Harry Potter OC Critiques [PAUSED]

7 - annielouxX

[guess who got the angry critic kiddos]

Full Name: Cassiopeia Bellatrix Black

[First name: why is it always Cassiopea that people choose when trying to pick out "girl" names. I want a kid named Canis or Pyxis or something that's not "this is the closest thing I could find to a normal name", because the thing about the Blacks is that they're flamboyant and love to show off their eccentricity. Basically "ugh, I guess if you have to".

Middle/Last name: ugh I guess]
Blacks always name their children after stars, and Bellatrix is her godmother.

[One of them is named Herbert. Just gonna leave that there.]
Nicknames: Cassie and sometimes Cas
She definitely prefers being called Cassie, as Cassiopeia sounds to pure blood and to Black for her. She also doesn't like being acknowledged as a Black, and hates it most of all when people use her middle name as well. Lotta bad vibes going on because she doesn't agree with the pureblood mentality and is ashamed of what her family members have done as death eaters.
[Wow, really? Why? How did she overcome her internalized bigotry? Does it still affect her? How does she deal with it? How do the people around her react to it?]
Appearance: Pale skin, dark curly hair like Bellatrix and grey eyes, round face, basically just Helena Bonham Carter when she was young but with grey eyes.
[*stalks off to corner* *sitting in corner* don't talk to me

-150 years later-

*muttering incoherently* family looks similar, not identical, for one thing, and for another thing, that's a copout on actually putting some thought into her description, great foreshadowing, "she looks like her godmother but with one easily switchable trait removed!", yeah, that happens a ton, I personally look completely identical to my grandmother

-11 years later-

*sighing* okay it's not that it's actually all that unrealistic, it's that I see this trope everywhere. A lot of kids don't look exactly like their close relatives. Many of them look like their twice-removed cousin and it's kind of annoying when the only usage of family resemblance is to have it clearly visible. Subtlety, people, damn. Add in a few defining traits that they inherited, but let the kiddos have their own identity please.]
Role: She's actually best friends with the trio, which wouldn't be called the trio in my version. So she's basically there on every little adventure and fully part of that group, which I know can end up looking really stupid if done badly.

[Actually it's mostly that it's incredibly overdone to the point where nobody cares that much any more about the premise, so you're running a three-legged race with one pegleg in trying to make it fresh and interesting.]

Plot: It's about Cassie's struggle with who she is and what not, as well as her relationships with people, and her development as a person. It'd go briefly over her first three years and slow down for the fourth then really focus in on her final three years.

[ What?