Peeta and Katniss; Our love remains (Sequel to 'After Mockingjay') Book 2

I cant do this anymore

TWO MONTHS LATER

(KATNISS IS 13 WEEKS PREGNANT)

PEETA'S POV

I really dont know what to think of her anymore. She has been acting all weird, throwing up a lot and she has these wierd mood swings and has cravings. If I didnt know any better, I would think she was pregnant. But I dont think she is.

I mean I hope she isnt because that would mean she is with someone else. It would mean that somebody, is someone she cares deeply for because Katniss doesn't strike me as the kind of girl to jump into things that serious, especially when she already has two children.

Iv'e only ever met them twice. The first time was when I walked out of my house to find Katniss holding them a long time ago. 

The second  was when I left my keys to my house at her house after our 'session' type thing. She had picked up the kids from Haymitch's house and was walking back when I saw her again. She left me in her house, I found my keys. But Katniss insisted on letting me stay a while and meet the twins.

We played with them for a bit and I made some bread as we were getting hungry and then I went home. I slept with a smile on my face that night.

I had imagined that Primrose and Finnick were my children and that I was married to Katniss, but it was only a dream and nothing more. It could never become reality when Katniss already has someone.

I want to meet him. Katniss sometimes talks about him, only because he comes up in conversation, but she doesn't say much.

All she has said was that 'He was a very good man, who had nothing bad in his heart. His heart was not capable of such bad thoughts' and that 'He will be back and we can be together again' and that 'He is very handsome and comforts me all the time'

I just wish that that person was me, but I know it wont ever be.

At the moment im walking to Katniss's house for our 'session' thingy and I rang the doorbell. I was so happy to be seeing her today, even though I was her just a few hours ago for our last session.

When Im with her I never want that time to stop, whether she may only be spending time with me because she pity's me or something else, but I still love that time. When Im not with her I long for the hour when I can finally see her again.

UGH....I feel so stupid. She has someone Peeta! Get that into your thick skull! I scream at myself.

The door opens and there she is, looking as beautiful as ever. Looking like an angel without even trying. I notice she is wearing orange, but I dont know what it is that is drawing me too it.

She notices me staring and snaps her fingers in my face and it brings me back to the world, but not completely because Im still staring. She blushes when I dont stop.

"Eh Peeta....why dont you come in?" She says opening the door, I walk in nervously. I dont know why but Ive got butterflies in my stomach. I dismiss it quickly.

We begin with me baking, mainly because Katniss is hungry, but otherwise to help me. It calms me whenever I bake or paint. I bake cheese buns, her favourite, I remember it. There are some things that do come back to me.

But sadly not everything does. I hate having gaps in my life. I suddenly think of something. But I dont know whether it is true. Its only a little thing but even that annoys me.  I need to know whether it is true or not so I just ask.

KATNISS'S POV

Peeta is baking cheese buns at the moment. When I opened the door to see him staring at me I felt butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't stop them. I miss him, I need him to come back to me.

I stare at Peetas butt when he is kneading, I cant help it. Hes so cute. When I look up at his face I see so much concentration in it, but when he stops kneading and turns to me, it startles me.

"Katniss? Can I ask you a question?" He asks

"Yeah, of course you can" I say

"Your favorite color . . . it's green?"

"That's right." "And yours is orange."

"Orange?" He seems unconvinced. This reminds me of the conversation when Peeta was recovering from being hijacked so I carry it on like I did then.

"Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset, At least, that's what you told me once."

"Oh."

"You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces."

He doesn’t seem to notice that we had this convocation before, but I suppose he wouldn’t. That’s another thing he might not ever remember 

But when his eyes light up, I see that he remembers! great! thats one step closer to our family.

I feel joy. "I-I remember we had this conversation before" He says unconvinced again.

"Yeah we did, Do you remember when?" I ask hopefully

"Yeah, it was during the rebellion" He looks down

"Do you remember anything about the rebellion?" I ask

"Bits here and there" Still looking down.

When he looks up his eyes dont look there normal sparkling blue, there not the black mutt version either.

They have a look about them that is so distant, so far away from grasp the he will never come back to me.

They are still blue, but not bright. there dull. Not shinning. Just dull blue. This isn't the Peeta I fell in love with, But Its not the Capitols mutt version either. Its a new version. The lost boy.

A awkward silence settles between us for a few minutes before Peeta turns around and continues the bread. He finishes it quickly and leaves, saying that he doesn't feel well.

I think he was just making an excuse to get away from me. My real Peeta wouldn't do that. I begin to cry. I sit on my couch and just cry hysterically. 

Peeta is not the same. He will never be. I could try to forget about my love for him but I know that could never happen. The twins look so much like him. I begin to think about life If he never came back.

When I feel someone tap my shoulder, I think its Peeta, but its Haymitch instead. He hugs me and asks why im crying.

"He isnt the same Haymitch. I look at the twins and see him in them. Prim with her hair and Finnick with his eyes. Its killing me that he isn't here with them and they are asking where he is and I can't tell them because they wont understand. Peeta is missing the younger years of the twins lives. Im at breaking point. I cant do this anymore. Im pregnant and doesn't know its his. I could have it and they not knoe who their own father is" I cry hysterically and quickly sobbing into Haymitchs shirt

I cant do this anymore! 

I just cant!

Hope you liked it !!!!

I know its a bit uneventful at the moment. Sorry. :( It is going to get more interesting xx

"If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? and if so did, would that change make your life better? Or would the change ultimately break your heart? or break the heart of another? would you choose an entirely different path? or would you change just one thing? just one moment that you always wanted back..."

Thanks for reading xxx :)