Mask- a Supernatural fanfiction

Chapter 23: A Screwed Up Soul

DEAN POV

I needed to get away from her. I couldn't just fucking stand in the same room as her without being as close to her as possible. This space thing was kicking me in the fucking balls.

I was sitting on the bed– our bed in our room. When I said I was going into our room, I silently punched myself. That was not the right thing to say. She was mad at me, and adding that it was our room only gave me the feeling that she wouldn't come back into it. She probably wanted nothing to do with me. I fucking wouldn't if I were her.

I was sitting on our bed; my elbows were resting on my knees as I held my head in my hands. I was alone, but she was in the room next door, without me. Fuck. Unintentionally, I ran my hand through my hair again and rubbed my face. This was definitely not going to end well. I was going to fucking give in. And when I did, she would run for the fucking hills.

I heard the door open, and I jumped up, expecting it was her. But it was only Sam. I rolled my eyes in disappointment and let out a huff.

"It's nice to see you too, dude," he sarcastically greeted as he closed the door behind me. I looked at him and gave him a glare. He didn't even flinch under it because I had given it to him so many times before.

"Don't start. This whole space thing is fucking me up, man." I warned him as I gave him the cue to fucking help my dumb ass get through this shit.

He walked over to me and patted my shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Dean. You did the right thing," he tried to reassure me, but it only made me get a damn headache.

"Fuck you. I'm not going to make it through this shit, Sam. I need your help," I let out a sigh and mumbled, "I don't want to lose her."

His eyes did the whole 'oh my god, you poor little soul. I pity you' look and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I didn't need him to pity me. I needed him to fucking help me.

I looked back at him and continued, "And since you have been through this shit before, I need you to tell me what the fuck to do so I don't screw this up."

Sam had dated before, when he took a break from hunting. He had a girlfriend in college, ironically, named Jess. He was with her for a long ass time and he was going to give her the ring. But, unfortunately, our lives as hunters came back to bite him in the ass, and she was killed by a demon. That's how he got back in the game. I'll add to this wonderful Cinderella story that that asshole-cock-sucking-fucker demon also killed our mom and dad. The motherfucker was now dead, courtesy of yours truly. That's the hunter life for you: fucked up beyond compare.

"You screwed up already, Dean," he informed me as he glared at me with an eyebrow raised. I knew that already, Einstein!

"You think I don't know that, Sam?" my voice got strong as I got frustrated, "I fucked up, okay? I fucked up bad. I know that! And you're not helping with bringing it up!"

"What in the right mind made you think it was a good idea to do that to her? She doesn't deserve this! After all she's been through!" he raised his voice back at me. He was still pissed. I mean, I did cheat on his best friend, on my best friend. Fuck.

"I was pissed, Sam!" I tried to explain myself, but he wasn't convinced.

"That doesn't make it okay to cheat on her!"

"Fuck. You think I don't know that, Sam?" I lowered my voice a little as I ran my hand through my hair. The guilt was firing its large ass machine gun at my chest. And I didn't have any armor to even muffle the pain.

I continued, "I wish I could take it all back, Sammy. I-I miss her already."

I looked back up to him, and I saw his eyes soften. I couldn't look at the 'I pity your fucked up soul' gaze, so I bowed my head. I felt his hand grip my shoulder and I forced myself to look back up at him.

"Hey. Of course I'll help you, Dean. I'm your brother. It's my duty to help you. We've been through a lot. You'll get through this. I know you can. She just needs some time, okay?"

I couldn't take anymore of this and it was only a couple minutes. How long did I have to tie myself to a wall to stay away from her?

"How much time?" I asked him, hoping he wouldn't say something too extreme.

He shrugged. "I don't know, maybe a couple days?" What?! "Maybe a week..." WHAT?!

"Woah! A week? I can't last a week, Sam!"

"You're the one who cheated. She needs time to think about what she wants. It might take her more time if you don't give her the space she needs," Sam warned. Fucking hell.

I sat back down on the bed and ran my hand through my hair, again. This is hell. And I've been to hell, literally. But this is worse than there.

I want to go back into that room and declare my love for her. I want to tell her how fucking stupid I was even being near that whore. I want to kiss the fuck out of her lips until they swell. I want to hold her close to me, and never let go.

But I know I can't fucking do it. I know I can't go back into that damned room because I would never leave her side. I can't go back into that room because I know she'll only want to stay away from my ass longer, as Sam had warned. And that would be the ultimate hell on earth.

Why did I even kiss that girl? I had no affection towards that slut until she gave me a drink and batted her gross eyes with the disgusting makeup. Then suddenly I wanted to grip her fake boobs tight and fuck the night away with her. I was going to use Tara, but once I heard Catherine's voice, everything snapped back. I realized what I was doing and I stopped. I couldn't even believe what I did until she brought me back. Something is seriously wrong with my ass and I can't even think about what suddenly took over me.

What the fuck did that bitch do to me?