Falling Apart

Chapter 74

Katherine's POV

"Do you remember it?" Caroline asked me. She was a curious aunt, always wanting to know what was going on inside my big head.

I was thirteen at the time, and this was one of the weekends that I had nothing to do. I hadn't yet met Jenna, who would force me to go to parties I never wanted to go to. It was a simple weekend, with no homework and nothing to distract myself with. "Of course I remember." I admit.

I fought back tears that hadn't come in almost two years. I had forgotten the sting in my throat that always seemed to hold me back from saying what needed to be said. It was as if I wanted to scream out everything that had happened, to let loose of all the pain stored up inside of me just to release the toxic waste that had been growing for years... but I couldn't. All I could do was nod my head and say that I remember.

"Did he just...leave? Walk out the door?" She wondered aloud. Caroline was never very good with keeping things to herself and I always knew when she wanted to know something. For these first few years I rarely spoke with her, only telling her what I wanted for dinner that night or replying "good" when she asked me how school was. For two years after my father had left and my mother had died, I rarely spoke to anyone. Soon enough, Caroline and I would grow closer. But during this time, I was all that I needed.

"It was a Tuesday morning." I choked out. The tightness in my throat was unsettling but I knew I had to tell someone at some point. I had heard from many that when secrets are out in the open, others can help you through the problems. To me, this just sounded like a weakness; telling people things that they really didn't need to know. But I was young and vulnerable and for the first time in two years, I told someone what had happened.

"My dad had made breakfast; sunny side up eggs with some toast. He made this quite often." I smiled at the thought of when things were 'normal'. My heart began to pound heavily against my chest and I knew it was because I was nervous but I continued to speak because I didn't like to show emotion.

"It was just a normal morning. I was about to go to school, and he had made breakfast. We ate together in silence, but it was always like that. Maybe not always," I correct myself, "but every since my mom had died, it was like that. There was always silence, and I had grown so used to it that it didn't seem uncomfortable at the time." My thirteen-year-old self gathered bits and pieces from when I was eleven.

"I remember putting my books into my bag as I was getting ready for school. Normally my father would drive me, but that day he told me to take the bus. I got nervous, wondering what the bus smelled like or if anyone would speak to me. I had no idea that him telling me to ride the bus would be the last thing he'd say to me, so in my mind I was just concerned about the bus."

"That's it?" Caroline interrupts. "He just...sent you on a bus and left?"

I nod my head. "He did watch me for a while, though. When I was putting my pencils into the pockets of my schoolbag, he watched me for what seemed like the first time in years. I looked at him, almost asking him what was wrong, but he looked away right as our eyes met. After that, I slung the bag over my shoulder and grabbed a last piece of toast." Tears were spilling out of me by this point and Caroline touched my shoulder.

"You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to." She rubbed my back and moved closer to me. "I just thought that after two years..."

"He didn't even say goodbye." I stop her from continuing. "He didn't even say I love you when I said it before getting onto that damn bus!" The tightness in my throat felt like I was being choked but I couldn't hold back now. "All he did was stand at the door and watch me walk onto that bus. Without so much as a wave, that time his silence was haunting and I had a gut feeling that something was about to go wrong. I always had gut feelings ever since my mom had died, so I decided to shake the feeling off. But when I got home from school that day, he was gone and so were all his things."