Always Awake

Chapter 17

SORRY EVERYONE I WAS ON HOLIDAY FOR 2 WEEKS SO I COULDN'T UPDATE! BUT I HOPE TO FINISH THIS BOOK SOON...

since i feel like its getting boring lmao :)
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How could I possibly choose? Jack needed me, I couldn't let him drift back into his dark place. He didn't belong there anymore, he didn't deserve it.

The decision is basically impossible...

"Earth to Ellie! What's your decision?" Maddie asked. I blinked out of my daydream, still undecided. "Is it okay if I think about it?" I stuttered, clearing my throat. Maddie looked at me with a puzzled look, her eyebrows scrunched up. "Uh...sure" Maddie said like it would be a no-brainer for me. Which it really wasn't.

They both sauntered off to the long tables stacked with food. I rubbed my neck, standing up, dusting the dirt off my dress. Across the road Jack was looking at the scene. Was he there the whole time?

Jack was in a new-looking black suit, his hands were in his pockets. He stood there dazed. His dark hair was ruffled, he looked paler than normal. He noticed me staring and chuckled.

I hopped over the wall, approaching him. "Hey" I said. "Hi" Jack replied blankly. Something had changed since he went back to habits of his past. "Were you here the whole time?" I asked, biting my lip nervously. He nodded. Still watching everyone across the road. I placed my hand on his wrist, hoping he would give me more response. "How come you didn't show?"

His lips parted, as he thought of a reply, still not looking directly at me.

"I can't face them all. Everyone looking at me like that. I am partly responsible for his death-" He looked at me now. "How am I meant to come back from something that?" . The worry in his voice hit me, a lump in my throat grew, tears bled out of my eyes.

Crybaby.

I wiped my tears. "You just have to" I said. He frowned. "Because if you hide away, the fear and anxiety will win, it will have control over you. Pushing you down until there is nothing left. Apart from gnawing pain and guilt, and it will eat away at you until your all gone" I said, the odd tear trickling down my cheek.

He looked away from me again.

"What if that's what I want?" He asked

Did he really just say that? He wants to die? I need to help him... Jack is getting sucked back in again. If he lets it happen, he will be back at square one.

"No you don't" I said. Surprisingly I didn't falter in my words. I sounded so sure, but deep down...I really didn't know.

"How are you so sure?"

"Because Jack, you have been there once. You overcame it. I know you can do it again. You just have to let people in, I can help"

I took his hand, intertwined our fingers. He twitched a little. He looked like me like he was about to object but then pushed it off, and gripped my hand tightly.

How can I leave Jack? He needs me. Otherwise, well I don't want to think about the otherwise.

"We can do this Jack" I said, relaxing a bit. Letting my shoulders fall.

He loosened his grip.

"Huh?"

"Me and you. We can sort this together. You are going to get better Jack, it takes time" I squeezed his hand.

"Right" he finished. "Together".

I finally sensed some hope. Jack is going to recover.