Always Awake

Chapter 11

I was woken up by the smell of sweet waffles. My heart bounced as I turned my head repeatedly, not knowing where I was. I was on a long white, plush sofa. My eyes were still half screwed shut.

"Morning gorgeous" said a deep voice behind me.

I was still at Jack's house. What the hell?

"Morning" I groaned. I was not a morning person at all. Unlike some people.

A steaming plate of waffles with whipped cream, gooey nutella and freshly picked strawberries appeared in front of me. My eyes widened at the rich food. I felt bad eating it, it felt like I was eating the Mona Lisa or something.

My memory was hazy from last night, the only thing I recall is playing around with Jack. That's it.

"What happened last night?" I said through a mouthful of waffles. "We were just talking and then you literally went out like a light, it was so sudden" he said. Jack sat next to me on his sofa, it felt really Gucci. I was terrified in case I spilled on it. My face was like a centimetre away from the plate, preventing spilages.

Jack was facing me, while I was tucking into my waffles. He was watching me, I felt it. "Are you watching me eat?" I said slowly, swiping up a drop of nutella. He didn't replied, he just continued to stare at me. "O-kay, I will take that as a yes" I said, biting my lip.

He was wearing a different hoodie today. It was black, and read: Live Freely- in a bold font on the front. I still wanted to talk to Jack about his depression thing, and how he was doing but I knew he would totally clam up if I asked. I was desperately trying to think of possible conversation, but I got nothing. Jack's clear blue eyes sawed straight through me, melting my heart.

"Jack?-"

He blinked drawing his attention away from his daze to my eyes.

"-Are- you okay?" I stammered.

The fear in his eyes showed. His eyes glinted, he looked as if he was going to cry. I knew the answer before he even replied.

"Why would you ask that?" He said nervously.

I observed that he adjusted his sleeves again.

"Elouise told me some stuff ..."

He breathed in silently, he looked shocked.

"It was probably lies" he lied.

Why would Jack lie? Does he not trust me? I don't really blame him after the almost-incident with Zak. But I thought we had sorted that by now.

I didn't want to pressure Jack, if he was still hurt and pessimistic, I didn't want to plunge things even further.

"You know you can trust me right?" I tried.

"Of course I can" he sounded so certain. Jack was a professional at lying, that's for sure. There wasn't one ounce of doubt in his voice. But I knew the truth. And somehow I wish I didn't. I see him differently now. Behind the beauty, I see great panic and sadness.

I smiled sympathetically.  He was staring at me now. Most people would call him creepy but it is one of his 'romantic gestures'.

I keep taking him for granted. I keep forgetting how amazing he is. I keep forgetting that he has gotten through something so difficult.

I put on a flowery dress that I got last year when I went on vacation to Hawaii. Along with a pair of brown sandals, which could do with replacing. My hair was wavy from having it in French plaits the previous day. Jack was waiting for me at the door of his house in cotton knee-length shorts with a grey hoodie.

I couldn't take it in any longer, I needed to give Jack a hint. I stepped out in front of him. He looked me up and down grinning. "Turn around" he said. I faced the huge flight of stairs. I looked in the mirror, and gasped in awe. "It's so beautiful!" I breathed, slipping into his arms breathing in that scent like a drug. "It was my mums...she told me to give it to someone special, someone who makes me happy" he said, quieter now. Jack was so sweet. "Thank you" I whispered.

I followed Jack outside. I was seriously hot. The birds were chirping and the fountain sparkled under the suns hot rays. I needed to tell Jack.

"Jack how can you survive this heat in a hoodie? It's roasting!" I joked. He was struggling for words. "Eh...I have experience" his smile was fake.

All I wanted was him to tell me the truth. Was it really that hard? It must be.

Jack took hold of my hand and we just walked. It was sweltering hot, I don't get how he hasn't fainted yet. Although he did look a little lightheaded. Jack suddenly stumbled, but luckily I had his hand. "Jack you're too hot, you can't keep that on!" I said in alarm.
"I'm fine" he said, he sounded very exhausted. "No you're not! Take a seat" . We sat on the wall of someones garden. "Please Jack take off the hoodie!" I pleaded, tugging at his sleeve. He edged away. His body tightened. "NO!" He shouted at me.

I felt kind of hurt. I shouldn't feel offended, I might of been pushing him too hard.

"Jack what are you hiding from me!" I said in despair, struggling for clarity.

"Okay..." He rubbed his hands together. "You really wanna know?-". I nodded. Was he really about to spill his guts? "Okay then...here it goes".

Jack was extremely nervous, it showed. He turned his back from me. He was taking off his hoodie...Oh my god. He turned around, and took small steps towards me. His hands were shaking, well his whole body was. I looked up at him, admiring that perfectly crafted face.

He swallowed. Closed his eyes. And looked up towards the sky. As if he was praying or something.

"Jack?" I was worried.

He twisted his arms to face me. I had never seen anything so damaged and torn apart. And there, right beneath my eyes, lay the scars of Jack's past. A powerful past. But the scars didn't stop the beauty, it was still there. Even the scars projected that, his beautiful sole. His scars were beautiful.