Characters
●Tina, 12 year old girl ●Dad, Tina's dad ●Donald Trump ●Lenny, the screeching potato
Act I, Scene I. Inside Tina's kitchen. Chair with no one in it, Tina and Dad standing, Lenny lying on the floor.
Tina: Dad, please?
Dad: Tina, I said no.
Tina: But Daaaaad! [making puppy dog eyes]
Dad: Tina. I. Said. No. Now quit heckling me and go... [gesturing vaguely] vandalize some cars or something! Just go get away!
Tina: Ugh! Okay, fine, Dad. But you'll be sorry you didn't vote for Trump. [storms out of room]
Dad: Ahh, finally she's gone. I can really relax now. [sits down]
Lenny: [awful potato screech] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Dad: Oh, Lenny, your wisdom always did help me through tough times. Thank you for being such a—
Donald Trump: [suddenly bursting through door] Did someone say, "Deport the Mexicans"?
Lenny: [in a terrible screeching voice] No.
Donald Trump: Oh, well that woulda been perfect, wouldn'tcha say?
Dad: [stands up] [visibly annoyed and confused] G-Get out of my house!
Donald Trump: Well, Dad, I ain't gonna listen to you. You clearly don't know what you're talkin' about, since you aren't voting for good ol' Trump here. You're stupid, you're crazy, you're a liar. Now, that daughter of yours, she's got the right idea. How smart she is—and beautiful, too.
Dad: Are you hitting on my daughter?
Donald Trump: Ay, you're missing the point. The point is, you should vote for me.
Lenny: [earsplitting shriek] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Donald Trump: [chuckling] [pointing down at Lenny] I like this guy. He thinks like me.
Dad: Mr. Trump, sir, why are you even here?
Donald Trump: Ah, what a wonderful question indeed. You see, I want people to vote for me. And since you don't wanna vote for me, I came to your house to try and convince you to vote Trump for president!
Dad: No! I am not voting for you! What will it take to get you to just go away?
Trump: So you want me to go away, huh? And you're willing to pay me, to get me to go away?
Dad: [sighing in defeat, rolling eyes] Sure. What do you want? [taking sip of tea]
Trump: Your daughter.
Dad: [spitting out tea]
Lenny: [interjecting] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Trump: [to Lenny] No one asked you, you freaky vegetable.
Lenny: [quiet, offended whimpering screech] eeeemmmhh....
Dad: I'm not handing my daughter over to you!
Trump: [shaking head slowly, grinning evilly] Either you give me your vote or you give me your daughter.
Lenny: [meaningful shriek] EEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Dad: [nodding thoughtfully] Right as always, Lenny. Right as always. Even though my vote affects the country as a whole, Tina's presence affects just my life—and makes it all so, so much happier. That's why I'm choosing to keep Tina here and give my vote to Donald.
Trump: [reaching arm out to shake hands] Good decision. I promise I won't let you regret voting for me.
Dad: [shaking hands with Trump]
Tina: [coming back into the room] Dad, I'm sorry I was yelling at you before to vote for Trump. Actually, I've changed my mind about the whole thing. I'm a fan of Hillary now!
Dad: [exchanges nervous glance with Trump]
Trump: [exchanges nervous glance with Dad]
Lenny: THEEEEEEEEEEE END!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts and Random Things
RandomGo on, thoughts. Fly away. Be free. Go fill the world with your magic.
