Its A One Sided Love Story

What i felt, and dealt with

I'd been beating my self up that week of how i had cheated on my boyfriend, and made out with my bestfriend-brother. I had told my boyfriend, well now ex, what had happened and he was pist. 

Him: I knew it, i knew you like him more then you would put out, saying not to worry, when in actuallity i did have to worry.

I remember he never yelled at me, in turn it was the total opposite. He forgave me, but i couldnt forgive myself. He wanted me back, but i had to breack it off. Yes i loved him, i really did, but  i also loved this phantom of mine that only showed up when he wanted to. Yes i know you may be thinking DOOR MATE but thats not the case. Believe me.

I had a soft spot for Paul that could never harden, everytime he looked at me, touched me-even if it was just a hug i would melt. *Pathetic I know*

After the whole ordeal with him, us talking started to dwindel. It when from 3 times a week, to twice a week, to once a week, to once every other week. Now to once a month.

The first time i texted him, and he didnt answer was a given. He never answers right away, but what took me by surprise is he didnt answer till 2 days later. And when i texted him, he wouldnt text me till an hour later. A delay in time.

Then it went from once every other week to twice a month. It killed me. I would get excited he texted me, like a 4 year old on X-mas, but like all good things they end, and the end to his and mine was  heart breack, and hurt. I felt empty, but its not like i would ever tell him that. He wouldnt understand me, at least so i asume.

Then it went from twice a month to once a month. Pain and torchure. i would text him, but he wouldnt text back till weeks later. 

Then from once a month to 0. He stopped texting me all the way around. I was hurt, thought he was ignoring me, which he might have been. It was 3 months in we hadnt talked, when i texted him saying

Me: hi paul, its been a while since we've talked, and i know the last time we did talk you told me not to give up on you. So here i am trying not to give up on. I guess i just wanted to text you and say hi. well night Paul.

That was my last text to him.

i knew i had to forget him, and my friends had continuously told me that. I felt my self split in 2, and it sucked. That night i layed there and breathed clutching my chest. We werent together, but if felt as if i had broken up with him, as if he had just dumped me for a tamp. 

I didnt know what i was going to do. I was lost

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sorry its short but true. next to know whats going on a few weeks back, and now.

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