Life is so fast
It is easy to forget
We grow up in a flash
We don't remember our past.
I intend to remember what this feels like.
I intend to remember that growing up takes a long time.
And when my child is silent and struggling like I am now
I intend to remember and not say
"I don't understand why they are like this."
And if I do forget, I have this.
These words are my memories,
these poems my history
I'm carving for my future me's.
I will not expect them to be fully grown at eighteen,
or have it all together by twenty-three.
I know people who are close to me
who have lived their whole life with a dream that hasn't come true yet.
I have to accept that mine may not too.
It keeps me up at night sometimes,
the fact that all that I hope for will not be a reality.
I may have a family
and that is it.
Some may call it defeatist.
I don't think it is.
It's just life.
Sometimes the way you want the stars to align,
Never happens in your life time.
I think that it is growing up to accept that.
It doesn't mean that I won't work for my dreams.
I will.
All I'm saying is,
that when my children feel like this,
like everything has gone amiss
Like life ceases to make any sense,
Like their life has no purpose yet,
I will remember.
I will not do them the injustice
of forgetting my youth
just to look them in the eye
and make some cliche reply about how
"every one has been through this,
get over it you'll be fine".
No.
I'll remember because
I owe it to them to remember.
I owe it to them to share my experiences,
Not just the successful ones so they can say their mom is awesome
But the gritty, dirty ones,
so that they can know their mother is a human. Was and is still.
She makes mistakes.
Big ones, little ones, messy problems and mishaps,
Mistakes in all sizes and colors and shapes.
They will know that I am like them.
A little wiser for my age but still figuring it out.
If I forget this chunk of time or this verse or this rhyme,
Remind me please,
Don't ever let it be said of me that I forgot.
I will not be like the grown ups I see
around me,
totally confused at teenage dreams,
and bright young schemes
that dare to see their life as what it could be.
SK
