Always Awake

Chapter 8

"He didn't tell you!" Elouise gasped in disbelief. "No..." I looked at the floor. "I'm not surprised, Jack's a closed book, he doesn't like to tell people his feelings, most boys are like that I guess" she sighed.

By this point, me and Elouise were sat on a park bench. It was weird. I never thought I would see the day when I was actually talking to Elouise, and having a proper conversation.

"Why would he tell you? No offence" I asked nervously.

Elouise couldn't help a laugh.

"He didn't -". She shrugged. "- I found out, when I saw the scars of his past , after that he told me everything".

Now my mouth dropped open. "Don't be too surprised. It doesn't take much to fake a few smiles and hit on a few girls" . I laughed at the last part. "Can I ask you something?" I said.

She nodded. "Why? Why would Jack do that, what happened?"

"Jack grew up in a tough environment, his parents split when he was 9. Before that, his dad abused him, his mum and siblings. But Angela, Jack's mum- was to scared to say anything. He was also ignored and never a favourite, despite he had a heart the size of the Sydney harbour. Jack had it the worst, his dad literally hated him. It came to the point where he was almost killed, but his dad was jailed soon after that.

Between him getting abused and his Dad going to jail, Jack was really depressed. He felt like he had no way out and things were never going to get better. He felt completely alone even though he was living in a house full of people. He thought the pain was forever. He believed it. So he hurt himself. Those scars will be with Jack forever, so will the memories, the pain is still there. It's just waiting for the right moment to pounce, to snatch away all the happiness he ever had. And leave him with that same feeling.

But since then, Jack has changed. He has grown up and become so sweet and caring, and he still gets the chicks. Jack doesn't want to remember though sleepless nights, numbing that aching pain. Those everlasting dark, bleak days, filled with tears, pain and anxiety. The point is...Jack doesn't want to remember".

The whole story shook me up, bubbly tears brimmed in my eyes. I just wanted to go home and cry. Here I am, getting annoyed him for starting rumours when he has been through all of that. I didn't respond. I just sat there, watching the leaves rustle in the spooking breeze. It was like nature just heard what Elouise just said.

And you know what scares me the most? At how good he was at hiding it. I didn't suspect a single thing. People are getting too good at acting these days, without even liking drama. He made up some image of himself, that he didn't care and all he liked was girls. It was a perfect character.

Even though he was different now, there was still parts of him still broken and lifeless. I couldn't rewind what I had just heard, it was stuck like a piece of chewing gum. I will never be able to look at Jack again without noticing the fear in those electric blue eyes. Only now things made sense.

I couldn't help notice, that whenever I got close to him he would adjust his sleeves to cover his hands. Whenever I had touched his wrists he flinched. Whenever my hand got near to his face, he tensed a little. Whenever I mentioned my family, fear swept across his face. Whenever I saw him he was either wearing a hoodie, or at school a long sleeved shirt.

Everything added up now. The mysteries behind the dark, nameless history of his past. I knew him better now but it made me think, did I ever really know him?

"Ellie? Are you okay? You're shaking like mad" Elouise said shuffling closer. "Uh yeah, just cold. I better get home" I said dazed. I shuffled away. The air was cold, it hit me hard leaving me with goosebumps.

I felt really disorientated, I wasn't sure if I was going the right way home. All I could think about was Jack. God knows what he could be doing. When I am not there.

I somehow made it home. The house was pitch black. I switched on a lamp, it must of been late. Everyone was in bed. A cold slice of apricot pie was left on a plate for me, with Jersey cream- that must of went sloppy for sitting out for so long. I put my hand in the drawer to get a fork, Elouise was right, I was shaking like some lost baby animal. When I looked in the drawer, certain things stood out. Knives, scissors, potato peelers...all things sharp. They all caught my attention and seemed to be staring right at me. I stiffled a scream, no sound came out thankfully. I picked up the fork and took my pie outside.

I sat on the balcony alone. The watery moon reflected off the ocean before me. Emerald lawns glistened under the shimmering moon. Silver sequins spilled across the indigo cloak above me.

The pie was cold, the apricots were mushy, and the cream tasted off. Nothing was right. I felt so lost, there was no feeling in me. Elouise's story messed me up yet again. All I could think about was the pain Jack went through. I felt nothing but disconsolate.

I wish I knew him back then. I wish I was there for him back then. I wish I could of helped him. I wish I could of told him things were going to get better. I wish he was okay.