Harry Potter OC Critiques [PAUSED]

17 - EternalSummer

Full Name: Adaline Jane Partridge

[Adaline is an older version of the German Adeline, which appears to mean noble. Jane is English and means 'Jehovah is gracious', while Partridge is an English last name for someone who hunts partridge.]
Nicknames, titles, etc: Her sister calls her Della and this nickname is later picked up by her friends.
General Appearance/Link to photo: Adaline is small in stature but has inherited a full, womanly body from her mother. She has curly blonde hair, thick eyebrows, and pale blue eyes. At the end of the story, she will have gained a considerable amount of scars on her arms, neck, and face. These scars come from being captured and held by death eaters where she was tortured for information about the Order of the Phoenix.

[I will say this to you, and I will say it to everyone who ever gives me this type of description: woman/girlish/feminine doesn't tell me anything. Is she stocky and short? Curvy and short? Rectangular and short? Thin and short? Since, oddly enough, people have more than one body type, it's much more useful to know that!

Additionally, usually only deep lacerations scar a ton, so that implies a very specific kind of torture- the relatively ineffective kind.]
Role in book: Main/Side character and eventual love interest for Harry Potter.

[Main/side? Does that mean she's a recurring side character? The story isn't in her POV? She's not important to the plot?]
General plot outline of book: The story consists of her years and adventures throughout Hogwarts and beyond. The book, for the first few "years", focuses on developing her and her relationships with her friends and family and she will join Harry Potter for his adventures occasionally. For example, she will be going with Harry and his friends to the Department of Mysteries to fight Death Eaters much like Ginny, Neville, and Luna did. The book isn't just her tagging along with the Golden Trio and adding her two cents to every conversation.

[Well, then her being a side character is an interesting choice. What kind of adventures? Why does she go to the Department of Mysteries? Why does she join Harry Potter?]
Age: 11 at books beginning and 18 by the Battle of Hogwarts
DOB: December 5, 1979

[A year older than Harry, I think.]
Height: 5'1
Weight: 125 lbs

[Normal.]
Gender: Female
Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Straight
Race/Species: Caucasian, Half-Blood witch, British

[One of the few joys in my life is when people just. . .follow the format! :)]
House: Ravenclaw

Family: Randall Partridge is a muggleborn wizard who left behind to wizarding world to pursue Archaeology; he was happy that his daughters were revealed to be witches but even so, he never wanted to return to that world. Vera Partridge is a muggle who isn't fond of wizardry because it makes her feel inferior. Vera knew that Randall was a wizard when she married him but her pride was significantly hurt when not only one but both of her daughters were witches.

[That seems like a recipe for either emotional abuse or growing as a person.]

Randall and Vera have a rocky relationship which did take its toll on their children. They stayed together but anyone could tell they weren't happy.

[Any particular reason they stayed?]

Rebecca Partridge is Adaline's younger sister and they used to be extremely close. As they grew up, however, they grew apart. Rebecca is a witch who was sorted into Hufflepuff. The main breaking point in the two sisters' relationship was when their parents were killed on Christmas, 5th year.

[I mean, I guess that might change some things, possibly.]
(Sorry for how long the description was but I figured it was better to fully explain the family rather than to leave it lackluster)