To those we've lost, and saved

too much talking

Okay so I finally got my laptop back from the IT shop so I promise it wont be as long for the next chapter.

Lexa Pov:

What feels like an eternity later, once Nyko has finally bided you farewell and left, the tent is left just as it was before he had entered, silence in anticipation for you to answer Clarke's question.

" Why risk it? "

The question echoes in the depths of your mind. You're not sure which scares you more, the fact that you are finally faced with a situation that forces you to share your true feelings, that it reminds you so much of Costia or just how nervous she was as she stuttered out the words and tried not to look back at you.

Why did you risk all that?

There were so many answers to that question, so many explanations...

" Because i need you "

" Because your special "

"Because i'm sorry "

" Because i am lost without you "

" Because you are all that runs through my mind at night "

" Because i love you, Clarke "

" Clarke " you say softly, dragging the word out as far as you can. Your heart is racing so fast and so hard you could swear she can hear it too. She slowly steps forward from the shadows of the tent, her arms stiffly by her side, you can tell she's nervous. You sit up from your bed ignoring how much pain it causes you, you can almost make it all the way onto your feet but still she reaches forward and helps to pull you up so that you stand by her side, not letting go of her arm. You can feel the anticipation rising in your stomach and you open your mouth to speak but no words come out. You know you could give her a stupid excuse and blow off this entire conversation with just a few words but you can't stand hiding what you feel from her any longer, you two had been dancing around saying what you really meant and wanted to say the entire time you had been back together and you needed her to know how you felt, what you wanted.

" I risked it all because.. Without you I am lost. After I left you at that mountain I couldn't live with myself, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, all I could do was think about was you. I know you said you weren't ready to be with anybody so please do not think I am trying to force you into anything I just need you to know that without you I am not whole, I am not myself ". You can see the shock in her eyes as you pour all your emotions out, her eyes are searching yours but you're not sure what they're looking for. " I risked it because i left so much unsaid, because i never told you that your special, that you're a strong leader and i know i can be cold sometimes but it's only bec-"

Quickly she slips her hand around the back of your neck and pulls you forward until your lips finally meet, it's just like the first kiss you shared, soft, timid, testing. But what does it mean?

You stop the inevitable flow of questions that would otherwise be flooding your mind right now and for the first time in as long as you can remember allow your self to stop thinking and just melt into her touch, into her lips. She brings her hand up to your waist and pulls you closer, it feels so right to be in her arms.

This is what you have been missing, a connection with somebody. You hadn't allowed yourself to feel anything for anybody after Costia, disconnected yourself from everyone around you. You knew they would never understand why you did it but it was the only way you knew you could keep them safe. But with Clarke, you couldn't help yourself, she weaved her way into your life so fast you didn't even notice until it was too late to go back.

Slowly she pulls away and leans her forehead on yours, slowly opening her eyes.

" Clarke.." You whisper, your voice hoarse.

" You speak too much Lexa " she whispers, a smile spreading across her lips.

" I can't help it if you reduce me to a stuttering mess ".

" Well, i'll just have to stick around to keep you quiet ".

" I wouldn't have it any other way " You whisper a smile finding it's way across your lips. Slowly you lean forward and rest your head on her shoulder your lack of sleep yet again catching up on you.

Clarke just chuckles and adjusts her hands so that she has one on side of your waist, slowly lowering you down onto your bed. " You need to sleep Lexa " she whispers slowly knowing fully that you are already halfway there.

" As you wish Clarke " you say sleepily, not having the energy to open your eyes. Before she can pull away and leave the tent you use the last of your energy to pull her down so she lays half beside and half on top of you. " You haven't slept in days " You say simply before pulling the furs over you both and instantly drifting to sleep, never letting your grasp on her losen.