I'm saying "I do"....but not for Love

Chapter 25

Katy's POV

The dinner went well, minus the conspicuous flirting of our waitress. When she first approached us and started making googly eyes at my husband. I was irritated at first, but then I noticed that Jordan was paying her no mind. Come to think of it, why would he? She looked plain and boring next to his last girl. Khiana, I mean.

The car ride home was peaceful, music playing softly in the background. Neither Jordan nor I felt much like talking, so the silence wasn't awkward. We were turning into our driveway when Jordan spoke for the first time since leaving the restaurant.

"So," he said. "Tonight, I can sleep on the couch if you want your bed back."

"No, you can't sleep with me," I said quickly. Jordan looked over and raised his eyebrows at me. "Not like that!" I ammended quickly. "I meant, you're welcome to have half of the bed."

He laughed. I felt my cheeks warming. "I knew that wasn't what you meant," he just said, laughter lingering in his tone. "I know you better than that."

"Good," I mumbled, thoroughly embarrassed and totally not wanting to have that conversation. "On to a new topic. How was my mom today? Did you see her?"

"Nah," he said. "I left early this morning. Why?"

 "We had a talk. I told her that either she either goes to rehab or leaves. I really hope she'll go!" I said. "I mean. After all this time of her acting like a crazy woman, I want her to actually grow up."

"That's understandable, Katy," he said. "I think that's what every kid wants--good parents. And you've never had that. I think it would be good for both of you."

"I do too," I said. Jordan turned the engine off and opened his door. I followed suit and we entered our house. It was almost like my mom was listening to our conversation from another place or something. She was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting patiently.

"Hello," she said in her rough voice. 

"Hi," Jordan and I said simutaneously. We shared a quick, apprehensive smile. 

"I thought about what you said," she informed me. "I'll go."

"Go....go....go where?" I said. I was not sure if she was referring to going somewhere as in leaving our house to live somewhere else, or if by some crazy chance she was actually agreeing to get help.

"Wherever you choose," she said. Mom wouldn't make eye contact with me. I could tell she didn't quite know how to go about admitting that she was wrong.

 "Ummm," I said cluelessly. 

Jordan picked up the slack for me where I had paused, not sure how to respond. "So I think Katy and I should do a little research and figure out what the best option is for you. What do you think about that?"

Mom looked at me. I gave her a tentative smile, approving my husband's suggestion. That was one specific moment that I was very glad that he and I had worked things out. Of couse, I was generally happy that we had talked. But at that moment, where he had helped me out when I was stuck, I was especially appreciative. 

"Ooookay then," Jordan said. "So are we good here?" He raised his eyebrows at the two of us.

"Yeah, I think so," I said quickly. "I mean, as long as you are...." I turned to my mom and made eye contact with her.

She looked scared. If I were in her shoes, I would be scared too. If there was one way that I took after my mom, it was my need for independence. I wanted to feel like I was in control. Because if I was in control, there was no chance of being hurt or disappointed.

When I was younger, all I had ever wanted was for my parents to love me--to be real parents, like the other little girls and boys I knew had. My need for control stemmed from that. I had gotten my hopes up so many times--birthdays, holidays, school plays or events--all of that. And every time, I was crushed by disappointment when my parents would fail me. So I tried to stop caring. It was impossible to completely give up, but I learned that if I was in control of any situation, then I would be able to limit my feelings, and those of the people around me.

"Okay," she said. Her tone had changed to a non-commital tone. I worried that she was going to change her mind and not go, but I decided not to dwell on that thought right then. I would think about it tomorrow. Hey! That would be just like Scarlett  at the end of Gone With the Wind! You know, where she says "I'll think about it tomorrow...at Tara." 

With that last thought, I told my mom goodnight and followed Jordan up the stairs to go to sleep.

Hey guys!

Sorry this took forever and a day to do! I went on the trip, and have been grounded since I got back. I'm actually still grounded :/ But I had a chance to write a little. I'll try to upload more again soon! And I'll try to make it longer!

Hope you like it!

~D