Always Awake

Chapter 5

I stood at Jack's door for about 5 minutes before I made a decision. To leave. I felt bad because I really liked Jack. But it wasn't worth the risk. I began to walk back down his drive, heels trailing, head down. "Leaving without saying goodbye?! Or hello, I guess!" boomed a familiar voice. Jack. I spun round to see him leaning against the door frame, munching on an apple. He stepped back, signalling me to come over. I walked slowly, crunching on the gravel. I guessed he was about to get changed. Jack's tie was off, dangling out his back pocket, and the first few of his buttons were done. I stepped inside the deadly trap... His house.

We were sat awkwardly next to each other on the sofa. I observed that no one else was home, bad sign. I wasn't sure what to say. "So..." He said slowly. A sick feeling lurked inside me. "So..." I replied. The awkwardness was unbelievable. "Wanna watch some T.V?" He suggested desperately. I nodded. I wasn't sure whether I should lean back on the sofa, or that would be making myself a little too "make yourself at home". He switched on Prison Break. I wondered how he knew I liked it. "How did you guess?" I laughed- leaning back. "Huh?" He said facing towards me. His arctic eyes stared at me intently. "It's my favourite T.V show".
"No way!"
"What?"
"I have never known a girl to like PRISON BREAK!" he said laughing- edging closer to me. "Learn something new everyday" I laughed. It didn't feel awkward anymore. We were very close though.
"So, how long have you-"
"Shh" I said placing a finger over his soft lips. "I'm trying to concentrate".
"Sorry boss" he shuffled EVEN closer.

I realised I had fell into a deep, relaxed sleep. When I woke, it was dark, and I was unsure of where I was. Then I remembered, I was at Jack's house. Everything flooded back to me. Me and him got really comfortable, and I ended up lying with my head on his chest. As I lay there, I could feel his soft heartbeat - rising and falling. His arm was rested over my collar bone. I felt protected and safe. I smelt a faint smell of aftershave, it wasn't too overpowering like most boys - it was attractive and irresistible.

I wasn't worried about anything. I was just living in the moment. Everything felt right, I knew I belonged there. I accidentally moved a bit, waking him. He moaned sleepily. "Are you okay?" He said in a low, morning voice- even though it wasn't morning. I turned my head, looking up to him. I nodded. His sleepy eyes gazed at me through the dimmed light. "What?" I giggled. "You're so beautiful you know... I feel like I could just stare at you till the end of time, your eyes are so captivating... I feel like I could get lost in them" he murmured. I was lost for words. No one had ever said anything like it. I had always been really self-conscious about my appearance. He made me blush. I buried my face into his chest, breathing in the smell that came off his baggy Nike hoodie. His hand was now on my head, playing with my hair.

"Do you ever feel like cutting it all off?" He said, out of the blue. "Huh?" I said sitting up. "Like...doesn't it ever annoy you, having ALL that hair to manage". "Never really thought about it, its always been long" I said, throwing my hair up into a messy bun.
It was getting close to 9pm, and I hadn't even started my mountain of homework.

"I better go, I have lots of homework" I said gathering up my things, "is that just a general excuse?". "No I seriously have loads" I said seriously. He widened his eyes in a sarcastic kind of way. "Sorry" I said rubbing his arm. "It's ok, I understand". We looked at each other. God, how is it even possible to create a human so perfect? I smiled. Jack pulled me into a warm hug. I didn't really know why we were hugging. My arms were wrapped tightly around his waist. I really didn't wanna leave him. I felt like home in his arms. Like time stopped, when we were together. All my worries were flushed away. I pulled out as I began to feel suffocated. My arms still round his waist, he took my head in his hands and planted a kiss on my forehead. "Goodnight" he whispered into my ear. "Night".

I walked out the door, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. That was until a chilling breeze hit me, so hard that goose bumps rose immediately. As I was walking home, troubling thoughts rushed through me. I remembered something, very bad. Jack was still dating Elouise. And I literally just spent the whole night with someone else's boyfriend, the thought made me shudder. No way, could Elouise find out about me and Jack. Even though, there is nothing really going on. It was obviously just a one off, wasn't it?

