Always Awake

Chapter 4

I woke up to 4 text messages and 3 missed calls. Should I be worried. My face brightened up after I realised they were from Jack. I swiped onto my phone to read them. My smile faded into a frown.

JACK: okay to meet up tomorrow after school
- my place, 4:30
- you okay? seemed a bit off earlier...
- maybe wear a shorter skirt today? ;)

The texts weirded me out a bit. What if Jack wasn't the guy I thought he was? But then I remembered back to the toilets, and how sweet and nice he was...and cute. He always gives me those nervous butterflies when I'm around him. I swear my heart jumps a beat, when I brush past him in school. I have liked him for ages, I should go ahead with it, right? I suddenly felt weird and pressured. But I really didn't want to disappoint him or ruin things.

I tried my best to make my skirt look "short". I felt horrible already. I can already hear the word "slut" whisper through my ears. And I haven't even left yet. I looked in the mirror before I left. God. What a sight. Dad would never call me his daughter looking like this (that's if he was actually here to see me). I was so nervous for later. As soon as I stepped out the door, people began to stare. I felt like a new animal in a zoo. I immediately lengthened my skirt, a bit. I really don't know if I want to see Jack after school, especially after the pervy texts I received...LAST NIGHT.

I walked the rest of the way to school with Jas. A group of boys were walking behind us, which made me nervous. They were whistling and shouting inappropriate comments that I don't want to repeat. I ignored them. Jas was liking it, I think. She kept turning around and giving them cheeky grins. Jas is the opposite to me. She is so confident, and gets on with most boys, apart from Jack. They have a history, which I thought I forgot about. She enjoys to impress boys. Flick her sleek, shiny, blonde hair over her shoulder. Flash them a pearly smile, and a wink. It was cheesy. But the boys digged it. Jas could lure them into her presence, mesmerised, in a matter of seconds. I can't do any of the stuff she does, at all. I look like, something is wrong with me in the head. I just kept quiet, and let Jas spread her irresistible flirtyness.

I didn't expect Jack to come and see me at school, because him and Elouise are still together. I like talking to him, but I can't help feeling like some kind of object in his game. I making sure that I am not bothered by them as a couple. Besides, I can't let some obsession over a boy take up all my time, I need to keep my friends close.

"Ellie we need to talk to you" Maddie said grabbing my arm, I was worried. "We've had enough, we wanna know what's going on" Maddie sneered. She sounded very serious. "There is nothing going on...and even if there were, I probably wouldn't be able to say" I said quickly. I instantly regretted what I just said, I basically said I didn't trust them. Maddie looked as if she was about to bitch-slap me, I did deserve it. Maddie glared at me, twisted on her heel, and stormed off in complete rage. Jas looked so hurt. On the verge of tears. A twinkling tear, rolled down her rosey-blushed cheek. Her icy blue eyes, pierced straight through me, right into the pit of my heart. I knew I had hurt her. My heart ached. She took a step closer. "I thought you trusted me" she said tearfully. One of her guy friends gave her a call. "Coming!" She called, trying to mask her sadness.

I had only met Maddie 3 years ago, but I had known Jas since I was a baby. I told Jas everything. From my first crush, first kiss, first heartbreak... Jas was the first person I told when my dad died. I trusted her with my life, and so did she. She had always stuck up for me, and had my back. Through everything. She was my soul sister.

All day I felt like crying, all I wanted was a hug from my best friend. Which was out of the question for a couple of days. I saw Jack in the hallway, which brightened my mood by a millimetre. He was stood there, unaware that I was staring. His bronzed hair was ruffled perfectly. Shirt crumpled. He made everything look so cute.

When I got into class, it hit me at how much I had hurt Maddie and Jas. I had betrayed their trust. Especially when 4 years ago: me,Maddie, and Jas promised to ALWAYS choose 'Sistas before Mistas'. Which I had virtually broke already. I missed them already, it had only been under half an hour. I felt so alone, and I was. I had no one to talk to anymore. I saw them laughing together, without me. Like in an instant they had replaced me with each other. Bitterness and guilt filled every inch of my body, leaving me cold, empty and alone. I had messed up really badly, typical me though. I always seem to hurt people one way or another. I'm probably better off alone anyway. Everything always ends in tears, in my case anyway. I need to make a decision, for real this time. It's either, them or him.

Throughout the whole day, one question was banging on at me with a hammer, it began to give me a headache because I couldn't stop thinking about it. " JACK OR MY FRIENDS". I was torn between the two. I have liked Jack for years now, longing to be with him and just as things were progressing I have to make this decision. But my friends had always had my back. I need to talk to Jas and Maddie, somehow. I needed to tell them everything.

At lunch, I went to find them. They didn't look pleased to see me, I wouldn't be either if I was them, not gonna lie. "I know you don't wanna talk to me, and I get it-" I was cut off by Maddie, still fuming like the head teacher- Mr Jenkins, 24/7.
"You know what Ellie, I don't think you do get it-"
"Maddie, if you just let me explain things-"
"No! I don't want to hear it, cut the bullshit, it's clear. You don't trust us. You might as well go off with whatever guy you have on the go, you clearly like him MORE than us" Maddie said outraged. I was lost for words. Jas didn't say a word.

"FIESTY MADDIE!" joked Finlay- the class clown. Maddie was not laughing, in the slightest. I couldn't resist a snigger. She rolled her eyes. "You have nothing to be laughing about" she growled. Finlay and his crew were enjoying the heated "conversation". I kind of forgot my purpose of being there, to sort things out. But, Maddie had really got under my skin.

We went at it for a good 10 minutes, until things got a tad too heated and most of the school was gathered. Filming our argument. Mr Jenkins pushed passed, separating us. He ordered us to our next class. I managed to retaliate with a come back which was impossible to beat, so according to Finlay, I won.

The bell rang, and we were finally released from the hell hole. I was still filled with resentment towards Maddie. I was not sure about Jas though. I wasn't sure if my plans with Jack were still happening. There was no sign of him. So I left. And, to be honest I wasn't in the best of moods, so it might be better if I went home. It would be unfair to take everything out on Jack.

My phone buzzed...

JACK: where r u? I thought we had plans...

ME: oh sorry, I didn't see u after school- so I left, raincheck?

I started to impatient, waiting for a reply. Great, Jack was probably annoyed at me too. I had already screwed things up with my friends, now Jack. My day is getting better by the minute. I might as well go and see him. I turned around, and proceeded to his house. Totally not a stalker... A horrible feeling ached at the pit of my stomach.

When I reached his door. I felt really unsure. What if he wanted to do stuff, that I wasn't prepared to do? Nor did I want to. For fuck sake, this could turn out horribly wrong. My hand hovered over the bell to Jack Reynolds house. Decision making, was not a strong point of mine, so indecisive.