So I've been nineteen for all of 31 minutes now and I thought that I would share the new wisdom that comes with old age.
You know you're growing up
when your birthday makes you feel nothing. Just a little sadness and a little like crying.
This is for all the girls that want to grow up.
I know that I'm going to
sound like one of those Disney villains
when I say they world is a dark and cruel place.
But unfortunately, that might be one of the few truths fairytales like to displace.
The world is a dark and cruel place.
It's going to scare you.
It's going to drive all the vigor that you have in your young life,
When you find out about sex and money and greed and death and murder and taxes and heartbreak and injustice,
And the fact that you as a girl have to be so careful where you go.
Small things like the time of day
or people you think you know
matter more when you get older.
The freedom that you have as a child
that you think is a cage,
That disappears at a certain age
and your are left gaping at the world
you were sheltered from,
And suddenly that cage looks
like the safest place to be.
But you don't get to go back.
So to all the girls that want to grow up,
Put your brakes on and take it from
someone who is growing up.
Believe me, I beg you to believe me when I say that it is not all that it seems.
I'm now 38 minutes into nineteen years, a decade and more than a half now. I round to twenty.
I don't say that with a smile.
I say that with the knowledge
that I am getting older.
I know if a person that's lived half a century heard me say that they
would laugh their face off.
I don't think they understand.
How could they?
When they were growing up it was a different world that ours is, isn't it?
Even you know that, little one.
You've heard them complain and murmur about how so much has changed
and not for them better.
If what they say is true
then it shouldn't be a stretch to image
that I am scared to live in it.
To grow up in it.
To bring children into it.
Children like you.
Sometimes the knowledge is crushing.
When I think about what the world will be like for my children,
I am terrified for them.
I am terrified for you, little one,
because both you and I can not possibly imagine what it will be like.
You are so full of smiles,
I watch them everyday and my heart breaks
to know that the world will try to take it away from you someday.
I pray that it does not succeed.
I know that this seems really depressing but I'm sorry, life is a lot like that.
You'll find out one day and see
that I'm not trying to rain on you,
I'm being honest. I'm being brutally honest. Fairytales are not going to do that for you, fairytales don't love you.
People who love you tell the truth.
So what hope do I offer to the girls that want to grow up?
Put it off for as long as possible,
Be enchanted by life, but don't be unaware.
And for those of us who are growing up?
I'm afraid I don't have an answer staring me in the face...
But with God's help I know that maybe one day it will all make sense.
Until then... Happy Birthday. I guess.
SK
