Mask- a Supernatural fanfiction

Chapter 20: New Body, New Me

CATHERINE POV

I sat up, gasping for air. What the heckity-heck just happened?! The last thing I remember is seeing a really, really bright light and then BOOM. Here I am. Wait! Did I just die?! What the hell???

I realized I was sitting in Sam's bed and I felt... okay. The wounds I had didn't hurt anymore. I lifted up my tank top only to find that the stab wound wasn't there anymore. None of the cuts and bruises was there. I thought maybe I had dreamed it, but the blood on my tank top only told me otherwise. Cas must've healed me.

I looked to my side, Dean now sitting next to me on the bed with his eyes glossy. His face was bruised and bloodied. What the hell happened to him? I looked to Cas, his face concerned and confused. I glanced at Sam, who's face looked relieved, but tired. Where was Jess?

"Hey, you okay?" Dean asked me as his bright green eyes poured into mine.

"Uh, yeah, I think so," I answered as I rubbed my head. I knew there was something I had to remember about him, but it wasn't coming. I looked at him as I knit my eyebrows together in confusion.

"What happened to you?" Did Edward get to him?

"You left a Barbie doll to keep me away from you, remember?" he answered as I saw his face fill with sadness. It took me a second to realize he was talking about Luke.

"You got into a fight with Luke?" I asked him to clarify. Of course he would get into a fight with Luke. Why did I not think that through before leaving? I hope Luke is okay... Then I remembered why I walked out. I felt a pit grow in my stomach.

"Yeah, and then two body builders threw me and Skywalker in gorilla cages," he answered as he tried to bring a smile on my face. It worked, and although I was dying inside, I let out a small chuckle.

"You were thrown in jail?" I asked him to clarify with a small forced smile on my face. He smiled.

"Then I punched a wall," he continued as he showed me his knuckles that had dry blood on them. I held his hands in mine as I turned them around. His right hand looked broken.

"You probably broke them. You really shouldn't get into fights with brick walls. You'll never win," I told him. He laughed and I heard Sam let out a chuckle. I looked to him and he was shaking his head. He looked tired. They all did. I looked to Cas, who looked confused still, but had a small grin on his face. I looked back at Sam.

"Where's Jess?" I asked him. He looked up to me and walked over. He sat into the chair next to the bed and leaned on his knees.

"She went out."

"Out? Did she tell you where she was going?" I asked as my stomach filled with worry for my friend.

"She said she was going to ask around to see if anyone found you," he answered.

"Well I'm here, so where the hell is she?" I commented.

"I can call her?" he suggested and I nodded my head.

"Yeah, call her. And tell her to bring back pizza and ice cream. I need it after today," I informed as I recalled today. I let out a sigh, and fell back down on the bed.

"What happened?" Cas asked as Sam got on his phone. I looked to Cas and brought my hands to my face to rub my eyes. I didn't move them when I answered.

"Well, for one, my brother is alive and well," I moved my hands to see confusion on Sam and Dean's faces. Cas only looked away, but I ignored it.

"And by 'alive' I totally mean 'a demon'," I explained further as I tried not to let the memories of him torturing me come back. It wasn't what he did to me physically. It was more of what he said to me. It all sounded so true and I believed every word. But I knew I shouldn't because that's what he wanted.

Dean and Sam raised their eyebrows and exchanged looks. But that wasn't the end of my discovery.

"And he works for Edward, and he was the one I saw at the park, and he's the one who kidnapped me," I continued. I sat myself back up and brought my knees to my chest. I felt a rock in my chest. I looked to Dean and let out a sigh as I remembered our fight.

"You were right," I practically whispered. I saw his face flash with guilt and then remorse. He moved towards me with his eyes glossy, but all I heard was Joe's voice repeating in my mind.

"You think he loves you... he only lusts for you... He probably won't even care. He can get whatever girl he wants. You're nothing to him... He cheated on you... You really think he cares about you?"

I quickly shot up from the bed and moved away from him. All I saw was his lips on that girl. All I saw was his hands holding her to him. All I saw was her all over him. All I heard was Joe's insults. All I felt was pain.

Everyone's faces had shock painted all over them, especially Dean's. It hurt to see him like this. But I just– I just– couldn't. He cheated on me. And– and I couldn't just– I couldn't just let him go off easy. Could I? No, I couldn't. I can't do that to myself. It hurt, so fucking bad. But I think I love him. But apparently he doesn't love me back.

Everyone looked at me for an explanation, and I knew I should answer them, but all I saw was that girl and Dean. All over each other.

Dean slowly got up, as he slowly approached me. I only backed away from him as if he would touch me, I'd give in. He would never have respect for me. I would lose the shred of respect I had for myself. That was probably the only thing I was holding onto.

I saw his eyes and how they were soft. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to clean the wounds on his face. But he could be lying to me right now. Not with words, but with actions. He could be playing me. And I didn't want to give in, no matter how much my body wanted to be close to him. No matter how many times I would feel the fire when we touched. No matter how good his soft pink lips felt on mine. No matter how good it felt to hear him laugh, to see him smile. I wouldn't give in to his warm voice. I wouldn't give in to how he smelled like leather, liquor, sweat, mint, and a faint smell of cologne. It was the perfect combination of aromas– the type you wouldn't think would smell good together, but do. I wouldn't give in to the calming scent that was Dean. I wouldn't give in to his intense stares with those powerful bright green eyes. I wouldn't give in to how I feel safe around him. I wouldn't give in to Dean Winchester. But I definitely wanted to. Shit.

He cautiously approached me, but before he could get closer, I held up my hand. He stopped and I saw his eyes fill with sorrow, and it was the worst thing to see. But I couldn't give in. I couldn't let myself stoop that low. I needed to be strong. Right?

I stood with my hand up, as I quickly thought of something to keep him away from me. Sam was standing now, his eyes watching me and glancing at Dean. I knew then that he knew what Dean did. But I could still see the pity he gave his only family member left. I couldn't look at Sam. He was unintentionally urging me to forgive his big brother. I looked to Cas, whose expression was confused, but attentive. He glanced between Dean and I as he tried to find out what was going on. I couldn't look at him either– he didn't know what happened and I didn't have the strength to catch him up. So I looked everywhere but at a face, have it be a floor, wall, or anything else my eyes can land on. I bowed my head.

"Please..." I finally sputtered out at Dean, although I wasn't looking at him, "I- I just need to be alone right now."

I knew that it wouldn't be the best thing to do. I just escaped. I got out. But it all happened because I was alone. But I didn't want to be around anyone now. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to cry myself to sleep as I tortured myself with the memories.

The worst thing was realizing Joe was right. I really did think I could be happy again. I could be happy with the Winchesters. But I was wrong. I felt betrayed, and weak, and alone. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore. I felt like it would be better if I were just gone. And the worst and scariest feeling was wishing Cas hadn't brought me back.