As I began to think of it, I wasn't sure if I actually enjoyed tonight. It felt unmistakably right at the time, but now I feel so guilty. And I know that something bad is going to happen. "Where were you!?" Mum cried, flinging herself into my arms. "Oh sorry mum, I was doing some revision with...uh Maddie and Jas". "Right" she said. I followed her through the house. "Tea?" She said pouring herself a steaming cup. "No thanks, I better get off to bed" I lied. As I thought about all the homework I had to get through.

I really wasn't in the mood for homework. To be honest, I felt like crying. I sat there, hunched up in a ball on my bed. "What have I done" I whispered shakily. All I thought about Elouise. Then, I remembered what had happened between me Jasmine, and Maddie. That really worked me up. My palms covered my eyes as I cried, cried and cried. I wish I had never got involved with him-then none of this would of happened I thought. If I never even liked him, I would still have my friends. I slipped under the sheets, fully clothed and eventually fell asleep.

I woke up to a vast blue sky, dotted with seagulls squawking noisily. I sighed and rolled out of bed. I had totally forgotten what had happened last night. That was until I was blessed my undereye mascara/tear stains that greeted me. I jumped in the shower, washing away any negativity that lurked. My mood darkened as I slid down the shower wall. I don't know how long I sat there staring at the plain white tiles ahead of me. It must of been a while though because the shower went cold. I lasted it until I was convinced that I had a hint of hypothermia. I crawled out.

Then I realised that I wasn't doing anyone any good by lying around, feeling sorry for myself. So I pulled on a tight pair of ripped, black, skinny jeans and some interesting type of khaki green crop top.

The streets were bare, it looked like a ghost town. I wasn't sure where I was headed. I was getting close to Jack's house. I didn't even think about going to see him. I walked past in shame. Trying to keep my head down. I couldn't help it, his door was shut. I remembered him standing there - grinning, while chewing on an apple. I frowned and carried on walking.

I have never want to turn back the time so badly in my life, to make things right. With everyone. I sighed. I heard a familiar girly laugh behind me. I was scared to look back. I turned around. And by Jack's house. I saw Jack and Elouise. Jack had his arm around her, hands locked together tightly. Elouise laughed, and kissed him on the cheek.

I felt physically sick. But I couldn't move. I was stuck to the spot. Staring at them. Definitely not being suttle. Elouise went into his house and Jack followed. He then saw me. He didn't speak, he just stared then shut the door.

"Ugh, what a jerk!" I growled angrily. A wave of resentment passed over me. How could I be so stupid? It will always be Elouise. He will always choose her over me. She's like the walking definition of perfect. I huffed, and stomped home.

When I got home, mum was crying again. I would of happily joined her. But, I had to be adult about it and deal with the situation. I couldn't be bothered to cook anything fancy, so I made cheese and chutney sandwiches and settled with that. Mum wasn't to be seen, she was in her room sulking. Harry wasn't enjoying the sandwiches. He spat it out. I really wanted to hit him... Ever get that feeling with a sibling? He then ripped the bread off and nibbled that, while dribbling.

"FOR GODS SAKE, JUST EAT THE BLOODY SANDWICH! NO ONE EVER APPRECIATES WHAT I DO!" I screamed in his face, throwing some bread at his face. He flinched.

"Ughhhhh!" I grunted leaving the table, deliberately stepping on his foot. His annoying little cry began to wail. I stormed into my room slamming the door as loud as I could. I heard a mix of laughter and crying. Cameron was home. He must of seen my Oscar-Winning Performance. Great.

I was so angry. At everything. I wanted to kill someone. I slammed my fists on the desk. Knocking over my pencil pot. "OH.MY.FUCKING.HELL" I said, bursting into tears for no reason. I sat there huffing, puffing, sobbing. Then I realised of how much a baby I was. I went on my laptop to watch YouTube - of videos of annoying little kids getting pranked. It made me feel a bit better.

My door flew open. It was Cameron. "Why the hell did you sleep with Jack?".