Covert Affair [Snowbarry Spy AU]

That Peace Inside Of You

A/N: So here is the last chapter before the epilogue! I had the second part of this chapter all planned in my head ever since I wrote the very first chapter of this story. It's been a while now and I still can't believe how far this story has gotten. And it's all thanks to you guys!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and let met know what you thought about it ;)

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Barry fidgeted with his tie for the thousandth time in the last ten minutes. He felt nauseated, like he couldn't breath, like the collar of his shirt was closing in on his throat, taking his last breaths away. He wasn't sure if he could do this. Every nerve-ending in his body was telling him to just run away and never look back, to get out of there, to start all over again, with a new identity, with a new story, in a new city, with a new job and everything, leave all the rest behind. But he knew he couldn't do that. I didn't want to run away.

A firm hand settled on his shoulder, bringing him out of his nervous trance.

"Hey, how are you doing buddy?"

Barry turned around and faced Cisco. "Cisco, I didn't know you were coming." He exclaimed surprised to see the young man.

Cisco shrugged and gave him an apologetic smile. "Yeah, well Caitlin told me the commemoration was today, so I thought I'd drop by to show you my support. You look like you need it."

Barry felt his heart swell at the thought of Caitlin talking about him and the commemoration. He hadn't heard from him since he had spent the night in front of her apartment and he had stopped trying to contact her. He had received the message loud and clear: she didn't want to talk to him. But she must not hate him that much if she had hinted to her best friend in what state of mind Barry would be. More than that, it also told him that she had heard his long monologue outside her apartment.

"I really appreciate it, Cisco." Barry thanked him, feeling a bit lighter now. The young engineer nodded, gave him a light tap on the shoulder, before making his way to find a place to sit. Barry soon followed his example and went to sit in the front row, just in front of a big photo of his parents.

The beginning of his parents' commemoration was a bit morose, with a few words from a pastor that Barry didn't quite pay attention to. The ceremony was taking place outside, near their actual graves and Barry closed his eyes, letting the wind stroke his face. He opened his eyes just when they called out to him. He had to get up to make a speech, but he wasn't quite sure if he could do it. On his left, his friends gave him encouraging looks and nods.

Barry took a deep breath and finally made his way to the front, facing the rows of chairs filled with people coming in remembrance of the great couple that his parents had been. He took the piece of paper, where he had written his speech, out of his inner jacket pocket. He blankly stared at the words but was somehow incapable of saying them. So he decided to crumple the piece of paper into his clenched fist.

Barry looked up and cleared his throat. "Well, first of all, I would like to thank you all for coming... I'm sure my parents would really appreciate it..." He managed to say and he received compassionate looks from his audience. "Not sure that they care right now..." He mumbled bitterly. "They were taken away from this earth way too early! They were torn away from me as I was just a kid." He spat out angrily, tears burning his eyes. Who in the world had thought that him making a speech would be a good idea?

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had to be strong even if his life was completely falling apart. "I'm sorry... guess I'm still a bit bitter about everything... but... they were great... so they deserve a great speech... not sure I'm the greatest speaker here... I mean... look at me rambling here... I can't possible make them justice..." Barry shook his head and cleared his throat again. "Maybe one day I'll come to peace with what happened... but I'm not quite there yet... phew, this is way harder than I thought... I... I..."