She told me I was beautiful today and finished her sentence with "stay that way".
And I smiled as was expected of me,
My heart twisting up in my cage of need.
Stay that way,
Let beauty remain.
Do not let it go astray,
Grow it for tomorrow's day,
Keep it safe and keep it near,
Because beauty will relieve your fears.
I wish I was ugly.
I wish that what was inside of me
could be reflected out for all to see.
That my face could display
all the scars on my heart
and the ink in my blood,
Because scars tell the truth
the way I never could.
Then maybe they wouldn't claim
to know that I'm beautiful inside and out.
There would definitely be no doubt.
I wish I had the courage to bare the ugliness inside instead of covering up
the grief with smiles.
I'm sorry if this poem takes a while,
but I have to get this out or I'll die.
I am selfish and vain,
not willing to risk my reputation
and sully my name,
most days I feel like the opposite of perfect
and wonder what others see in me that makes them think I'm worth it.
Cause all I see is defeat and weakness,
and no purpose in my feet.
I can fake confidence on the good days,
and I can walk tall even on bad days,
after all perfection is the ultimate deception, and it is the one thing I'm good at.
When I look in the mirror
I don't see the beauty they tell me I posses,
I see secrets that have yet to be confessed.
the demons that like
to perch on my shoulders and skin,
and a life time worth of crushing regret.
My demons like my left shoulder most times,
but lately I can feels their talons
tightening over my right side.
Perhaps it is because when I play piano,
my right hand holds the melody,
and when I write,
my right hand is the one that bleeds,
for every action I either command or cower, but my right hand always holds the power.
My demons are like moths
drawn to the flames of weakness,
seeking strength to corrupt to meekness.
Beauty is deceptive,
and my demons have used it to cover up my decrepit innards.
Made a mockery out of me,
because people see what they want to see.
And they love seeing a "beautiful" face.
No matter how much it has
to cover its disgrace.
SK
