What Fresh Hell Is This? 𓅓 (Joshler One-Shots)

[2] holding onto you (pt.2)

Obstacles - Syd Matters

Summary

With Tyler back in town, some old feelings resurface for Josh.

•••••

Josh sat in his back yard ripping grass from the lawn and placing it into a pile that was close to collapsing near the heel of his sneakers. His chest burned with every question that simultaneously ran through his head about Tyler's return.

How could he just leave and not tell me a single thing?

He's his own person. He doesn't owe me an explanation.

But I'm his best friend. We did everything together. Wasn't I worth explaining things to?

But we were never an item. I didn't meant everything to him.

That doesn't mean I didn't give him everything. I gave him my life and he just crumpled it up like a dirty tissue and tossed it back at my feet.

Josh let out a tired groan, falling back on the dirt and staring up at the hate filled sky. So blue and bright, cheerful and content, laughing in his face. Everything around him was so absurdly beautiful that he wanted to tug at his hair until it ripped from the roots. His home, so perfectly pristine in its suburban, idyllic neighborhood filled with people so beautiful they seemed to be manufactured for photoshoots. His life as a doctor working in an up scale hospital with a salary that afforded him a life of luxury, and he'd give up every bit of it to go back in time. He didn't want this life of perfect mediocrity.

He missed depression and anxiety because that meant that Tyler would be there to console him. He missed the days he would cry, but his tears were met by Tyler's chest. He'd give up everything to feel special to the one person that mattered most to him. To Tyler.

"You and me, Josh," Josh said, mimicking Tyler as he raised a hand to stare at the wristband he had made when they were still boys. "Forever, I promise." He ripped it from his wrist, holding it in his palm and feeling an emptiness in his heart. "I fucking promise!" He tossed the wristband to the ground as the anger in his heart burned throughout his body and he ran inside to get away from the burden he'd carried all those years. A friendship as dead as the feelings he thought Tyler carried for him.

He grabbed his keys and rushed to his car, sitting in the drivers seat with his palms clasped tight around the steering wheel as he thought things over in his head. He didn't know where he was driving to, but he knew he had to get out. Sitting and being content with mediocrity wasn't what he wanted. He wanted pain. He wanted to remember what it was like when Tyler was there to patch him up.