Harry Potter OC Critiques [PAUSED]

27 - Asul_Yumi

Full Name: Rahela (given) Albu (family name)

Nicknames, titles, etc: Creatix (it means creator;it will be explained later)

[Is that because it's really complicated or because you're trying to build intrigue? Is it like, her teenage pseudonym or something?]
General appearance: She has a very long, black, and curly hair; slender, wrinkles showing slightly on her face, thin lips and a small but noticeable scar on her nose, her eyes are black but she insists that they're "just a darker shade of brown"

[Is that. . .wrong? That's usually what people mean?]

Role in book: she is the main character in one and an episodic in another ( the books are not published yet )

General plot outline of book: Her journey on how she became a wandmaker in the eastern region of Europe and how she became the teacher of the other MC from the other book.

[Intriguing! How she does both those things is what I was asking for in this section. How did she do that?]

Age: 21-29 at the end of the book

DOB: 19 Nov 1986

Height: 1.78 cm

[...I have a rule against 'editing' actual statistics people give me so I don't accidentally edit something that's legit, but 178 cm and 1.78 cm are very different heights??? Actually, it looks like you're using the , for decimal and . for thousands, so is she 1,780 cm?]

Weight: 45,3 kg

[This doesn't necessarily answer my question.]

Gender: female

Sexual/Romantic orientation: bi

Race/Species: she is 25% Veela ( her grandmother - mother of her mother - was a pure veela) , 25% gypsy -mother of her father- and 50% romanian.

[Does she have any Veela-related characteristics like Fleur's silver-glowing-hair-tint thing?]

//no,she is not a thief; a mage with no muggles in her family tree(I would have just said pureblood but I am not sure if that would actually be correct)

[Are you planning on figuring it out?]

House: She is not a student Hogwarts nor Ilvermorny but if I were to say a single house it would be Slytherin, but there is also a hidden Hufflepuff inside of her[edit: maybe].

[You told me later that there MIGHT be a hidden puff inside of her but that! Only raises more questions! What are the details of this arrangement!]

Family: Both of her parents were alive during her childhood but her father died in the fight against Voldemort, only to have her mother kill herself a few months later.

[She would've been 12 when they died, so not that much of her childhood.]

She has a cousin, girl,

[Does she have a name?]

that is 10 years older and she sees her as an older sister.

Pets: she had a rat, Brambleberry, that she kept with her during her 5 years at the Romanian School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. The rat died before she was expelled.

Wand makeup: beech and veela hair -her mother's wand that she used secretly before she even got her first wand-

[How did that work out for her?]

and a blackthorn and thestral tail hair

Personality: Rahela was a mature and responsible kid but once she went to school she switched to a more ambitious, sly and rude version of herself partly because of her classmates and partly because of the distance that now kept her away from her parents.

Ambitions: She wants to make wands that are not simple tools,but loyal and powerful friends. A chance to every witch and wizard for wands that suits their needs.

Likes: brambleberry, designing, being needed,

[?????]

and reading

Dislikes: being ignored, rules that get in her wandmaking,

[??????]

impatience

10 Random facts ( and why they are true ) :

1) She is very curious
Her curiosity is what made her get into wandmaking.She once found a book about wands and their history that inspired her so much that she would always carry around a sketchbook filled with wand designs and possible materials

2 ) She is still grieving.
Her parents and pet meant a lot to her and she is too emotional to let the thought of them go.

3) She is afraid of rivers.
She nearly drowned once, weird enough she is afraid of just rivers and not lakes or the ocean.

[Well, lakes don't have giant fuck-you currents that carry away small children. The ocean, however, has, like, tsunamis, which are legitimately terrifying.]

4) She is interested in the history of muggles.

She was forced to live with humans and, with time, she came to like them and their history. She finds the way magic incidents were covered up funny.

[What incidents, and why?]

5) She was expelled but it was not her fault.

She chose to. Her best friend, Monica, and also her crush at that time, because of her tempermental personality that showed up in her wand during a fight, burned down an entire part of the school in their fifth year.

[Why wasn't Monica expelled?]

6)She makes wands, breaking the rules.

The headmaster let her make wands, with the condition that she would watch over Monica.

7) She wishes to own a shop one day.
She knows that's impossible.

8)Her crush, Monica, doesn't know she likes her.

"I value our friendship and do not wish to break it" she says as she tries to comfort herself. //just realised that until fact 7 everything started with "she"

9)Her best subject was Transfiguration.

She was at the top of her class when it used to come to this.

[If you're gonna tell me anyway, please just fill out the section of the form that specifically asks for this next time, okay?]

10) Rahela wants to train a new generation of wandmakers.

She actually ends up writing a book with everything she knows under the pen name "Creatix"

[Why Creatix?]

10)//just continuing my idea
Because of this the MC from the other book comes to her and actually begs her to make a special wand that Rahela refuses to craft. 

[Why does she refuse?]
Background:

A highly curious and stubborn child, Rahela loved to go out with her mother's wand and, against her parents' rules, would practice magic from a book that they kept hidden.

At 10 years old she got her own wand and her parents actually started to teach her magic; they weren't that surprised when she said that she already knows the basics.

The school that she went to wasn't in the best conditions; the castle where the students lived and had their classes was more of a ruin than a fully functioning school. The collective was not the best either, sometimes an entire class would skip that annoying subject for weeks only to have 2-3 students come back to attend it, but only after they skipped too. Rahela dreamt about going to a different school, that one had all the classes during the night and in the day muggles would learn their muggles subjects. Because of the group pressure her personality and attitude changed.

[What kind of pressure and from who?]

In her second year she finds the book about wands. 

[How did she find this? What specific information does it have- did she have to do some trial and error or did it have everything she needed to know?]

During her third year she met a group of girls that were actually nice to her. Monica was one of them but only when she had to be expelled Rahela finally accepted that what she felt for her wasn't just a strong bond of friendship. Unfortunately when Rahela decides to send a letter where she confessed, she realised she got one from Monica and when she reads it, it is saying that she fell in love with someone else.

Somewhere between 21 and 29 she writes the book about wandmaking and gets a surprise visit from the other MC.

[Why did she write the wandmaking book? Was she already professionally making wands? How does she get the materials?]

After she gets stuff done with MC Rahela ends up falling in love again with a guy that she wasn't supposed to.

[Rating: 4/10

The words you have written are interesting, but there could be more of them.]