Logical《Septiplier》

「Chapter 10」

"Thanks for the ride Mark. See you tomorrow!" I close the door and enter through the front door of my home.

"Hello Sean."

"Hello Mother." I rush to go upstairs but halfway there, I was stopped in my track by my mother.

"Sean, are you okay? you seem skeptical and flustered." I turn around to see her staring with her hands on her hips. her motherly instincts are kicking in and I don't like it.

"Yeah, just... thinking." Mother narrows her eyes on me and raises a brow.

"Okay... well we're eating simple tonight, i'm just gonna make some spaghetti."

"Sounds delightful. I'll be in my room." I rush into my room and partially slam the door and quickly bring out my notebook.

3/11: Today I feel as if I have drifted away from who I thought was my friends. I had told them about what I had done the previous day to prevent my parents from finding out about my tardiness. They were disappointed rather than relieved. Out of frustration I had left to go and join Mark at his table. They all were so nice and welcoming that I didn't even know what to make of it, they were so kind and welcoming and warm hearted and very funny. I plan on sitting with them during lunch period from now on, it will allow me to be in a more positive and drama free environment. As for after school, well, I felt different around Mark. I don't know if it was the kind remarks he had given me or if it was his smile. But I feel a sort of attraction towards him, like a love type of attraction. I felt this connection to him and there's something that I find so special about him. I have never been in love before and I have never really liked anyone in this sort of way. Hell, I have no idea what my sexuality even is! This has taken me by surprise and I don't know exactly how to approach it. All my life I had been so focused on school that I never focused on something like this, now it just blind sides me and I have no idea what to do. I shall keep this a secret for now until I better understand how Mark feels towards me. If it's necessary; I will ask his friends about his feelings towards me, maybe i'll be able to get something out of them.

I sit at my desk, pen in hand, wanting to continue to write. I was in this daze, staring at my wall, these feelings hit me like a truck and I don't know what to do about it.

All my life i've been so devoted to my school work that I never took the time to look around to appreciate and build friendships with others. I never found someone to call mine. Love just seemed so silly and pointless, I knew it would never benefit me intellectually. it all seemed so pointless, stupid, illogical even.

But now here I am: feelings for someone i've observed for a while and befriended because I had tutor him, I've only been friends with him for 4 days. But I feel like i've known him longer, like we've been friends for much longer than just 4 days.

But why him? is it because of his looks? his radiating outgoing attitude? his positivity? what is it??

"I don't know..." I tell myself.

"You don't know what?" My notebook goes flying and my chair tilts backwards and falls and my glasses go flying. In the doorway is my brother Malcolm. I now lie on the floor on my back, suffering from half a heart attack.

"For heavens sake Malcolm, ever heard of knocking?" I say standing up and grabbing my chair and notebook.

"heh, sorry lil bro." I glare at him and put my glasses back on.

"What do you want now? back to 'borrow' money and never repay me?"

"no. and I do too pay you back." I bring out a sheet with loans that my brother made and only a few have check marks next to them meaning he repaid them. he still owes me about 250$.

"no you don't." he rubs the back of his neck embarrassed. "well. what do you need then?"

"what were you talking about just now?"

"were you waves dropping again?"

"maybe... but all I heard you say was I don't know!"

"you're such a nuisance."

"Are you gonna tell me or not?

"it's nothing that is your business."

"c'mon i'm your big bro! your secret's safe with me!"

"just some friend conflict okay."

"I see. you need help?"

"no Malcolm, I can handle this myself. I'm a junior in High School, i'm old enough to handle this by myself like the mature adult I am."

"Jack you're only 17."

"still far more mature than you." he huffs.

"That attitude will get you nowhere in life."

"It will get me through college, something you haven't accomplished." Malcolm has a scowl on his fave, yet again, i'm right. He leaves the room with a dark cloud of reality hanging over him. I sigh in relief. that was a little too close.

*Later that night*

I lay in bed, in the darkness of my room staring up at the ceiling. My mind is racing about this whole 'I like Mark' deal. I grab my phone and open up our text chat and begin typing.

Message

To: Mark⭐️

Jack: Mark. For the 4 days of friendship we've had thus far, you could say that I helped you the most through this and that you haven't done anything for me. But the truth is you've helped me as well, you allowed me to experience fun and friendship. You've also allowed me to learn that it's okay to lie (only if it's small and it prevents you from dying) and live a little dangerously, it's healthy to rebel once in a while. And all my life I had no idea what it was like to like anyone, like romantically. What i'm trying to say is: I like you. I don't know if you're gay, I don't know if you like me, but it's something i've been holding in and I feel like I should tell you.

Send?

[yes]      [no]

my hand hovers over the yes button. I re-read the message a few times over, it's worded exactly how I feel. I really want to send, but there's a sinking feeling in my stomach saying otherwise.

After 15 minutes of thinking I decide not to send. I tap No.

Save to Drafts?

[yes]      [no]

I tap yes. At least I have something prepared for when I think i'm ready to tell him.