A New Perspective

Chapter Ten - Late Night Phone Calls

    My mind was racing, my heart was pounding in my chest; and I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, nervousness or maybe even regret? How could I have kissed him? What the hell was I thinking? Our friendship was doomed now, I just know he's not going to call or even text.

Dread sets in as I make my way into the shower, It's been an hour since I've gotten home and I still haven't heard anything from him. If I don't hear anything by the time I go to bed then I'll know what that means. It's done and over, no more fun and no more friends. 

Rolling over looking at my clock mocking me telling me it's closing in on being 2 in the morning, I can't sleep with my mind racing reminding me of how much of an idiot I had been letting myself get close to someone; let alone crush on them. 

*Bing* My heart stops, only one person ever texts me...

  "I can't sleep."  Was all he said, he can't sleep either! Maybe this is a good sign, maybe he likes me back but is just nervous because we still barely know each other?

  "Same, you ok?"  Taking a deep breath, I've got to play it cool. Groaning into my pillow I stare off into the dark, how did I go from pretty much hating the human species to this? Maybe we do need to back off each other, I'm starting to not recognize who I am anymore.

"Yeah, just lot on my mind. You good?"  That makes two of us, my mind won't stop going back and forth. It wants to live life but then again it doesn't want get hurt.

"Yup, I'm good. If you want someone to talk to, you could always call me."  I hit the send button before I could talk myself of it, right now I wanted to live and I wanted to be there for him if he wanted to take me up on my offer. Sure enough he did, my phone started buzzing to life in my hand lighting up with his name and his pantie dropping picture.

"Hey."  I answered quickly.

"Hey, I just want to say something..." He trailed off leaving the line in silent suspense.

"Okay..."  I tried pressing him to continue.

"I shouldn't have kissed you, I don't want to lead you on. You're an amazing girl, God you're amazing. You know how to make me laugh and smile when I've had a really shitty day, you know when to just be there and offer comfort without a word. It's truly hard to find someone like you."

My heart was pounding in my chest and tears were building up in my eyes, we weren't even dating and yet he was breaking up with me? I was trying so hard to hold the sniffles back, the last thing I want is for him to hear me crying.

"Sutton, I don't regret kissing you; please don't think that. I'm just not in a place in my life to where I'm ready for a relationship, I'm also not the kind of guy who asks you to wait around. I'll understand if you don't want to hang out with me anymore, I do feel like I've led you on though and it really bugs me."

How do I respond to him? What do I say to make things go back to the way they were, why did our stupid feelings have to ruin what we have? I smile a little to myself knowing that he may have stronger feelings towards me than just as a friend, mostly glad I wasn't the only one.

"I don't want things to change, Brendon. I told you sitting on your couch that one night, I don't get close to people because I don't want to get hurt. Yes, it may be different because we are now both aware of our feelings towards each other but I do agree it's probably not the best time in either of our lives to be in a serious relationship; but damn it that doesn't have to change the way things are now."

  "Sutton, the last thing I want is for what we have to change or to stop period. I felt that I should let you know what has been going through my head these past few days, I don't want to hurt you. Honestly that is the last thing I would ever want to do."

"Then just let things be, don't overthink them. It's easier if we just go with the flow, we both know where we stand with each other now; so now that we do know where we stand lets just continue to do what we do."  I could hear him take a deep sigh, is this not what he wanted?

"You're right, as long as we both know that nothing more can happen." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than me. Deep down inside of me wanted to know why more couldn't happen, what if it was just no strings attached?

  "And now we do. Let's just move on from this because it's kinda killing the mood." I mumbled trying to sound peppy as I could.

"Mood? What were you doing before I interrupted you?" His voice went from curious to seductive, oh how I could mess with him. Should I or should I not?

"Mmm... Well, I was thinking about you.." I murmured trying to sound sexy as I could, not sure if I really pulled it off though.

"Oh yeah?" His voice was excited yet still curious.

"Yeah..."  I could hear him sighing with frustration, listening closer I heard him rustling about.

"I think I need a new picture of you, I haven't gotten one recently."  I just giggled and faked a yawn.

"I don't know, I'm really tired. I'll send you one tomorrow?" 

"How about I take you out to dinner, tomorrow night?" He sounded a bit eager and slightly nervous.

"Okay, I'll text you in the morning. We can figure out the rest then." 

"Alright, get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow." 

"You too!"  His chuckle always put a smile on my face.

    He likes me, but he doesn't want to date me; but he likes me! I'm being reckless and I don't even care... For now at least.