Rude ~ Phan

Today

Dan's POV

I woke up but I didn't want to wake up. I wish that I had gone to sleep forever. I turned over and tried to fall back asleep, I wasn't ready to face reality just yet. I wasn't ready to think about Phil. Too late, ugh. 

I obviously wasn't going to fall back asleep so I sat up slowly. My body ached and I had the itchy sensation of too much crying and not enough sleep. I don't know if I could do this anymore. Everyone tells me that to defeat depression you have to want to beat it. How the hell do you actually do that? Of course I want to beat depression.

Maybe it's battling the tiredness, the want to lay in bed and stare at the wall. I had to do this for Phil, he doesn't need lazy ass fans, he needs fans who are willing to take action. I will do whatever it takes to help Phil, and maybe he will want to do the same back to me.

What do I do? Do I stalk Phil and show up at his hospital bed and try to cheer him up? No, that's weird. Okay, maybe I should get a new twitter and tweet him positive things? I could tell him how much he means to me. We could be friends and he could never even know that I was that other douche-bag. I might actually be friends with Phil Lester!

I'm getting my hopes up too high, he could be almost dead and all I can think about is wanting to be his friend. Maybe I should devote today to me, instead of Phil. After last night, I might need it. I've never actually experienced anything that bad. I was terrified and honestly I don't know how I'm functioning right now.

Now that I mention it, I am shaking. Is this really the normal for me? Jesus, I'm a mess.

I need a break from Phil, just for today. No watching his videos, no tweeting him, nothing about Phil. If I don't have my sanity, then what do I have? For once I'm going to do something for me.

Today is going to be me day, but I'm going to do things that I would never usually do. I'm going to go outside and explore. I'm going to try my best to not get on the internet and I'm just going to enjoy being alive. I'm going to care for myself and I'm going to be happy. 

Okay, enough bark now for the bite. I stand up and go downstairs to grab breakfast. I make toast instead of cereal, I spread peanut butter on one piece and jelly on the other. Normally, I would never ever eat toast. As I ate, I scribbled a note to my parents saying that I would be out all day and that I would be fine so there was no need to contact me. 

I ran upstairs and pulled on the least depressing clothes that I own and ran downstairs. I pulled on the tennis shoes that I have never once used. I grabbed my phone and wallet just in case and walked out into the world. I had no clue where I was going and for once that was okay.

It was almost noon and I had a full day of adventure and mysteries ahead of me. Honestly, I was a little scared, I was so small compared to the huge world in front of me. I walked down the stairs in front of my house and stepped onto the pavement.

Today I was someone else, I could be anyone I wanted to be today. I wasn't trapped by anything and it felt so good. I walked to the underground and looked at the places where I could go. I chose the most expensive ticket because it was the furthest away. 

I wasn't poor and I had enough money to survive several days all by myself. I purchased the ticket and got onto the train. The world was mine today.

After a three hour train ride, I stepped out into the brand new place. I probably wasn't going to be home tonight, so I texted my mum that I was staying at a friend's house to prevent worry. I wandered around the city and found a coffee shop that looked cozy.

I walked into the shop right as my stomach growled softly, I set my shoulders back instead of being embarrassed. I ordered a hot chocolate and a bagel. I wasn't feeling like myself at all hence why I wasn't eating a lot. 

I felt so content with my life right now. I hadn't thought about Phil all day. I was starting to think that maybe I could survive without him. Maybe he was doing more harm than help. Maybe I tricked myself that he was trying to help me out of my sadness but he was actually drowning me in it instead. 

It felt so great to be happy. My worries only briefly flashed across my mind. I wasn't constantly anxious about every single little thing. I could relax and just let life happen. I didn't even realize that I was crying until an employee walked up to me and asked me if I was okay.

"I've honestly never been better." 

She looked at me strangely and walked away. I stood up and threw away my trash, on to the next chapter of my adventure. I turned back to the employee to ask her a question.

"Excuse me, do you know where the nearest hotel is?" I asked confidently.

"Oh yeah, it's a few blocks away. Turn left when you leave the shop and go straight for two blocks and then take a right and it should be right there. Come again!" She replied enthusiastically.

"Thank you," I replied back and left.

I followed the girl's instructions and found the hotel. It was a nice hotel but not too fancy. It was very cozy and not big at all. By this time it was 8:00 pm and I was starving. I walked into the lobby and looked around.

A huge empty fireplace was in the center with about a dozen chairs around it. There were cookies on a table near it. The front desk sat opposite the table. A young lady stood at the front desk with a warm smile.

"Hello, sir! How may I help you today?" She greeted me in a honey-like voice.

"I'd like a one-bed room for one night." I replied back confidently.

"Okay, so here are the costs for one night. How are you going to be paying?" She chattered.

She slid me a piece of paper and I pulled out a credit card. I handed it to her and she beamed back. After a while, she handed it back to me along with a key card. I thanked her and went to find my room. 

I found it after a minute of searching, it wasn't a very big hotel. I swiped the key card and walked into the small, warm room. The bed was covered in a bright white comforter and had a tv opposite it. Two doors led into the closet and bathroom.

I finished scanning my room. A growl of my stomach decided that it was time for dinner. I walked out of my room and the hotel, with the lady at the front desk telling me to be safe. I found a small restaurant nearby and stopped there. I walked in and seated myself.

I glanced at the menu and decided to order something totally not me, a salad. It was cleansing and that's exactly what I need right now. I don't think I have ever had  a salad in my life. I ordered water and a salad when the waiter came to take my order. 

When the food came out 5 minutes later, I dug in. I was pleasantly surprised to find that salad wasn't that bad. I took my time eating and just admired the place. There was soft music playing and drawings all around the place. 

Once I finished eating, I payed and found my way back to the hotel. It was 10:00 pm and I was tired. I had done so much walking today, I was pretty sure that I had explored the entire town. I went inside the hotel and had a nice conversation with the lady at the front desk and then went to my room.

I was exhausted, but I had never felt so refreshed and happy. I could get used to this life. I pulled off my shirt and laid down on the comfortable bed. I fell asleep with a smile on my face for once.

~

WOAH

im not really sure what i just wrote lol

okay guys im so screwed i have to get up really early tomorrow but i stayed up kinda late writing this story cause im dedicated yo and im gonna die hELP

okay yeah im gonna go sleep night

bye lovelies xx