Always Awake

Chapter 14

For days on end, I did nothing. I didn't speak, I didn't leave the house, I hardly even ate. I felt so empty, all I wanted to hear was silent. I had never been so down in my life. I appreciated that everyone cared about me and wanted to help, but they couldn't help take back a life it was impossible.

Jack called and texted, but I didn't reply. I wasn't understanding why I was doing this to everyone. Why do I keep shutting everyone out who cares about me? Especially Jack, he seriously cares, so I have no reason to do what I'm doing...I mean he had nothing to do with Zak's death, nor did anyone. Is something wrong with me?

I was sat in bed, sipping tea. All I seemed to do was drink tea, cup after cup. Mum burst into my room.

"Ellie! I have had enough of this! You can't just mope about for the rest of your life, get dressed, your going to school!" Mum bellowed. I hesitated. "Now Ellie!" She yelled. "Ok ok, I'm coming" I mumbled. I stepped out of bed staring at the floor. "Oh and enough with the self pity!" She huffed, slamming my door in rage.

A small crystal tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't even know why I was crying. It just felt right. I wiped my eyes and began to get dressed. I had no idea what to wear, everything looked too happy for my current mood. I glanced out the window, boy it looked hot. I would not be able to last the day in jeans. I grabbed a pair of black high waisted shorts, a white top with a flannel. It wasn't my usual wardrobe, but I wasn't myself right now...So why should I dress like it?

Nobody spoke at breakfast. I had no choice but to listen to everyone's unbearably annoying crunching sounds. I tried to contain my anger. I literally couldn't. I marched over to the radio and turned it up full blast.

Mum was in an angry part of her crisis, not fun. Mum started work again, now she was in a flap about being late. She scooped Harry into her arms, flung the newspaper at me that she had been reading. It was just me and Cameron.

I stared at the paper, a picture of Zak was on the front. My heart shattered into a million pieces, as I looked at that smile. God that smile was so heartwarming, it made me feel like home. Zak was outside his shack, with his arm around a few girls, they all looked so happy. Staring up at his perfectly crafted face. His wild beach hair, was in the perfect place. I missed him. Although I never had feelings for him, we had a connection. Our friendship could have lasted a life time.

The paper explained how he died. It didn't seem real, Zak wasn't dumb. Why would he stay outside in a storm like that? Everyone who lives there, you are practically guaranteed death if you stay out in a storm that fierce. Unless he wanted to die?

The paper also said, he was struck by lightning, that's what caused his death. There was something missing though. Part of the story wasn't down on paper, no one ever owned up.

I don't know why I wasn't crying when I saw his face on the front cover, before then I cried at the memory of him. Now nothing. I felt the pain but nothing showed.

Cameron was looking at me. "Coming?" He asked. I nodded, shrugging. I hadn't hugged him since I was 11. I missed it, me and him used to be the best of friends. He didn't care anymore. I stood up to follow him out the door.

Now I was crying. Palms in eyes, balling my eyes out. Over everything. The painful thoughts were screaming out at me. Making me hurt. Your dad is dead! Zak is dead! Cameron doesn't care about you! Dead! Alone! Dead! You are nothing they screamed.

I was on my knees now, crying out for a little bit of help. "Ellie?" Cameron whispered. "No don't! Don't pretend like you care!" I screamed through the tears. Cameron changed in an instant, he was gentle. The brother I needed. "Are you serious? Of course I care, your my baby sister Ellie" . He was in front of me now. I looked up at him, I was going to make him cry. I was shaking. "Really?" I smiled. "Really" he confirmed. I slowly stood up. He immediately pulled me into his arms. I needed this feeling, it has been years. Cameron did care, deep down.

I cried into his top, leaving a large mess of tears. He held me
close, I couldn't help but think of Jack.

"Are you up for school?" Cameron asked.

"Not really, but I need to go and see someone..."

"Okay well I'm not going"

I turned for the door. "Oh and Cam... Sorry about your top" I laughed.

"Don't worry about it" he smiled.

I didn't want to go to school, but I was desperate to see Jack. I needed to apologise.

At school, everyone looked at me. They knew I was friends with Zak. My heart ached, I wanted to forget. I now knew how Jack felt. It was horrible remembering the good times. I wanted to move on, but it was all anyone ever spoke about.

Jack was at his locker, he didn't look happy. He didn't look like his usual self, he looked like the guy I imagined in my head when Elouise told me about his past. He looked like a ghost, some kind of empty body. Like his sole was lost, but his body was there, living for him.

I approached him. He turned around, like he knew I was coming. At first glance, his face had no expression but when he saw me, his face lit up. Jack opened his arms, flew into them, it felt like home again. This was probably the cheesiest thing anyone had ever watched.

We looked at each other, it was good to finally see him again. "Jack I'm so sorry, the way I acted was horrible, it was unfair to you and- ". Jack stopped me. "I'm so sorry Ellie" he whispered tearfully. A bandage was round his wrist. I knew why. "No Jack! No! What happened!" I cried, settling my head on his chest. "It was all my fault" Jack said.