What Fresh Hell Is This? 𓅓 (Joshler One-Shots)

[16] in the closet

Lover - Devandra Banhart

Summary

"He's a complete mess, just look at him. Give me one good reason why I should go over and talk to Josh."

"Well, he's probably got a big dick."

***

School dances make me nauseas. I hate the meals, the teachers usually speak too long and try to act cool to engage with the crowd, the venue is usually stuffy and humid with the smell of cheap cologne and teenage desperation, and the dancing. Don't get me started on the dancing. All forms of dance scare me. Slow dances, fast dances, freestyling, choreographed high school musical random breakout dances. I don't dance because I can't dance. I once got asked if I "needed assistance" because I appeared to be "spasming like a tazed criminal."

And that's why I hate school dances. But I hate the after party even more. My best friend Pete insisted that I tag along because I'd be the only one sober at the end of the night and I could drive him home, and if it weren't for the hundred dollars he bribed me with I'd currently be at home in my pyjamas scooping yoghurt into my batman oriented sippy cup.

But I was here, standing amidst the smell of maritjuana and prepubescent sex. Pretentious edm filled the house as Pete dragged me from person to person, sampling anything he could get his hands on while he had the munchies. He'd already taken a drink from some chick's milkshake, and by some I mean all, another three special brownies which weren't really helping his cause, and the bubblegum out of someone's mouth after a long and awkward kiss that I had to stand beside because he wouldn't let me go. That very bubblegum had already been passed onto someone else while I again, stood sidelined.

"Lighten up," he said, brushing his raven locks back with the widest grin. "Go mingle. Socialise. Get a good fuck before we leave, or at least some dry humping."

"I'm not into dry humping." I retorted, and he held my hand tighter to pull me through the crowd of people standing around. "Come on, you're killing my mood here Tyler. Can we at least pick one person here that you can tell me is worth shagging?"

I looked around the room at all the people that might have been available. Too much make up. Too creepy looking. Too good looking for me. And that asshole who always tries to show me up in gym class. "Nope, they're all garbage." I stated dryly.

"Fine," he said, eyes narrowing, and I wasn't sure if it was to search for a person of if the weed was finally taking it's toll on him. "I'll pick someone."

"That one," he pointed forward, but there were too many people to know who he really meant. "Red shirt, big tits." He turned to me with a silly grin and I almost scoffed at him.

"Not my type." He had a hearty laugh at my response. "I know you'd rather be the one bent over. Okay, how about him, over there. Pretty nice bulge."

"You know, I forgot how much fun you are to be around." He glared at my sarcastic response before he turned and his face lit up.

"Him, over there, how about Josh." I knew Josh Dun well enough to know that my chances were close to nil. Drummer and certified fuckboy. Hot enough to get anyone's pants off, and I wasn't going to be another statistic for his diary.

"No thanks, he looks sloshed out of his mind. Probably doesn't even know he's here." Pete's faces dropped, and if it wasn't so adorable I'd have walked away to find a milkshake of my own. "He's just a little stoned."

"A little? That's not a little stoned." I watched as Josh laid on the carpet, arms and legs spread out and making an angel. "He's a complete mess, just look at him. Give me one good reason why I should go over and talk to Josh."

"Well, he's probably got a big dick." Pete pursed his lips, nodding his head at his excellent reasoning. I shook my head and turned around to leave but Pete wouldn't let go of my hand. Instead, he ran ahead of me and dragged me into the hallway. "Slow down, asshole. I'm bumping into people back here."

Ignoring my comment, he stopped in front of the pantry and, before I had time to understand what he was doing, pushed me in and shut the door.

The room was small and dark, and had I been claustrophobic I'd have somehow found the strength to kick the door down. Though, I was just disgruntled and annoyed with Pete's antics, so I banged on the door on the hopes that he could hear me.

"Let me out Pete." I called out. "Open the door. I promise when I strangle you I'll try not to put you in a coma as well."

I stood still in the darkness for a moment, staring at what I hoped was the door, praying that Pete would let me out. The door eventually opened, but before I could get out Josh was shoved in and it was locked again behind him.

"Not letting you out till I hear moaning of some sort."

"Oh thank god." I had heard Josh add. "The dinosaur outside, its not there, but it was there two minutes ago." I'm fairly certain, despite the darkness, that his face was dumbfounded in his drug fueled hallucinations.

"Don't worry, Josh, the dinosaur can't get in." Pete added from outside the door. I heard Josh let out a deep breath, relieved to be out of imaginary danger.

"Is it Tyler?" He asked, soft and sweetly. A voice like silk. I'd have been putty in his hands were he not baked beyond belief. "Yeah, it's Tyler."

"Can you hold my hand?"

"I'd rather not."

"I don't really like the dark."

I rolled my eyes, knowing Pete was eating this up outside the door. "Fine, I'll hold your hand."

"Uhm, Tyler?"

"Yeah?"

"That's not my hand."

"Okay, I'm done!" I drew my hands back up and began banging on the door for Pete to open, which he did with a look of disappointment. I could live with it. Josh remained in the Pantry, staying in the shadows.

"Close the fucking door before they get in!" He screamed, grabbing the doorknob and shutting it behind us. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger.

Pete shrugged his shoulders at me. "I'm gonna see if any guys are available. Please keep him company."

And with that he trailed off into the crowd, leaving me standing outside of the door to guard Josh from any dinosaurs that might come wandering by, much to his relief.

***