. He would've never left that cave if you didn't, by the sound of it. He made up his mind and there was nothing you could do to change that. And then our crew members? They were so concerned about getting you back they didn't care what they rushed into. And we were completely outnumbered - again, not your fault. And Liam and Zayn...you were on your way to help them when it happened. There was nothing you could've done that would've prevented it. So don't you dare start thinking you should've been doing something else. It wasn't your fault." she fires off, her voice getting shakier with every word she said and I feel a tear go down my face, leaving my cheek even colder than before.

"Shayla..." I murmur and she wipes her eyes quickly with the back of her hand and cursing under her breath. She moves closer to me and wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a hug, which I immediately return.

"Stop thinking that everything that goes wrong is your fault. You've already done so much, you can't do everything." she whispers and I squeeze my eyes shut, Harry's face flashing in my mind. To him, though. I thought sadly. He does think it's my fault.

"Okay." I whisper, hearing her take in a deep breath before we both pulled away, pulling out blankets closer to us. "Okay?" she asks with her eyebrows raised, as if she didn't believe me. "I won't think that way." I murmur and she slowly nods her head, swallowing hard. "Good." she breathes out before we both pause, looking around the ship.

I spot Harry first, yelling off orders at Jack and Will, who were shoveling snow off the ship as fast as they could, but it still wasn't pleasing the Captain. 

"He's not doing any better, is he?" Shayla murmurs and I sigh, shaking my head. "No." I say, seeing her out of the corner of my eye. "He's actually getting worse." I mutter and she takes in a breath. "I know." she says and we both share a worried look. 

Louis and Niall come out from below deck and they spot us, giving us a short wave before heading over towards us. Louis goes to ask a question but as soon as he sees our worried stare, he closes his mouth again and follows our gaze, both him and Niall seeing Harry furiously shoving Jack out of the way and taking the shovel from Jack, shoveling the snow himself.

"He's not doing so great, is he?" Louis mutters and Niall gives me a sad look. "No, he's not." I whisper and Shayla sighs. "He's lost." she mutters and we all nod our heads. 

"He doesn't know what he's doing anymore. To him, everything has just collapsed in on itself and then blew up in his face. He can't control anything anymore." Louis says lowly and I sigh. "But how can we make him see that we're all struggling and that we're still here for him?" I ask sadly and Niall frowns.

"I don't think it's anything we can do for him." he says and Shayla nods. "I agree. But...I think he knows he's lost. We all see it, he can't be blind to it either. It's just whether or not he accepts it. But if we try to help him find himself again, he won't listen to us or accept our help at all. No, the only person who will be able to save him is himself. He has to find himself to become found again, none of us can do it for him. It's hard, and it's going to take a long time. But it's what is going to happen." she says and I think hard about what she said.

"Agreed." Niall and Louis chorus and I nod my head, zoning out on what they started saying after that as I looked past them, over to Harry who was now pacing back and forth, staring at the ocean with an angry expression on his face. 

Can he save himself the way he is now? That doesn't seem likely. He's going to destroy himself if he doesn't change now. The more I think about it, the more my heart sinks at the thought. It didn't only seem unlikely for him to save himself...

It seemed impossible.

Sorry for the delay of updating! My brother's wedding was this past weekend and all week we've been preparing, but oh my gosh it was beautiful. It was so incredible!! But anyways, I really hope you like this chapter even if it doesn't have a lot of action in it haha!

ALSO! I'm thinking about entering Captain Styles into the Wattys this year. Do you think I should do it?? Please let me know what you think!!