No Homo

Chapter 18

John's POV

I woke up to my alarm clock going off, and I sluggishly rolled out of bed. I had stayed up rather late thinking about the events that had occurred over the weekend. I know that Dave returned my feelings, but I was scared. I wasn't scared of rejection, per se, but I was scared that he would come to realize the same things Vriska did, that he would notice how terrible of an excuse for a person I am. I know I liked him more than a friend, but I was scared of getting hurt again, and I wouldn't have another Dave to run to. My only option, it seemed, was to avoid talking about what had happened, how I had just spilled my heart in front of Dave, how I made a complete fool of myself. I would act like nothing ever happened, and, hopefully, Dave wouldn't bring it up. I got ready for school, lost in my thoughts as  brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, and rode the bus to school.

As the final bell rang, I took a deep breath and let it out, preparing myself for what was to come. As I neared the doors of the school, my nerves grew, until I was standing in front of my shaded friend. 'He's nothing more than a friend, a bro' I told myself. I could still feel part of me deny that that's all that Dave was, but I was determined to keep telling myself that he was nothing more but my best bro. We walked to my house and worked on our project a bit more. I figured we would be able to finish it tomorrow, and then all we had to do was proofread and edit. When we were done for the day, I suggested that we play Mario Kart. I was acting like everything was like it was before, and I'm pretty sure Dave had caught on because he never once brought up our conversation, my stupid confession. When it was time for him to go, I found that I was sad he had to leave. I immediately repeated to myself that he was just a friend and nothing more.

"Bye, Dave," I said, ignoring the butterflies fluttering in my stomach as I looked up at his face.

"See ya, Egderp." He had that barely noticeable smile on his face as he reached forward and ruffled my hair. I restrained from wanting to lean into his touch, reminding myself again that he was just a friend and nothing more. I closed the door behind him and walked into my room, throwing myself onto my bed. I felt like I was back to square one except this time, I actually knew what his reaction would be to my having a crush on him because I saw it with my own eyes. But I hated it. I wanted so much to be able to cuddle up to him, to hold his hand when we walked together, to be able call him my boyfriend, to kis-- no. I reminded myself once again: He was just a friend and nothing more.

- - -

By Friday, Dave and I were finished with our project, having just finished the last of the editing. Since we had a weekend ahead of us, we decided to have another Doctor Who marathon. The last marathon we had, got us up to the tenth doctor, but only by an episode or two. We sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn sitting between us. We had planned this the day before, so Dave had everything he needed with him and already had permission from his brother. Throughout the ten episodes we watched, we only had one cliche moment where we both reached for popcorn at the same time, but that was it. Somehow, just that one touch had sent electricity coursing from my fingertips and up my arm. I felt the butterflies swarming around in my stomach. I was done. I needed to talk to him about last weekend because I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I was grateful for his patience, though. It felt nice to know that he at least cared about me enough to know that I hadn't wanted to talk about it. But now, it was time.

I stopped the next episode from playing and moved the empty popcorn bowl to the coffee table. I re-positioned myself on the couch so I was facing him. He did the same. I took a deep breath in and let it out, attempting to calm my nerves. "Dave, I need to talk to you."

"Okay, what's up ?"

"I... I know we haven't talked about what happened last weekend," I started, closing my eyes and opening them again. "But I want to thank you for being patient and for not bringing it up."