Falling Apart

Chapter 54

Katherine's POV

At 3:15 a.m. my eyes flutter open and they don't even pretend to try to care about falling back asleep. I count the tiles on the ceiling and decide that I should write, that's what I've been doing lately. I sit up and reach for my bag, digging through my purse but I can't find it. I know I had the journal in here earlier before I left to find Jenna. Maybe I dropped it somewhere or it's in David's car. If the second choice, I'm hoping David trusts me enough to not read anything. He wouldn't.

I turn on the light and rub my eyes. I decide to take a shower since I'm not going to sleep any time soon. As I undress before stepping into the shower, I watch my stomach move and alter in certain spots. The baby's kicking hard right now, but the feeling is magical. I can't explain it but I won't question it. I switch the shower to a bath and sit on the toilet as I wait for the water to fill up.

A few minutes pass by and I sit in the hot water. The heat feels amazing and the bath salts add a delicious smell to my body. I begin wondering how different this experience is to Jenna's last bath, and I become sad again. I try my best not to cry, but just a few tears spill this time. Lately I've been so emotional, I don't know what I'm really feeling.

I still don't know when my aunt will force me to move home, or if I even am. David and I have been fighting, I think. Jenna is lucky to be alive, despite her opinion on her luck. No one knows about Will kissing me and I don't even know what to think of it. My life would make so much better sense if I stayed with David, and I want to. But lately it seems David doesn't want that life with me, even though he promised.

I know I shouldn't hold things against him but this is reality so maybe we won't be together for as long as we'd hoped before. I know in some situations that some people are meant to fall in love, but not spend their lives together. I'm just begging to whoever is out there that in a few years, I'm happy. If I don't have to depend on anyone for that happiness then, fine. But I know I want to keep my baby. I'll never let my little girl be alone in this world, and I'll stop at nothing to protect her.

David's POV

I'm awake. Why am I awake? What time is it? It's still dark outside. I bring my wrist to my face and my watch reads 3 a.m. I can't stop thinking about what Katherine was writing about. Before I know it, I'm practically sleepwalking to my car. I find her journal under my seat, where I left it earlier and I open it instantly. I start on the first page, soon regretting ever thinking about reading this.

"Lately I feel as if David is waiting for me to leave him. There's always an unspoken argument going on between us. And if there's finally peace, it only lasts a short while. It's like there's a string between both of us, holding us together, and we're meant to stay together. And everyone knows it, but for some reason we don't. It's exhausting...feeling like I have to wait for something to happen for him to realize he has me. I'm not sure if he's sure of what he wants but I know what I want. I just want to have this baby already, and for things to be as they used to. I'm aware that isn't completely possible but I want to try. I want to picture David and I having a future together, where we just wake up with my little girl between us and where we don't have to worry anymore."

I don't know what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't that. Does she really think I don't want her? Sure, we fight but they're just fights about stupid things. I like that she still puts up with me after all we've been through but I didn't know it was draining for her. And since when does she want to keep the baby? I guess I was ignoring all the signs, but if that's what she wants then I'll support it. I don't want to read the next passage, but when I saw Will's name earlier, I knew I'd be reading this even if I didn't want to.