Always Awake

Chapter 7

The week passed by painfully slow. I can't wait until I graduate. School has never been a top location to spend most of my life. I liked being in my house or at the beach. But my time at the beach lately has been reduced, seeing as I don't really have friends anymore. I am getting used to being alone. And to be honest, I kind of like it. That way, no one can annoy me. But then again, when I'm having a bad day. And I turn to someone for help, expecting someone to be there, I am reminded that I am alone. All alone. I have nobody, not a single sole. I have lost most of the people that once cared about me. It was a sad feeling, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. Life isn't always a piece of cake.

It had been 2 weeks since the fallout between me and the girls. It was starting to really get to me. I wasn't in a good headspace. I needed them. Jack wasn't really an understanding kinda guy, well he was...But he just isn't good with girl fallouts. But I wasn't the only one. Jack was running low on mates too, since Elouise cheated on him with Jordan. Elouise and Jordan are now an item. It really doesn't work. A relationship based on lies is not healthy.

I was still unsure about how I felt about Jack. I knew I liked him but something still didn't feel right. He still hurt me. He still lied. He still saw someone else while pretending to be interested in me.

I hadn't seen Jack in over 4 days, which may seem like nothing. But trust me, it feels like years when he's the only person willing to talk to you and actually listen. I was avoiding him, on purpose. I knew he cared. But I couldn't ignore my gut feeling, that it would never work out. Jack would always be a player, he always has been. It's who he his. He would never ever be able just to stick with me. And to be honest, I liked him for who he was, I would never change someone to suit my needs.

For the past few days, Jack has been calling and texting - nonstop. But I had to swerve them

JACK: I miss you

wanna come over?

south pier-10pm

I rolled my eyes - talent. The typical "I miss you". He just can't help himself. Jack thinks he can lie to me and then expect me to show up at the beach at 10pm?! pfft. I chucked my phone across the room. Knocking a couple of books over. "WHY CAN'T I MAKE UP MY MIND?!" I shouted. I ended up screaming into my pillow.

My original plan, was to hit the waves early. But procrastination has taken over my life-another talent. I lay there, flicking through magazines from 3 weeks ago. Reading the same 3 pages, over and over. For some unknown reason, I kept checking my phone. Like I was expecting a text. But I got nothing. Since the beach one. Every hour or so, Mum would come in asking if I wanted a sandwich or a drink of water. I just shook my head. I was really downcast.

When it turned 4pm, I got changed into my bikini and pulled on a pair of faded denim shorts, with some floral flip flops. "I'm going out!" I called. I took a few dollars from the jar. "Have fun honey!".

The beach was surprisingly empty, only a few people lurked nearby. I stuck my board in the sand and sat down. The sea could last forever, I wish happiness was like that I thought. I picked up my board, and jogged into the icy waves. The cool temperatures shocked my limbs. I didn't generally surf this late in the afternoon, hence why it was cold. To other people the ocean was a dangerous place, filled with dark secrets and undiscovered mysteries. To me, it was a place to relax, a place to escape the harsh realities of life.

The sea was special to me. I had always grown up with it. My dad taught me how to surf when I was 3 years old, throughout my whole childhood I surfed, I won competitions. I was the local champion. But when dad passed I didn't even touch a board until recently. I felt like I owed it to dad. Whenever I surf, I feel like I am making dad proud. I love it. When I need time to think, the sea is where I escape to. It is always there, it is permanent. It would never leave me and it couldn't replace me. It was always reliable.

I waded out the water, feeling really drained, a significant feeling lately. I flopped down onto the sand, to take a breath or two. The water was calm, and the waves lapped in their steady, soothing rhythm. The waves were laced with white seafoam.

I sat up, and breathed in the salty air as if it was some kind of elixir. "Ellie?" Someone said quietly. "Jas!" I breathed, gesturing for a hug- she didn't accept. "Hey".

"We need to sort things out" I said, smiling hopefully.

"Em...yeah, about that"

I scrunched up my nose. "What's happened" I said.

"Maddie doesn't think we should ever be friends again..." She said biting her lip.

"What!" I cried in disbelief. "I know, but it might be for the best, she thinks you have hurt us too much". What a bitch I thought. She just what's to have Jas all to herself. "She isn't the boss of you" I said crossly. "She might be right though".

"No Jasmine, please. I have been so lost without you. I need you. We have always been friends! What happened to friends forever?" I pleaded. "Nothing lasts forever".

I didn't have the energy to cry. I sat there, frozen. Everything was wrong. I was mess, along with my life. I felt shakey again. I took my hand to the sand. Save me from myself- I wrote. The next wave washed it away, it felt like a sign that the universe didn't care anymore. I felt so helpless. The sun was setting to perfectly. The sun poured its brilliant hot oranges and reds into the clouds like a pot of molten lava. Crimson and amber beams fought the blackness, pushing it away with long arms.

In the distance I saw a silhouette, on the south pier. I wondered if Jack really did come. Next thing I knew, I was headed for the south pier in a hurry. I ran. Shouting "Jack!" From the top of my voice. Only to realise he wasn't even there. I walked home dragging my heels. Salty tears rolled down my rosey cheeks. No matter how much I wanted to hit him right then, I just wanted to be in his arms. My feelings for him were very mixed, he has completely fucked up my mind. And he doesn't even know it.

The streets were ghostly quiet. It was like someone had come along and snatched everyone away, apart from me. I was trapped to suffer alone. In an empty world. With nothing but silence. Sometimes quiet is violent.

The silence was broken by the faint click of expensive heels behind me. Sharp, rich nails stabbed into my shoulder like a knife.

"Do you seriously think you can go around sleeping with my boyfriend?!" She snapped.

Elouise was stood there glaring at me ferociously, nostrils flaring. For a moment I thought she was going to pull a knife from her bag. Her anger tore through me like a tsunami. Leaving a tight pain in my chest.

I was a really bad person. I had been seeing someone else's boyfriend. Before that, Elouise had never done anything horrible to me. I shocked myself, I was one of those. One of those girls that I hated. The ones who steal other peoples boyfriends. The ones who I completely despised. I made a promise to myself when I was 11, that I would never be one of them. But I was.

My answer came out in a completely different attitude than I imagined.

"Elouise. Get a grip. You're with Jordan now. It doesn't matter anymore...oh and by the way, I did not sleep with Jack"

Her mouth dropped open as if she had just saw her favourite celebrity in public. She squinted her eyes.

"That doesn't change anything, you were still with him when we were technically dating" she sneered.

"You were seeing Jordan" I laughed.

I felt like someone else was controlling what I was saying. Like I was some kind of robot. I would never say anything like that in a million years.

"Jack really must be depressed. And desperate. If he is seeing you, you're just a self-absorbed bitch who thinks your cool just because you are with him, you probably loved the attention from that rumour"

"Jack's depressed?!" I cried.