No Homo

Chapter 13

Dave's POV 

When I got home, I went straight to my room and sat down on my bed. It was thinking time. In the past few hours, the urge to kiss John, or even at least just hold his hand, has been the strongest it's ever been. He's just too freaking adorable. His messy hair, his buck teeth, his blue eyes, his small frame; he's just so impossibly cute. Last night all I wanted was to be able to cuddle him while he watched his cool nerd show. While we were walking around this morning I wanted to hold his hand so bad, and every time he would look up at me I wanted to hug him and kiss him.

I thought this was going to be a good friendship, one of the ones that lasts for years and years. But no, I just had to go and let my gay brain think about gay stuff. Now I can't have a proper friendship because every single time I see that little derp I want to hug him and kiss him and hold his hand. Of course the first friendship I make here, I just have to fuck up. And because I'm such a freak, no one has wanted to be friends with me. Rose and Jade just talk to me because they're John's friends. Besides I shot Jade down, so, there's that. Why do I have to be so stupid ? And I mean, it's not like he'd ever like me back, either. The dude's completely straight. So yeah, of course I would be that idiot that falls for his straight friend. Of fucking course.

I fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I tried not to think of John, but of course that didn't work. I sighed and got up to make some lunch. Yep, pizza and apple juice, same as always. As I ate, I went back to my thoughts. There were two ways to deal with this: 1) Keep my distance or 2) suppress my feelings as much as possible. The problem with 1 is that we have a project to do, so I can't really do that one. The problem with 2 is suppressing feelings can be quite tricky. The latter, however, would be easier and actually possible and I'm pretty sure I can suppress feelings for a little crush. I finished my pizza and apple juice and then headed to my room to do my homework. It took me forever to fall asleep with all of my thoughts buzzing around in my mind.

- - -

On Monday morning when I got to school and sat down in my science class, I realized that there was a test today that I had forgotten about. So, yeah. Good start to the day.

After school, I waited in my normal spot for John to show up. When he did, we headed to my house and started working on our project. I had to swallow a lot of feelings, but I did it. Not to mention, we were making great progress on our project. There was still a lot left, but in my opinion, we were doing pretty good. When we decided we were done for the day, we sat on the couch in front of the TV and ate some Doritos. John stared at me quizzically for a bit. I turned towards him.

"What ?"

"Do you know what color your eyes are ?" Not only did the question catch me off-guard, but it was also confusing.

"What do you mean ?"

"Well, if your eyes are so sensitive to light, have you ever been able to look at them and see what color they are ?"

I answered him the same way I did whenever I got asked this question: "They're brown." You see, I tried to think of the most generic eye color I could, which could be either blue or brown, but then I figured brown would be more believable because if anyone were to be able to even slightly make out my eyes from under my glasses, the color would be closer to brown than blue.

"It's weird to picture you with brown eyes instead of sunglasses," John giggled.

"I guess it would be." John looked down at his watch.

"Alright I have to be home in about an hour, so what to you want to do until then ?"

"We could play video games," I offered.

"Mariokart ?"

"If you want."

"Yay !" He smiled brightly, Mariokart being the only video game he really knows haw to play. I set up the game and we played until he had to go. Of course, I had beat him every time. He gathered his stuff and I followed him to the door, feeling the urge to hug him before he left. I knew that would be a bit too weird, so I settled for ruffling his already unkempt hair.

"Daaaave !" he said while giggling. I slightly smiled, or at least I felt like I did.

"Bye, Egderp. See you tomorrow." I shut the door behind him and went to my room to think. In truth, I kinda forgot about the weird color of my eyes. I've just gotten so used to it I don't think about it too much, but when he brought it up, I was reminded about just how much of a freak I really am. My eye color is just another thing to add to the list of insecurities I have about myself. It just made me think even more about why John would never like me back, even if he wasn't super straight. I mean, I'm way too pale, my hair is so blonde it's almost white, I don't smile a lot, I never take off my sunglasses because I have the most freakishly colored eyes, I'm borderline underweight simply because of my fast metabolism, I'm just not an interesting person in general, and I don't talk a lot because I hardly ever know what to say. At this point, I don't even know why John wants to be friends with me, and if he ever found out about my crush on him and my freakish eye color, he'd get away from me as fast as he possibly could.

I let out a sigh and laid on my bed. Why couldn't I just be a normal person with a normal body and a normal eye color ? And why can't I just be happy ? The closest I ever seem to get to being happy is just content, but I want to be actually happy. When I'm around John I feel kind of happy, but I just want to be completely happy for once. It's not like I have a terrible life, either. I'm not constantly sad or anything, but I'm just not genuinely happy. Maybe, just maybe, I could be happy one day. It probably would never happen, but maybe John isn't as he seems to be. Maybe he could like me back and maybe he could be the one I could trust with my secret and he wouldn't be creeped out by my eyes. I shook my head at the thought. Yeah right, like that could ever happen. He's straighter than a wooden ruler and would be scared of my eyes just like the last person that saw them.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, thinking about how my life would be if things could actually turn out to be in my favor.

- - -

> Author's Note

Hey there ! I know it's been a really flipping long time since I've updated and I really truly am sorry about that. I had been really busy and when I wasn't busy, I just wanted a break and didn't want to do anything. I had half of this chapter written for about two months, but I didn't know how to finish it, but today I just sat down and thought 'You know what, I have nothing better to do right now so I'm going to finish that chapter and stop be so gosh diddly darn dang lazy.' And there you have it. I really hope you're enjoying the story, and I know a lot isn't happening right now, but I figured a chapter for mainly just Dave's thoughts wouldn't be too bad. ANYWAY, I'm glad there are so many people, aliens, animals, house plants, whoever is reading this because I ship these two dorks so much ^u^ I hope to have another chapter up soon, but we'll see how that goes. Have a good rest of your day/night !

~Laurenbob .-.