A New Perspective

Chapter Fourteen - Wrong Never Felt So Right

                                                                        ~ Brendon's POV ~

   Laying here in bed with another girl feels so strange, Looking over to her crimson red hair covering her face and my pillows, she's beautiful no doubt; she just feels like a forbidden fruit that I shouldn't have nor want. Something deep inside me is telling me that this is wrong, maybe it's because I'm scared?  No, there is no way. It's been two years and she isn't the only girl I've been with since Brooke left, I've had a couple others but this nagging feeling just won't go away.

My heart starts racing as she turns over in her sleep, I can't possibly be catching feelings for her? It has been nearly two months of none stop talking and spending time, come on man, get yourself together. Sitting up in bed I sat on the edge putting my head in my hands, what have I done? I tried to fight the want for her but she was so damn sexy that it was hard to resist, lord knows I tried my hardest.

Glancing back at her my heart flutters a bit, I'm acting like a damn chick but she's got something special that just draws me in and leaves me wanting more. Running my hands through my hair my frustration at myself is starting to turn into regret, I know I didn't want her to regret this but I never expected that I would be the one who would. She's a great girl and I'm a really fucked up guy, I'm not sure how she hasn't seen that yet or maybe I'm just good at hiding it.

As she starts tossing a turning a little bit more the covers start coming off her naked body, her sweet sexy body is on full display for my viewing pleasure. I could feel the stirring between my legs as I took in the site before me, just playing back the feeling of being deep inside her feeling so tight and incredible. She was by far the best lay I've possibly ever had, Brooke would never have let me fuck her the way I did Sutton. She would have thought I was a monster as to where Sutton was encouraging me more and more, when I see myself with Sutton I see the real me but when I think back to how I was with Brooke, I was who she wanted me to be.

I know I told her that I wasn't ready for a relationship and I know she isn't either, maybe this is a one off kind of thing? Can I really only be friends with her now? Can I really not want sex with her anymore?

  "Fucking hell dude, what have I gotten myself into?" I whispered into the dark, turning back to look at her I find her deep brown eyes are already looking at me. My heart immediately starts racing in my chest again.

"You're regretting it... Aren't you?" Her soft voice echos through the dark, I shake my head not able to look her in the eyes. I'm not even sure if I do or if I don't. I feel the bed shift as she moved closer to me, her bare chest brushes against my back causing me to tense to keep myself in check.

"I don't want to, I just don't want you to get hurt." I mumble unsure if she heard, hearing her breathing hitch I know she heard. I glance back to see the hurt in her eyes hating myself for causing it.

"I'm sorry, Brendon... It's my fault I pressured you... You told me no and I kept on." She said her voice cracking near the end, I felt the bed shifting again she moved to get up.

"Sutton, stop." I say reaching for her hand as she stands from the bed, I pulled her to me and rest my head against her stomach wrapping my arms around her to hold her close. I could feel her slightly trembling under my touch, her hands rest on my shoulders unsure of what to do. "I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now, I'm a mess and I didn't want to drag you down with me." I whisper as I listen to her breathing, her hands relaxed as she settled herself into my lap.

Her dark brown eyes stared into my blue ones like she was seeing into my soul, I wasn't used to ever feeling this way with any girl. "Is it because she came back?" Her words sent chills down my body, could it have been because Brooke came back?

"I... I honestly don't know, ever since I met you something in the back of my mind has been leery and cautious of you... It's like I know you're to good for me and I don't want to get hurt but then I'm scared that I am going to be the one to hurt you."  Letting out a long sigh I shake my head trying to rid the thoughts that have plagued me since the day I was rejected. Wrapping my arms tighter around her waist holding her to me like I was using her to help keep me put together.

"Brendon.... This doesn't have to be anything more than what it is. We didn't make love, we aren't making this a relationship. All we are doing is what feels good, this can be friends with benefits type of thing or it can be a one off just to get it out of our systems."  Her words stung a little but I knew she was right, I need to get my shit together and stop acting like a damn pansy. No woman should ever make me feel like I'm not good enough, if anything I'm to damn good for them.

"You're right, I'm making this a bigger deal than it is. As long as you know that it's just friends type thing."  Looking at her forced smile made me feel even worse but she was the one to say it, I'm not saying that it won't turn into something more but for now it needs to be just friends.

"Now that we have that settled..." Her forced smile turned seductive as she lowered her head brushing her lips against mine, her hands found my hair tugging gently causing a light moan to escape me.

"I like this settlement." I mumble against her lips feeling her smiling. This little red headed vixen is going to be my downfall I already know it.